Boss found out before I was ready to share. : ( « Back to Group Discussions

[Sweet Huck]

One of my coworkers had a review with our boss today.... and my boss flat out asked her if the rumors were true that I was pregnant. Speechless, my coworker confirmed. She just came to me to confess. Boss already left for the day.

I feel unbelievably embarrassed that he suspected and now actually KNOWS before I have a chance to talk to him. This is horrible.  I'm completely mortified.  I'm also angry and whoever blabbed in the first place.  Only a few female coworkers knew.  :(

Anyone have soothing words?!

[Sweet Huck]

I guess to make this an actual discussion instead of a pity party for myself ---  how and when are you telling your boss?!

[FarmerMomma]

What a bummer. I wish your boss would have confirmed with you instead of a coworker. I was the boss when I found out. Had to tell my employees right away because of heavy lifting and puke breaks. Good luck on the talk with your boss.

[Espion]

I'm sorry it happened that way.  :(  I had a particularly bad experience when I quit a job once.  (It involved my former boss quoting The Godfather.  Didn't go well.)  I think you are absolutely justified in waiting until the 2nd trimester though.  

I told my work early, because planning ahead is absolutely essential.  In fact, my mother still doesn't know, but my boss knows!   They are all supportive, but there is only one other precedent, so everyone is a bit unsure how to handle things.  

(We're waiting to tell my parents in person over Christmas.)  

[pokeyAC]

That sucks Sweet Huck!  It's no one else's news to tell.  It was inappropriate of your boss to ask someone to confirm a rumor especially one that involves your private health concerns.  Your boss should have come to you directly.  Your boss violated your privacy.  I'm sorry this happened to you.  I hope your boss is cool with it despite being sneaky about finding out.

I'm not worried about telling my boss because she will be really excited.  I had to tell her I was trying because I was missing so much work.  I think she started planning the baby shower then.  I am worried about telling the 2 people I support.  I just started working with them around the time I got pregnant.  I don't want them to think I'm not committed to the team and that I won't be here when they need me.  I will be coming back after maternity leave, but I will have a new priority.  Working with the new folks is a great opportunity for me and I'm making more money so I don't want to endanger the relationship.  The good news for them should be that if I hadn't started working with them, I might have considered being a SAHM more seriously.

[spotty4]

Wow!  That's terrible, Huck.  Really poor practice on the part of your boss.  I would definitely take issue w/ his underhanded behavior.  If he was curious and wanted to confirm a rumor, a good boss would have approached you directly.  I'm sorry you had to experience that today.  What a load of crap.

I am a contract employee for a federal government office.  I told my contract manager just yesterday - earlier than I wanted to, but he is a hard one to catch so I seized the moment.  I plan to tell my 2 federal managers soon, prior to folks taking leave for the holidays.  I figure if I wait until January I will be beginning to show.  I don't mind if the peanut gallery begins buzzing amongst everyone else (e.g., "Is Shelley pregnant?", "My, Shelley has really let herself go!") but I want my managers to be in the know before that can of worms is opened.

[jaxxy]

as others said, it was inappropriate and unprofessional for your boss to partake in office gossip. That's what talking about someone's personal life when they're not there is. I'm sorry it happened to you. I'd be really angry and I'd let my boss know I didn't appreciate it and possibly HR. Your boss needs some coaching.

[TxMommyof3tobe]

Totally unprofessional, although as a man (ignoring the boss part), he may have had a temporary lapse in judgement in figuring out how to approach it since most guys (or girls) don't want to just say, 'are you pregnant?'. Obviously that would be in poor taste, especially if you weren't . But, i would just say that you weren't openly telling people until the "safe period", in the second trimester. Most people understand that. Plus you can always let him know that when people asked because of certain signs, you werent going to fib, just did't want to seek out people to tell in the event of something misfortunate happening.

If I didn't own my company I would wait until 12-16 weeks to say anything for myself, unless I were performing below normal for any extended period of time.

[JNajla]

I work in 2 elementary schools and several other staff are pregnant as well, so everyone gets pretty excited about it.  I told my boss this week and of course she was even happier because my due date is a week after the last day of school so no sub will be needed.  lol.  If I worked in a more 'corporate' environment, I would be more hesitant to announce it/ be more concerned about my position.  I personally believe that your boss asking your co-worker about your personal business was completely inappropriate and VERY unprofessional.  I would be VERY upset and feel violated.  I personally don't know how I would even deal with something like this without getting upset....  Keep us posted about this.  *hugs*

[BabySmurf]

Another vote for that being totally unprofessional of your boss to confirm like that.  I would talk to him about that.  Besides that rocky situation, I have seen that *most* times the news goes over pretty well...unless as other people have said your leave were to require a lot of preparation and you had waited until the last minute to tell.  I think most people just don't want to be left in the dark.

When I got pregnant the first time, I told my boss almost immediately...before we even had a dating ultrasound.  I worked in a research lab and there were chemicals that I needed to avoid.  He almost hit the ceiling because I had literally JUST accepted a promotion and promised at least a two year commitment.  He immediately relaxed when I told him I was planning to come back to work after the baby was born.  So be aware that their reactions may be due more to panicking on their part than actually being angry or disappointed with you, kwim? For me, it turned out that I didn't go back to work...but we also didn't get the grant that we were expecting, so it all ended up working out in the end. 

I hope that you are able to clear the air soon, and hopefully you get an apology for the way this happened.  Most of the time things work out just fine. 

[Sweet Huck]

Thank you all for your input and support. I was (am) upset, but I was also conflicted ---  I wondered if my sentiments were justified or if I was being overly sensitive. It is reassuring to know that many of you would have had the same reactions if you were in my shoes.

I have a meeting with my boss on Monday afternoon to discuss project plans for the next 6 months. We'll have our little chat then.

[SweetMama34]

I definitely don't think you were being over sensitive! I'm in the same boat as the others - it wasn't fair or kind to gossip about you like that. I don't see why he couldn't have just asked you instead of someone else. So uncomfortable. :(

I hope it all goes well from here on out, though. It totally sucks how this came about, but if it all ends up good and well - perhaps it's good that this part is off your chest?

[nattery]

I'm sorry that happened to you. It isn't fair that someone else took it upon themselves to reveal personal medical information about you without going to you directly.

When I first started my job a coworker introduced herself and shared that she was pregnant. I asked her if the management knew and how they had taken the news (as I was new there and secretly pregnant I was curious!) She said she hadn't told them yet (she was almost 20 weeks) but that everyone else knew so maybe they knew too in a round about way. Maybe your boss has had similar experiences with employees letting the management know through office gossip instead of directly approaching them and so he (erroneously) responded that way.

I was extremely paranoid about my new job finding out too soon that I was pregnant so I was very tight lipped and didn't tell anyone anything at work until I told my boss directly. Of course, had I been there for awhile and had established friends there it might be a lot harder to have done that.

Hopefully you feel more relaxed after your meeting coming up. Sorry it went down that way.

[spotty4]

Huck, I see your meeting w/ your boss is this afternoon.  I hope it went well and that the dust is now settled and you can move forward in clear air!

[Sweet Huck]

Thanks, Spotty-- and thanks to everyone, too.

The meeting went well, although I simply lacked the energy to be confrontational. I had also just gotten back from a midwife appointment and listening to the sweet sound of a heartbeat... so I was pretty blissed out. Lastly, the meeting was a performance review any way and probably not the best time to be reading my boss the riot act.

Part of the review included talking about projects for the next 6 months. After I listed all my projects I simply said "And somewhere in there I'm also having a baby." At that point my boss smiled and confessed that someone had already told him (I didn't ask who) and he was wondering if I was ever going to share the news with him. He then claimed he knew all about babies and delivering babies, so I shouldn't worry about a thing (this is actually pretty terrifying-- he is exactly like Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec). 

We talked a bit about my leave, my schedule for checkups, and how we're going to handle the more complicated projects, and overall it was very positive. I AM incredibly disappointed that one of the few coworkers who knew didn't keep the secret and I am frustrated that Boss found out the way he did and that he had a conversation about it with someone else behind my back..... but I'm glad I have his support, and I'm relieved to move forward.

[BabySmurf]

Originally Posted by Sweet Huck 

Thanks, Spotty-- and thanks to everyone, too.

The meeting went well, although I simply lacked the energy to be confrontational. I had also just gotten back from a midwife appointment and listening to the sweet sound of a heartbeat... so I was pretty blissed out. Lastly, the meeting was a performance review any way and probably not the best time to be reading my boss the riot act.

Part of the review included talking about projects for the next 6 months. After I listed all my projects I simply said "And somewhere in there I'm also having a baby." At that point my boss smiled and confessed that someone had already told him (I didn't ask who) and he was wondering if I was ever going to share the news with him. He then claimed he knew all about babies and delivering babies, so I shouldn't worry about a thing (this is actually pretty terrifying-- he is exactly like Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec). 

We talked a bit about my leave, my schedule for checkups, and how we're going to handle the more complicated projects, and overall it was very positive. I AM incredibly disappointed that one of the few coworkers who knew didn't keep the secret and I am frustrated that Boss found out the way he did and that he had a conversation about it with someone else behind my back..... but I'm glad I have his support, and I'm relieved to move forward.

it's so funny that people say things like that! lol! it does sound like he is pretty oblivious to the fact that what he did was a violation of privacy.  I totally understand not wanting to be confrontational about it...but it might be something that you tip him off about in a non confrontational way.  I'm glad that things turned out positive :)