Ideas for handling a spirited 3 yr old? - Page 2

[luckiest]

I feel you on situation #1; I have to force DS (24mo) into his car seat with some regularity, maybe a few times a month.  He is limitedly verbal and obsessed with playing with the buttons on the dash.  My best (and really only) tactic is to fully engage him with song, play, stickers, look-at-that-bird, as I'm putting him in.  That's probably unhelpful for a 3 yo though.  Like others have said, I've found that if he's in refusal mode and I see that I'm probably going to have to physically hold him in the seat and strap him in, that I stay calm and neutral.  It's so easy to go to the red zone with them, and it's never productive.  

With your food situation, she's definitely caught onto the power of food...I wonder if you could starve the power a bit?  That would be my approach, anyway.  Even if she only eats a bite, don't comment on it.  I wonder if your warnings to her that she'll be hungry later is only an invitation for her to try to prove you wrong, or maybe she is needing to reaffirm that she is in control of what she puts in her body, which ultimately, she is.  But then, she DOES end up being hungry later, and double bonus for her, she can use it as a bedtime stalling tactic.  

So, if it were me, I would just halt all commentary on food consumption.  If she only eats a bite, I'd clean up the kitchen like usual and just stick her whole plate in the fridge.  Then if she's hungry later, I'd pull it out and set it someplace she can reach it so you don't have to sit right there with her.  What we often do for DS if he doesn't eat much at dinner, is we just transfer his plate from the table to a chair, then he's free to pick from it throughout the evening if he likes.  If/when she does request more food, I wouldn't comment on that either, no "I thought you might still be hungry, you didn't eat much earlier" or anything like that.  

[transylvania_mom]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

PS - and this may sound counterintuitive, sometimes talking more and giving more chances winds her up more than just saying (kindly but firmly), "you can do X, or you can do Y, but Z has to happen.  If you aren't going to choose one I'm going to choose. ".  Sometimes letting the situation spiral/escalate more (it will always escalate because of her personality) is less gentle than just doing whatever it is we need to get done.

Originally Posted by Blt178 


Situation #1: DD will not get in her car seat. It is just before supper and it is dark and very cold out - I live in Canada and so the car seat thing does seem to have some urgency attached as I am freezing my butt off. I first tell her we have to get home to see daddy, she is usually excited do go home and see him. No go. Then I give her a breakdown of what we will do when we get home; have a yummy supper, applesauce for dessert, and a little iPad time just before bed. Usually knowing what is next and where we are off to will get her in her seat, especially a reminder of iPad time! No go. So finally I tell her that we really need to get going and she can either get in her seat by herself or I will help her. Usually she wants the independence and will finally pop into her seat. Not tonight. So I picked her up and put her into the seat, naturally she resisted and planked and started shouting which set off her baby brother crying and we are all in complete meltdown in the parking lot.
Situation #2: Supper time. She has asked for peanut butter and jelly. She eats one bite and says she isn't hungry. I checked in twice more warning her that she needs to eat now or she will be hungry at bedtime. But she swears she is done. The moment I announce bedtime, she runs to the table and begs for food claiming she is VERY hungry. I remind her that I warned her this would happen and tell her she has 5 mins to eat that peanut butter and then we are going to bed. She proceeds to lick the front of the bread a couple times, take one bite and then spits the chewed bread back onto the front of the slice. While smiling. I told her she can't be very hungry if she is spitting it out and picked her up to go start bedtime, which she fussed and resisted the whole way through.
What would you do in these scenarios? Please, ideas would really help me....

Situation #1: I would open the car door for her and tell her she can get in the carseat by herself while I buckle the baby in... as soon as I'm finished, I will help her get in her carseat. No need to shout or be upset about it. I might also give her a kiss after I finish buckling her seatbelt.

Situation #2: I would NOT give her another chance to eat her sandwich; you already gave her plenty of warning that she would get hungry if she doesn't eat supper. She knows you aren't serious about the warnings.

I might offer a glass of milk in case she's really hungry.

[Pepper44]

I had the carseat issue with my first DD around age 1.5-2.5 years old. I finally figured out I was giving her too many chances and it was causing problems.  With my second DD (who is 2.5 now and actually considerably more intense) I don't give any options, no playing around or waiting for her to climb in ever in her life.  When it's time to go we just put her in the seat and if she is protesting for some reason I stay (outwardly) calm and unresponsive and just keep going on with my business. Sometimes if she's calm I will chat with her about her feelings while we're driving.  "You were having fun and didn't want to leave!" Or whatever the situation was that upset her.  But since she knows there's no option to not get in the car we rarely have issues in that area.  (Thank goodness because we sure do have lots of tantrums at home about every other tiny thing!)  

As far as eating goes, that's a frustrating one.  My 2.5 year old DD is a super picky eater, gags easily, and would rather nurse than eat and sleep.  She's very sensitive and intense.  I try not to make a big deal of eating, but give her plenty of options.  My main goal is to avoid a battle of wills because she will gladly just refuse to eat. With both my 6 year old and 2.5 year old I give them a last warning for a snack about half an hour before bedtime.  If for some reason they're actually still hungry in bed I'll give them a cheese stick or almonds and say goodnight. (Neither have any cavities, so I try not to worry too much about the fact that they've already brushed...)

[Snapdragon]

for the carseat I would have a good snack to offer- saying- here, get in the car seat and I will give you this snack. or alternatively a toy- anything that is fun and desireable to the three yr old.

for the food part I would just accept that they are on a different time line. If they said they were hungry I would offer a bowl of oatmeal or something- if they ate the pb a little and smiled I would just be patient and let them have their few minutes and then smile and give them a hug and then whisk them off to bed when they wrre done- even if they wrre protesting.

so in other words taking away the battles where I can, giving in where I can but being firm only if I feel it is important. Adn generally being loving and peaceful because I know three is still practically a baby and they are just learning!