In what circumstance would you butt in on someone's birth plans? - Page 2
The best thing to say is anything supportive, in my opinion, whatever her choice is.
I had a birthing pool at home and laboured peacefully there 2 weeks after my due date, but there were serious complications and I ended up being taken away in an ambulance where they thought the machine for reading the blood pressure was broken because my blood pressure was so high. In hospital or out of it, I would have gone through the same, but the 'ideal' doesn't always pan out. We're very lucky to both be here. I went for a planned section the second time and my resting pulse was so high that the anaesthetist was extremely worried about me having a heart attack. I went into labour a week before the planned section and I was very glad to have a team of doctors on hand, working hard to keep us both safe.
I know women who have had fantastic experiences at home, in hospital, natural, with and without drugs and having sections. I also know women who have had the very worst of sorrows during delivery. These were not caused by interventions.
I feel it is our duty as women to support other women going through this and for me this support has to come in the form of respect for their choices.
My mother in law's sister lost a baby to 'overlaying' during co-sleeping. She must have been very worried at my decision to cosleep with her grandchildren, but she did not even tell me of the tragedy in the family until my babies were no longer babies because she respected my choice and trusted me to try to do the right thing.
If a friend asks for advice, I would help by leading her to sources of good information, otherwise I'd leave her to feel confident in the decisions she's making with her health care providers.
The way I've dealt with this with long term friends is talking a lot about this stuff BEFORE it's actually affecting us. I figure if the seed to doubt/believe in something is planted, then it will do what it does, and I've done my part. After that, I mostly butt out. However, this is my first time being on the receiving end of advice, and now I really know just how scary it is when you know someone is looking at you critically and saying all or nothing of their opinions. Eeep.
I usually approach this type of situation with curiosity. I might say something like "How are you feeling about the induction?" or "How are you feeling about the doctor's suggestions?" I would let the other person lead the discussion afterwards, and I would provide my own thoughts if asked or if the person was feeling uncomfortable with the induction but didn't see any other options. I would acknowledge that it is a hard decision to make, regardless of what conclusion she came to.
I think that not offering to share information is a bad thing for all of us, as a society. How does information get transmitted if no one opens their mouth about anything for fear of offending someone? How is someone supposed to know that something is even an issue if no one ever mentions it? When I was pregnant for the first time I had no idea what circumcision was. I wasn't online and I didn't have much in the way of print resources, had no idea that it was a question to even ask because I didn't know what it was. If I'd had a hospital birth my son would have been circumcised because ignorance, in a lot of cases, means that whatever people around you are doing and saying becomes the default. It doesn't even occur to you that there could be another way. So I don't assume that people have the access to information that I have, and I don't assume that they don't want it. I would be really upset if I'd gone ahead and allowed a circumcision and then later found that I had friends who knew something about it but didn't say anything because "it's best to just be supportive of the person's choice."
A better thing to do is to say something like, "Hey, I've thought and read about this sort of thing for a long time, and have some information you might not have and might be interested in having. Let me know if you want to talk."
It's a complicated situation, one that I am not good at dealing with either. I have 2 acquiantances who had babies within the last week, both went in at 41 weeks for an induction and both ended up with C-sections. I don't know them well enough where I felt like I could or should make a comment when they mentioned going in to be induced. They weren't asking for my input, and we don't have a close relationship. With a very close friend, I would be much more straightforward. I really like the previous suggestions of asking questions, so that you can get a better idea about their feelings and if they would be receptive to additional information.
This is a slightly different situation, but the article speaks to me a lot regarding not only breastfeeding, but other reproductive and childbirth choices other women make and that ultimately I need to shut up and listen instead of proffering unwanted advice