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It would just be nice if SOMEONE was happy for me

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

or called to check on me or even emailed me to say 'so how's it going with the baby belly?"

Yes, I am blessed that I have great kids and a wonderful DH who love me and are happy for our family...but no other family members? Not even MIL or anything? None of my IRL friends that were  supposedly soooooo happy for me? And I haven't heard from them during this whole pg?

I don't know, maybe I'm being selfish or something. I do have a great bunch of online friends who are so sweet and kind and supportive and I have 'known' them for years...but it still hurts that my own mom or MIL or SIL or anyone can't just ask how I am.I won't get one gift from any extended family, or a phone call and they won't even be glad when I have the baby. It will just be a bunch of 'so go get fixed now' remarks... and yeah, the fact that I say that probably makes me sound greedy and selfish. 

I'm just being all pity party. I guess I should suck it up and just be happy for what I have.

let's just blame the rant on hormones.

post #2 of 12

I hear ya!! I mean, my family is overbearing and annoying about this pregnancy (my first) but they always lose interest in the subject when there is no emergent medical situation.

 

But my friends have disappeared. I mean, they're all spread out over a continent, and I get the odd, passing FB message from someone who says "Have you had that baby yet?" but no phone calls, no actual emails, not even a bloody text message....I don't know. I'm sort of giving them all the benefit of the doubt, as most of them don't have kids, so I'm trying to chalk it up to different life-stages, maybe a bit of "jealousy" (some of them probably want to be breeding but aren't, or so I'm telling myself...), I don't know.

 

Really though, I think people all get caught up in their own lives so much that it's hard for them to imagine their friends feeling vulnerable and needing their attention. I'm never one to really feel too lonely (only child with a single mom - I'm pretty good at amusing myself for decades), and I don't know if it's the hormones, or trying to develop a new & healthier way to interact with the world on the road to becoming a mommma, but I'm totally craving some friends to love me up and down right now. My short, fat, hairy stature could use all the kudos it can get...

 

I don't think it's being selfish to be bummed your friends aren't showing interest in your pg....I think it can feel really lonely, even if you have a supportive family and a partner, etc. etc. bolstering you...there's nothing like some IRL lady-friends to make you snort milk out of your nose with an inappropriate joke, or to just give you a good full-contact hug....*sigh*. In the meantime, though, I agree that we should both feel grateful for the support we do have - partners, family(ish), online friends, etc.  joy.gif

 

If you happen to be in western Canada, I'm totally in the market for a new friend... winky.gif
 

post #3 of 12
Thread Starter 

Howdy and it's nice to meet ya! Alas no, I am not in Western Canada-I'm in Tennessee. :)

 

Your post nailed it! I do want the warm squishy hugs from a gal friend or a 'hey let's go get some *gasp* coffee even though you're not supposed to have it, haha!' It would be nice to have a girlfriend tell me 'nah you don't look too much like a raccoon since you got that lovely mask of pregnancy'. That sort of thing.

I do think for a couple of people I thought were my-as they put it-'besties' it is a matter of jealousy. The others, yeah, maybe they are just so busy and time flies and maybe they feel a little embarassed that they haven't made much of an effort so they stay away. 

 

They family and IL thing hurts like a bitch, though-even though I knew to expect it! I mean, my SIL returned a call of mine about an unrelated matter and then wanted to argue with me about my due date and then made it sound like I lied to her about it. I actually laughed about that one-she's got issues, anyway so it was par for the course.

 

Well I'm sending you hugs and lovey vibes and thank you so much for the response :)

post #4 of 12

I am sorry you ladies have to go through this; I am in a similar situation. Aside from DH, nobody seems to realze, remember or care that I am pregnant. I was put off on sick leave at 7 months and didn't get one phone call asking if everything was ok, nevermind offers of help with my two toddlers. It was the same when I was pregnant with DS2, none of the IL's came to visit him when he was born (they don't like the 'big city'), and my family that did visit were a pain and expected us to feed them, then left us with a sink full of dishes. We had a homebirth, and my family came over a few hours after he was born. At one point I left the living room, and when I came back  all the seats were taken and nobody offered me a seat! Helloo?! Ok, I am just ranting now...  Its sucks, and I am sorry you ladies have to go through this!

post #5 of 12
Thread Starter 

Ms. Rabbit-we have a few experiences in common. ((hugs)) The two times my IL's came to visit after any of our children-it was reluctantly, thankfully short lived but I was expected to completely

look out for their comfort. Grrrr. Years later and it still upsets me! My own family wouldn't cross a street to help or see any of our kids and now that I look back I think it was a blessing in disguise.

 

Many hugs to you and I hope that you are doing well in your pregnancy. I'm sorry we all are going through this!!!

post #6 of 12

Wow!  I knew there was a reason I finally decided to check out the 'due date club'!  I'm also a mom to five expecting our 6th the end of Jan.  I admit, that I have 2 friends that call me regularly just to see how I am....gosh that makes me feel like someone actually cares, 'cause my family doesn't call at all.  When I do call them they don't even mention it...like my pregnancy will somehow go away if they ignore it greensad.gif.   Pregnancy is a time when I REALLY miss my Mom...she passed away 13 years ago.  But with my family, it almost makes me wanna NOT call them after I deliver...and see just how long it takes them to call.

post #7 of 12
Thread Starter 

I'm wondering if I should call my family, either. I'm pretty close to the cut off point with my mom, brother and grandmother. I doubt it would even occur to them to check if I'd had the baby...maybe they can just find out on facebook :)

Yeah, I think my family thinks my pg isn't real if they don't ask. Last time I talked to my mom and I brought up that I was busy lately and she said 'doing what?' 'Ummm getting ready for the baby and birth, it's not that far off you know'  my mom: 'huh, how far along are you? How many weeks is a pregnancy? I don't know and don't keep up with this s**t" . Nice. Haven't talked to her since....

 

Hugs to all of us!!!!

post #8 of 12

I am in the same boat as you ladies... I am a hermit by choice, but I thought I had at least a few "friends"... yeah not so much. The one who should be my best friend cant make the time for me, I have been trying to go see her for at least 3 months now and every time we make plans she cancels them the day before. My MIL is very concerned about me, to the point she is driving me insane, she will ask DH a question, he will answer him, then she will call or text me and ask the same freaking thing, and then 2 days later it repeats itself. We are going there next weekend (its almost a 3 hour drive one way) and she has asked me like 9 times if we are still coming, and then she wanted to celebrate Christmas that day instead of closer to Christmas, her gift has not got here in the mail so I am freaking out about it, and everything she got DS has to do with a gift WE got him and he wont be getting it until Christmas day so if he opens his gifts there a week and a half early then he will be confused and sad because he cant use any of them. Then she says well I will just give you the gifts and he can open them with your family on Christmas. They are planning to come to my house ON Christmas so i don't know what the big deal in waiting is??? I wont let him open them until they get here anyway. I feel like crying. And we still do not have a name picked out so she just randomly suggests names that I hate for hours it feels like. And my mom is a whole other nutcase story she turns everything anyone says or does into a story about HER I swear she could turn a story into someone being bit by a mosquito in Africa into a story about her I don't know how she does it, my dad has not even acknowledged that I am pregnant. Yet my mom tells me how excited he is... yeah he is so excited he acts like I don't exist at all, awesome. Sorry for the rant, but I know how you ladies feel, its so hard being pregnant and not feeling like anyone cares about you.

post #9 of 12
Thread Starter 

((Pogo0685)) so many hugs to you!  I wish I had some words of advice, really I just understand your frustration. (my grandmother can make anything about her, too-and it's one reason we don't talk much at all. I can't handle how everything is a 'reflection' on her!) 

post #10 of 12
Sapientia - thanks :-) we figure the only way to get away from it is literally to get away from her so we are going to try and find some new land to move to. I don't want to leave my family, mostly my dad because I will never stop trying to get him to love and pay attention to me but I know deep down its the best thing for my sanity and for the sake of my family. It just sucks. In the last few years I have realized how completely messed up and disfunctional my family really is and its killing me.
post #11 of 12
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pogo0685 View Post

Sapientia - thanks :-) we figure the only way to get away from it is literally to get away from her so we are going to try and find some new land to move to. I don't want to leave my family, mostly my dad because I will never stop trying to get him to love and pay attention to me but I know deep down its the best thing for my sanity and for the sake of my family. It just sucks. In the last few years I have realized how completely messed up and disfunctional my family really is and its killing me.

We moved two states away from my family-it was the hardest and BEST thing we ever did. I come from a very enmeshed family=all live on the same piece of property in different homes, been in the family over a hundred years, etc. So you can imagine the guilt and drama when, even though we didn't live on the land anymore(too much violence and drama to stay) we moved out of state. Talk about the wailing and gnashing of teeth and threats!!! But we did-and I won't lie-it was hard. I felt so guilty sometimes-but after awhile all that fog cleared and I got a real clear view of how much crap I'd been through-and lately I have been so happy to be far away.The whole ignoring the pregnancy hurts but overall our lives are happier and better, away.

Many hugs and understanding to you!!!

post #12 of 12

So nice to have some ladies to commiserate with...ahhhh....

 

Moving away from family is something I do with increasing frequency as I get older (we keep trying to go back where we're from, but for a plethora of reasons, always leave again in short order). I love and miss my family, but we always get along better the further apart we are (it seems). Though, I must admit, with this baby on the horizon, long distance visits are starting to stress me out. Thank goodness for VERY SMALL APARTMENTS - dictating that all visitors must seek their own accommodations elsewhere winky.gif.

 

I have to say, though, on the subject of flailing friends - if I have to hear (from one of my local friends) ONE MORE TIME, "Omg, we HAVE to get together soon. I miss you SOOOO much!!" and then have them cancel, reschedule or bail on me multiple times, I think I'm going to blow a gasket. I don't think they understand that I'm just sitting around, being broke and unemployed, washing and rewashing baby clothes, waiting for this impending question mark of birth. Holy hell, I could use the distraction of a hang out. I imagined having some sort of womanly-presence around me when I was pregnant (and I'm not talking about my grandmother trying to convince me to scrub my nipples with towels or how to do kegels *shudder*).

 

The ILs are closer to us (distance-wise), but I'm sensitive and my MIL has had 4 babies - she always says something like "One way or another, the baby will come out" and I don't know, but I find it offensive. This pg is high-risk for me as I have low platelets (as a permanent condition), so there are some concerns about complications, etc.  but have placed my well-being in the very capable hands of my absolutely wonderful OB/GYN...It still doesn't stop me from feeling a little apprehensive...I just don't find this stuff helpful or very uplifting, you know?

 

Ahhh... I think having expectations of situations and people is problematic. I'm keeping a pretty good 'tude about the whole thing, because whether or not other people recognise it - I am overjoyed to be pregnant and amazing and happy and healthy, and this child will be oh-so-loved. I keep reminding myself of that - how very, very lucky my partner and I are - to have each other, to be expecting this baby, to have family who (though being a little much at times) try to be supportive (in their *own special ways* haha). I have my eye on some baby classes to meet new friends...sweet mother of pearl, I hope that goes well...stillheart.gif

 

Wow, that was long - sorry! Feeling much better now. Thank you ladies for understanding and sharing...It's like a super-information-highway kind of electronic arm squeeze, wink, shoulder-nudge of womanhood. My gratitude is immense!

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