This has gotten out of control.

[MountainMamaGC]

My daughter has been withholding her stool since she was 2 years old. She will be 5 in march. All dietary, and allergy causes have been ruled out. She is given a mild laxative everyday to keep her stool soft, in hopes that once her colon shrinks down and she starts going everyday we can wean her off. That was over 2 years ago. According to her she doesnt like pooping, she doesnt want to poop or even try. She will hold in diarrhea for 4 or 5 days at a time. Its liquid. She will choose being bloated and miserable and tired, over sitting on the potty. We have to fight her to give her a suppository when we start getting to one week without a movement. We are at our wits end as parents. We have tried rewarding her, disciplining her with time outs and taking privaleges away, we have tried ignoring the problem and leaving it up to her, we have gotten very angry with her, and its now taking over our lives. We are starting to resent her, and she knows it. She goes to the doctor and they say its a mental thing for her. What can we do?

[Amy@STL]

That sounds very disturbing. I had no clue a person can have that much control over bowel! If it's mental then have you tried counseling ? A different doctor ?

[MountainMamaGC]

I have an appt for Jan 24th, to hopefully get a referral for some kind of behavioural therapy. I have heard of other children with this problem but their children usually outgrow it, and the prospect of an enema or suppository is motivating enough to stop holding it. I know she has some control, because when I tell her she cant do something she really wants she will either A) go poop, or B) Thats ok I didnt want to do that anyway. Its mostly B, but sometimes A, which shows me she has some control over it.
 

[pbjmama]

Yes, she needs to see a child psych or similar as you have planned. Since you are already at your limit and need to move forward I would suggest calling the doctors office and asking for a referral now. There is no need to wait another 6 weeks.

[MountainMamaGC]

I found out I can get a referral through family services. They have a drop in on Tuesdays so I am going to see someone to come up with a plan for all of us. I hope this direction gets some results. 

[Amy@STL]

Good luck! I agree Jan is too long to wait for. I really hope both you and your daughter find relief soon.

[Neera]

Has she had difficult poops in the past? Was she constipated?

[MountainMamaGC]

Originally Posted by Neera 

Has she had difficult poops in the past? Was she constipated?

It started out that way, but it has turned into this. The constipation was initially the reason for withholding stool. 

I went to the family services outreach today. Their advice is to ignore it. Give her the meds, give her the suppository, but let her control, when and if she sits on the potty. They said its now a power struggle. I am going to try this, for a month. I dont know if it will work, but I'll try. 

[VisionaryMom]

Don't go the psych route! We're dealing with this situation, too. It turns out that it's actually far more common than I'd ever realized, and I'm glad we ignored initial advice to go with a psychological issue. There are some physical issues with our son, but it turns out that we (collectively) actually know very little about the digestive tract. It's all trial and error. We got an evaluation by an amazing pediatric GI specialist, and despite my hand-wringing, he assured us that it's not an unheard of issue.

In addition to the daily laxatives, special diets, added fiber and water (which are really important!), and probiotics, we had to do "clean outs" where we gave him massive doses of laxative. I don't suggest doing that unless you've been advised, but we have done 5 of them now over 9 months and are just beginning to see a change.

Essentially what happened with DS, and what we were told is the typical scenario, is that he was constipated at some point. He got over the constipation in that he finally had a bowel movement, but during the constipation, some feces began to form a small mass. Over time, new waste added to that mass (kind of like a very disgusting snowball!), and using the bathroom became painful. The part of the intestines where the mass forms will stretch and become de-sensitized over time. It makes it difficult to know when you've got to go, and eventually kids kind of get used to "holding it" all of the time. They lose the ability (or in the case of a 5-year-old never really had it) to be in tune with their bodies. It's very odd to me, even now, to understand that someone doesn't know when they have to go or even - in DS' case - sometimes when they've gone. DS is 7, and this started when he was about 18 months old. It's been a long, trying road, but we are starting to see the light. 

I really urge you not to ignore it because that can make it worse. We got that advice from a family doctor, too, but DS ended up in the hospital. It really is an actual physical problem. It's just not treated easily, and I honestly think most family doctors are ill equipped to deal with long-term problems.

[MountainMamaGC]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom 

Don't go the psych route! We're dealing with this situation, too. It turns out that it's actually far more common than I'd ever realized, and I'm glad we ignored initial advice to go with a psychological issue. There are some physical issues with our son, but it turns out that we (collectively) actually know very little about the digestive tract. It's all trial and error. We got an evaluation by an amazing pediatric GI specialist, and despite my hand-wringing, he assured us that it's not an unheard of issue.

In addition to the daily laxatives, special diets, added fiber and water (which are really important!), and probiotics, we had to do "clean outs" where we gave him massive doses of laxative. I don't suggest doing that unless you've been advised, but we have done 5 of them now over 9 months and are just beginning to see a change.

Essentially what happened with DS, and what we were told is the typical scenario, is that he was constipated at some point. He got over the constipation in that he finally had a bowel movement, but during the constipation, some feces began to form a small mass. Over time, new waste added to that mass (kind of like a very disgusting snowball!), and using the bathroom became painful. The part of the intestines where the mass forms will stretch and become de-sensitized over time. It makes it difficult to know when you've got to go, and eventually kids kind of get used to "holding it" all of the time. They lose the ability (or in the case of a 5-year-old never really had it) to be in tune with their bodies. It's very odd to me, even now, to understand that someone doesn't know when they have to go or even - in DS' case - sometimes when they've gone. DS is 7, and this started when he was about 18 months old. It's been a long, trying road, but we are starting to see the light. 

I really urge you not to ignore it because that can make it worse. We got that advice from a family doctor, too, but DS ended up in the hospital. It really is an actual physical problem. It's just not treated easily, and I honestly think most family doctors are ill equipped to deal with long-term problems.

Thanks for this post. Every mom I know that dealt with this, their child outgrew it. I was just looking for someone else that has dealt with this as long as we have, and when I didnt I really started wondering if something was wrong with my daughter. I am still going to take her in, in Jan. Maybe I will get a referral to my GI, because he seemed to have the same treatment and explanation as you when I talked to him during my checkup. I want to get her blood checked for deficiencies, to make sure the long term use of MoM hasnt made her deficient. 

[puddle]

So sorry that your family is going through this!  We've dealt with this on a smaller scale.  My daughter started withholding at around 15 months, and at age 5 still goes through occasional brief periods of it, but we're mostly through it.  The only suggestion I have that you may or not have tried yet is the book It Hurts When I Poop!   My daughter loved this book.  I showed her the picture of the digestive system and explained how the poop could only get out one way, and that it would never go away--it would just stay inside and get bigger.  It seemed to help when she saw the picture and understood that the poop really was going to have to come out eventually.  She wanted me to read the book every time she tried to poop.  Occasionally she still wants the book when she gets scared.  We also talked about how we wished there was a magic machine that could just make the poop disappear without her having to let it out, and that maybe someday she could invent one, but for now there was only one way to get it out.  It sounds like your daughter may be past the point at which this will help, but I imagine that it can't make things any worse to try.  I hope you get resolution soon! 

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by MountainMamaGC 

Thanks for this post. Every mom I know that dealt with this, their child outgrew it. I was just looking for someone else that has dealt with this as long as we have, and when I didnt I really started wondering if something was wrong with my daughter. I am still going to take her in, in Jan. Maybe I will get a referral to my GI, because he seemed to have the same treatment and explanation as you when I talked to him during my checkup. I want to get her blood checked for deficiencies, to make sure the long term use of MoM hasnt made her deficient. 

I have worried quite a bit about deficiencies. I really thought they would start to think that I'm a little neurotic about it (I think our family doctor and general ped were), but our GI doc does test his vitamin levels every 6 months just to make sure. We're also under strict orders to call if his weight gets any lower. When he had a virus a few months ago, our pediatrician's office consulted our specialist about a hospital admission because DS lost 1.5 pounds. He's only 46 pounds at 7YO, so he's pretty slight. The growth problem is my biggest concern honestly.

I would definitely go in January. I know it seems like a long time away, but the trajectory on this problem is pretty long anyway. I hope that you find answers! It's frustrating and not something that many other people understand if they haven't been through it. 

[Neera]

OP, we went through constipation, holding for days etc. It was a struggle for 2 years or so. I am trying to find an old post of mine as I have written the same post a few times and will post it here again. We sometimes still at almost 6 have holding, i.e. if she senses any firmness/harness of poop, but nothing like it used to be.

[egmaranian]

Oh my goodness, I am dealing with this with my 3.5yo DS and it's soooo frustrating!!  We have food/eating issues as well and after reading all of these responses, now I'm wondering if his food issues might indirectly be affected by his inability or desire not to poop.  We have not done any laxatives because he never seems bothered by not going, but it's GOT to be painful and uncomfortable.  I'm thinking he might have that desensitization of the digestive tract thing going on. 

[MountainMamaGC]

Just a little update to say things are improving again. I am giving her MoM twice a day, and she is going about every 2 days. She even sat down on the potty to try with out me asking her to today. We are all in better spirits about it these days.