I want to make this decision with solid resolve! Why am I hesitant? Mostly finances...I feel like I'm being high maintenence by choosing to spend thousands on a home birth vs. insurance covering 100% of my hospital birth. My husband will work his tail off for a month for me to have a home birth experience.
That's not the only reason, but it does matter to me. I never spend money, and am all about being very careful with what we do have. This will put a strain on finances, for sure...and it's scary to do that at the point we're at in our lives. New business, I'm not done with school yet...
Also, I don't know for sure if we'll be living in this house when it comes time to birth. We are looking to move within the next year, and if the right house pops up, we'll probably go for it. How do I plan my birth if I don't even know where I'll be? I suppose the tradeoff is I know exactly where I'm birthing at the hospital, but no idea who my birthing team will be. This way, I may not know the exact where, but will know the whos - which is ultimately most important, right?
I had two beautiful hospital births. The only, only, only regret I have is not being able to videotape one of them due to doctor's preference/liability. I can nitpick the experiences for things I'd want differently, but overall, I have nothing to complain about. My next experience will likely be very similar.
I feel neutral enough, but an emotional pull toward homebirth - especially the difference in quality of care I'll receive. I had a consultation with a midwife I've never met before today and she gave me more care than I feel I've received over the past 6 months at the clinic I go to.
I'm just entering my second trimester, so I have a bit of time, I know - but I want the higher level of care asap. I just need help understanding that this is going to be right for me and I won't regret it. Maybe this isn't the right place for this - but I'm putting my feelers out there, trying to gather all the info and insight that I can. I feel alone and a little scared, to be honest.