I can't talk to anyone who actually knows me, because I'm so adamant about being positive and grateful about this pregnancy. I wanted this baby for years and years and worked incredibly hard to get to this place. My baby is healthy and growing, my husband is the most incredible partner I could have ever dreamed of and life is good!
So what's wrong with me? I'm really down. Is it just hormones? My morning sickness IS so much better and I'm grateful for that, but sometimes I still get sick - like last night, and the night before that, and right now even. I'm soooo nauseous and just can't eat. I don't want to go back on my Zofran/Phenergan, because I was so proud of coming off of it. I don't think I'm to the point where I have to do that, either.
I'm also just really sensitive. I feel lonely, because my friends are sort of fair weathered friends for the most part. I'm normally very active and social - I'm the one who calls people up to get together. I never realized that NOBODY does that with me. If I want friends around, I have to instigate - and it's bumming me out right now. I've been really sick and mostly stuck at home, and not one friend has come to visit me. A few checked in at first, but it's like they got tired of hearing me say I'm sick. I really tried not to complain too much, either....but I was truly miserable. :(
So comes the guilty feelings. What right do I have to feel so blue when my dream is coming true? My baby is growing inside of me, which is exactly what I wanted. Only problem is, I don't want to be pregnant anymore - I've felt truly miserable enough that I'm seriously considering NOT doing this ever again. Our plan was one more child after this - and I've told my husband I'm very, very interested in looking into adoption.
Not only do I know that there are women who would kill to be in my position, but I WAS one of those women for years. I wanted this baby so, so bad and said I'd do ANYTHING to be pregnant. Well, here I am...and I don't think I have the attitude I'm supposed to have right now. I really think if I wasn't so sick all the time, it'd be SO much easier. I'm just really worn out and not seeing any relief....13 weeks today....why am I still gagging and so nauseous? :(