3 weeks old...I guess I'm wondering when it gets easier.

[ananas]

DD is 3 weeks old (today!) and has to constantly be held/nursing. I KNOW that's what is normal for a newborn, so I guess I'm just looking ahead to when it might get a little easier and I'm just wondering when that may be?

At night she sleeps 4-6 hour stretches so I know I really can't even complain at all because I've already lucked out. But during the day I really cannot get ANYTHING done. If she's awake, she wants to be eating. She's not a baby that nurses for 15 minutes on each side and is done for an hour or two- literally if her eyes are open, she's eating. She will not unlatch unless she fell asleep, and even then she tends to stay latched on and suck every once in a while. SO can comfort/distract her for maybe 10-15 minutes at night with bouncing, music, etc...so that I can at least get a shower in, but that doesn't always work. I can't really get anything done during the day because she wakes up if I put her down. My doula gave us a swing and it's been a lifesaver because I can sometimes get 15-20 minutes to do laundry or dishes if she'll stay asleep, but if she is awake, it does nothing to comfort her.

When I was pregnant I always thought "Well I'll just wear her" but...that hasn't proved to be as easy as it sounds. We have three carriers...the New Native Baby Carrier is nice for discreet nursing when we're out of the house but it's by no means a hands free nursing carrier, and when she's asleep in it, she hangs too low and it hurts my shoulders and my tummy (my tummy/uterus is still fairly tender so having that weight against it hurts after a bit), so I can't wear her in that while I do stuff around the house. The moby wrap is nice, I like how snug it holds her and she does sleep well in it, IF I can get it on fast enough! But usually by the time I get it wrapped and ready, she's angry and wants to nurse to calm down, and there doesn't seem to be any carries with that that I can nurse her in. So, I end up having to sit back down, nurse her, and then when she falls back asleep I can get her in the Moby. The Ergo I like, she seems to like it...I should try that one out more I guess. It's not super easy to nurse her in that yet, either.

My house is falling apart, though, and more importantly than that, I feel like I am kind of falling apart. On the rare occasion that she'll sleep for an hour in the swing instead of on me, I feel like a whole new person, because I have some time to just kind of regather, eat a meal easily, sip some tea, and maybe put some laundry away. But on days, like today, where the longest I was able to put her down for was about 15 minutes earlier this afternoon, it just gets very wearing. I absolutely adore her, and I love nursing, and I really don't mind spending hours doing it...I just wanna be able to pee every once in a while without feeling guilty because she's crying! It's also hard to go out, which is what I was expecting with a newborn anyway, and it's hard to have visitors or go to other people's houses because they want to hold her and they make comments about how she doesn't like them, how maybe she is spoiled, maybe she is just gassy, "Does she have a pacifier?", "Man, she eats for a long time"...because like I said, if she is awake, she wants to be eating. I know she's normal and that I'm doing the right thing by meeting her needs however she needs me to, but it's frustrating to hear comments, especially when I'm around people who didn't breastfeed, or haven't had a newborn in decades, or feel that babies need to be "trained". People try to swaddle her (which she hates) and then hold her like a baby and rock her (which she also hates...for the few minutes a day when she is awake and not eating, she wants to be upright and looking around), and they don't get why it makes her scream.

So, I'm looking for two things- one, if you had a LO with similar needs, at what age did things seem to change a little? And what did you do/how did you cope when their needs were so high?

[MeepyCat]

When my first baby was new, our pediatrician took a look at our darling, easy baby and said "Just to warn you, sometime babies get fussier as they get more vigorous.  If that happens, just know that it's not something you did wrong."  If a baby is going to be colicky, colic kicks in at about 3 weeks of age.  It peaks at around 6 weeks, and goes away by 3 months.

And there's a three week growth spurt, when the baby will be hungry all the time.  It kind of sounds like you've hit that.

Things might be much better in a few days, or they might be rough for a few months yet.  It's hard to tell. 

We found swaddling hugely helpful, BUT - a good swaddle is a skill.  You can't just kind of loosely wrap a blanket around the baby.  It's more like a receiving blanket straitjacket (if your baby doesn't like being swaddled, she probably won't like the Moby either, it's very swaddle-y).  Generally, we found "The Happiest Baby on the Block" (Harvey Karp, and I hear there's a DVD) really useful.  The book recommends doing certain things to recreate the uterine environment and activate a baby's calming reflexes during the "fourth trimester" that includes swaddling, swinging or swaying, white noise, sucking, and side-lying.  These are all at least easy to try.

My kids calmed down almost instantly when we went outside.  I used to hang out on the porch in my pajamas and my winter coat when they were cranky. 

My rule on responding to crying babies is "pee first."  Seriously.  The best way to calm a baby down is physically - You need to put the baby on your body, and relax as much as you can, and exude calm.  But the baby will pick up on any tension in your body, so if you're tensing up around a full bladder, this is not going to go well.  Pee first.  Pee even if you don't think you have to, just in case.

Tell the people who cradle her that they're making her think she's going to feed them.  She gets annoyed with that because she feels cheated.  Arms are for eating, *shoulders* are for snuggling, and don't rub her cheeks, because that activates her rooting and nursing reflexes.  If they disregard these rules, they are going to have to hand the baby back to you quick, before she files a complaint with the Truth in Advertising commission.

[aaahmyeye]

Oh it gets better! It gets so much better!!  I do not think my dd was colicy, but she was FUSSY her first 6 weeks of life.  Looking back on it, I think she would have been like your dd and constantly nursing if I had let her, except I was under the misguided impression that babies only "needed" to eat every 2-3 hours.  She nursed - and would nurse for about 45 mins, every 2 hours.  But when she wasn't nursing she was usually fussing.  She wanted to be held ALL THE TIME.  Probably if I were parenting her now I would just nurse her, but at the time I thought  "She just ate.  She can't be hungry!"  So instead we bounced and walked a lot.  She liked being in a carrier, but you had to be moving all the time. She is still like that (she's one year now) - if you are holding her, she likes you to walk.  When you sit down she will protest.  However, I thionk she is much easier now than she was as a newborn.  Part of it is I know her better than I did then.  But she is also less demanding than she was (in those areas - now she has new demanding areas -haha).  I know around 6 weeks (which is supposed to be the peak of fussiness) she became quite a bit easier.  And little by little, I could set her down without her screaming.  It happened slowly, until around 3 or 4 months old I remember thinking "wow, I can totally set her down without her freaking out! OMG I have two hands free!!!" 

Nursing gets easier too.  She still nurses, though it is fast.  Her longest nursing sessions are 15 mins now.  I don't remember when they started to get shorter.  I think it was gradual as well; perhaps around 2/3 months I remember nursing not feeling so all consuming all the time.

Those early days were tough.  But she will change.  Honestly, now I miss those days of holding her as a newborn (she's 23 lbs now - quite a bit tougher to hold for long periods). The best thing I did to help me cope with the constant nursing was to set up a station with the computer, so I could surf the net while she nursed.  It made me feel like I was at least doing something besides nursing for 10 hours a day. And I texted a lot, because you could keep up with friends without worrying your baby would start to cry and ruin a conversation.

It will get better.  I don't know when your little one will "allow" you to set her down, or not nurse all the time, but it happened for me.  In the meantime, you are being an awesome mama meeting her needs!! Good for you!! It can wear you out, for sure.  You are doing a great job!

[modestmothering]

Big hugs for you, mama.  

My DD is just turning five months and I can relate to every piece of story you just told.  At five months I still feel like I am making huge sacrifices to my own comfort and time and I still haven't figured out how to fit being a parent into the life that I left behind for now.  But.  It will come.  

Something that keeps my chin up:  it seriously changes.  Every week, maybe every day, you start to notice that things change.  Often, things get easier.  You get more accustomed to being a mom.  Your baby gets less clingy and is able to sit or play by herself for a few blessed moments.  She changes her sleeping pattern.  She changes her eating pattern.  She changes how she cries, she communicates better.  Your arms get used to the holding.  You find a way to read a book.  You figure out how to take a power nap.  You finally ask for help when you need it.  Eventually, your body heals.  Eventually, your equilibrium of energy makes a comeback.  

Hang in there.  There is so much to learn.  

I, too, feel like I am just on the brink of despair at times.  Wasn't this supposed to be easier?  Wasn't DD just supposed to LOVE being worn in a sling while I do all those things that I always loved doing?  I feel you.  

Time passes and things change.  That's the what of the what.  

[MrsGregory]

It doesn't get easier, but I think you get better at managing.  I have a new toddler now, and I'm deep in "This is the hardest stage yet!" country.  Seriously, she's mobile, but still clingy, and completely unable to do anything or follow any instructions or keep her hands off the toilet paper for 5 minutes.  ("Shut the door!" you say?  Oh, sure, one more thing to remember.)

Little Miss was fairly well along before the house was clean again.  The tile was only spot-cleaned for months.  It seemed like all I did for the first 3 months of her life was sit on the couch, reading or watching television, and let her nurse, or sleep on me, or play with her toys with her.  Don't forget, when you're feeling like you're doing nothing, you're doing all those things!

Also, I bought a swing.  I, too, had decided I would just wear her, since she screamed like she was being boiled in oil the minute I set her down.  HAH!  I just wore her again the other day for holiday shopping (We still get lots of compliments at 14 months old in the sling, yay!), but I never did get comfortable wearing her while doing dishes or cooking.  She LOVED to nap in the swing, it turned out, so there was dishes and cooking time right there.

It'll work out.  Hang in there!
 

[neonalee]

Hang in there mama! I can't remember how long that stage lasted for us ( he's over 2 now) but boy do I remember going through it! It may be one of the big reasons I didn't really enjoy when he was am infant. Thankfully I went back to work full time. While it didn't help my house it did help me some. I do remember it felt like every 3 & 6 months something happened to make it better.

Oh, also I was unable to wear & nurse. Which meant I was unable to wear him cuz all he did was squirm around & scream. If he was on me he wanted to be nursing. This turned out good though; his daddy wore him & they bonded that way:) and whenever daddy wore him I got a break!

Sent from my phone using Tapatalk, please ignore typos.

[LilyTiger]

ananas, your daughter sounds a lot like my daughter.  She had to be worn all the time and ate almost constantly (in our case, a lot of it was at night, which made things worse).  She didn't nap during the day, had to be bolt upright to see everything that was going on, and was just generally exhausting.  I noticed a huge change in her at 8 weeks.  All of a sudden, I could leave her in a vibrating chair for five minutes while I peed.  And then the stretches became longer.  I could put her on a playmat with a mobile to bat at for 10 minutes so I could make lunch.... and so on.  Things got better quickly after that.  She's still very hands on at 4 months, but she'll entertain herself with toys for short periods and she actually takes one or two hour long naps during the day (my saviors).  It can get much better very quickly.

[studentDr]

hang in there you're doing a great job

don't worry about the house so much

look after yourself too

hugs

[studentDr]

in the first week of life the baby loses 10% of its body weight

then it gains rapidly by eating non stop for ..... I have to look it up.....

[esinedeggplant]

My baby was like this too as a newborn. It felt like all I did was nurse and pump (because I had supply issues). In retrospect I probably should have nursed her even more! I had awful cabin fever. Around 4 weeks I was able to start going on little outings to parks and stuff. Even a little walk once a day is so helpful if you can manage it.

The first day I left the house alone was around 3 weeks. My MIL stayed with her for about 40 minutes and I went to the library and checked out a bunch of DVDs. That helped a LOT. It made me feel so much more relaxed about camping out on the couch nursing all the time.

I also subscribed to Netflix and watched Mad Men every time I nursed for awhile. That was awesome.

You can search YouTube and find all kinds of videos to help you figure out how to nurse in all kinds of carriers, including the Moby. Even so it can be hard to nurse them in a carrier when they are that little or you are still new to BFing.

I remember the stress/guilt of trying to get the Moby on while she was screaming. Can you try putting it on while she's sleeping? You'll end up wearing it all day, but at least that way once she's awake you can get her in there before she gets upset.

It gets better. I promise!

[AnaKat405]

You've got a lot of great responses and I just wanted to chime in, in agreement that yes it does get easier. My little one just turned three months old yesterday and it's amazing how much things change with her week to week. The first few days with her she mostly slept, then I experienced the non stop around the clock nursing. She recently hit her 3 month growth spurt and went back to the non stop nursing, except at night when she only wakes up once or twice.

My DH was very supportive during the early period. Making sure I had plenty of food prepared in the fridge, snacks and water by the bed. I didn't get to bathe or shower for days at a time and once he ran a bath for me, but she cried the entire time so I was in and out within ten minutes.

She has never been much for naps and prefers to take around four, sometimes five, 20-minute cat naps, rarely indulging in an hour + stretch at a time.

I'm going to say things started to change at around five weeks when her personality started to become more apparent. Around this time she discovered her thumb, but unfortunately not the coordination to suck it so we went through a lot of crying in frustration and her crying escalating if I picked her up in attempt to soothe her. So, if she started to get frustrated, instead of picking her up I'd just sit there and kinda talk to her in a soothing voice. She'd settle back down, go back to her thumb until she got frustrated again. I started paying closer attention to her behavior, since it wasn't simply sleep / eat / nap anymore, and based on observing her I developed a routine of letting her play until she starts to get tired (drooping eyelids, fussing, yawning), then winding her down for a nap. We usually do that with a diaper change, during which I sing a little made up song, then a little calm play which is mostly us cooing and smiling at each other or her staring at my hair and giggling (I had dreadlocks for nearly a decade and after the first couple weeks with her realized that I wasn't going to have time for them anymore so hacked them off over the course of a week. My remaining hair sticks up in a way that I imagine is quite amusing for her ), after a few minutes of play she'll usually look for my nipple, then eat until she's ready to go to sleep.

When I first started this routine sometimes she would resist the naps, because we didn't really have any pre-nap routine. It was just "it's time for you to take a nap", then I'd rock her and sing to her or swaddle her and put on white noise and rock her, all of which she'd fight like we were engaged in a death match. Now she seems to give into sleep more easily with a less abrupt interruption to whatever she was engaged in when she started getting tired.

I noticed that she can usually stay awake for a period of 2 hours max, sometimes only 90 minutes. If I let her stay up beyond 2 hours it gets difficult to help her to settle and we'll have to endure a cranky crying jag, usually skipping any winding down routine and just letting her nurse until she falls asleep.

I'll also say that I haven't taken her anywhere aside from doctors appointments early on (still on the fence about vaxing, but am certain if I do have them done I want them delayed and am still looking for a doctor who is open to that), one visit to a friend's house and an occasional trip to the store. Now that she's become more aware of things, she just gets too overstimulated for it right now. Before, she'd usually nurse or just fall asleep, lately she's just become fussy, even for brief walks around the block. But things change so often with her, if I take her out next week she might be all about wanting to get outside. I'm pretty much okay with this, though, because I don't like people expecting they'll get to hold her and wanting to touch her. We went outside to check the mail and a neighbor across the street that had never spoken to me before came running over asking to hold her. When I declined she oohed and ahhed at her, commented on her color and hair texture (DH is white, I'm black / Polynesian, LO looks white and much to neighbor lady's surprise does not have an afro) and wiped spit up off of her face... with her fingers. Ugh.

Anyway, I'm rambling. The main thing I've found that helps is having a routine. Letting her know what to expect throughout the day seems to have helped immensely. If anything has to change for any reason, I tell her before I do it, as far in advance as I can, and remind her of it often. Simple things like, "Daddy is going to give you a bath tonight" or, "We're going to go outside this afternoon for maybe 20 minutes". I don't know why, but it really seems to help. Even if I'm moving her from the bed to her play area on the floor I let her know before I do it and talk to her while I'm doing it, "Up we go... here's your play mat... down we go". She's more content to stay and play there for periods of up to an hour if I tell her instead of just picking her up and putting her there. She's been laying there stroking her hair, kicking her legs and talking to the ceiling while I've been typing this reply.

It does get easier. Congrats on your little one!

[Heather Lyn]

HANG IN THERE, my friend. 

I had an extremely high needs, screechy baby and he got more manageable at 4 months and much more manageable at 5 months.  I know that sounds like a very long time, but everyone told me he would calm down by 3 months and when he didn't, I freaked out.  But he did eventually get less screechy and started to be able to entertain himself for a few minutes so that I could sit down and have a cup of tea without him turning into a terrifying lizard-monster.  Now he's a high energy, handful of a 15 month old.

This is what I did to survive:

• I got as much help (paid and unpaid, babysitting, cleaning and cooking) as I could.  I mean, as much as possible.  I was desperate.

• I joined a post partum stress support group at which babies were NOT allowed.  We met once a week for 2 hours.  Also joined a weekly one that did allow babies.

• Went to The Fussy Baby Site whenever I could and signed up for a fussy baby pen pal (an email buddy who also had a fussy baby). 

• I read many many comments on the Ask Moxie blog.  Love her.

• I read The High Needs Baby by Dr. Sears - some was helpful.

• I ignored comments about "training," "spoiling," "he's using you as a pacifier," "they only need to eat every four hours," etc. and asked my husband to help me fend them off  :)

• I also ignored comments from "the other side" like "he's screaming like that because he had a traumatic birth," "if you relax he'll relax," "he'll relax if you do cranio-sacral therapy," and "why don't you try wearing him more?"

• I just got through the day.  It was the hardest five months of my life but we made it and now it's okay!!  You'll make it too!!

[mamazee]

My older one was colicky and high needs. The first three months were really really really difficult. The next three months were a little easier, and after 6 months it was a bit better yet. But really the whole first year was difficult for me.

The good news is that it does get better, and it keeps getting better. And 4-6 hour stretches at that age is great. The one I'm talking about woke every 1.5 hours until she was 2. The lack of sleep makes thing so hard. If you're able to get some sleep - and that might well get even better as well - I think you'll find that things get a lot better as they're able to interact with you, and then again when they're able to play with stuff a bit.

Hold in there! You're doing great and things will keep getting easier. The first few months are sometimes called "the fourth trimester" because they're still needing constant attention. It's like babies are born a few months earlier than ideal. I've heard evolutionary talk about this - that maybe at one time the gestation period was even longer? I'm no expert in this kind of thing, but babies are born more immature than most other species' babies.

Try to find a support group - either La Leche League, or something through a local hospital or library, or a MeetUp group or whatever you can so you don't feel isolated.

[Sol_y_Paz]

I could have written this post, right down to the carriers you own too.  Only mine refused all devices like the swing.  And didn't sleep near as long.  

Don't worry.  It got better - MUCH better!  I think around 4 months in my own case.   Someone told me for the 1st month you won't feel human or all (not sure what that meant, but didn't ask just made a mental note that after 1 month it will get easier), another said I felt like all I did for 2 months was feed the LO.  When my baby passed those 2 marks I wondered what was wrong.  Nothing was wrong.  All babies aren't the same.  Lots of other advice was given, which I will talk about more below.  

What helped:

- Got lots of good shows, set up a nursing station for nursing and spent the day there watching stuff and letting baby nurse.  Have everything you want close.   

- Not comparing my baby to others, my nursing to others, or letting others bully/nag me into doing things I don't feel comfortable with all in the name of being "helpful"

-Ignored all negative and unhelpful comments and distanced myself from those types of people/situations whenever possible.  Their constant stream of comments and judgments of me/baby made it not worth the company.  If I could do it all over again I would come up with clever comebacks 

-Took a break with the steady stream of visitors.  They wanted to pass around baby and hold baby but it didn't work out since I was nursing so often.

-Stopped clock watching when possible, this helped me a lot since I went with the flow more easily when not so focused on the clock all the time when I was woken up x amounts of times during the night.  I just let it go.  

- Got help right away with supportive people, in person worked best for me.  But I liked Kellymom and spent a lot of time on there.  And La Leche League was extremely helpful.  I went to some meetings.  It was hard but worth the effort since it was SUPER.  And the ladies there continue to support me even months later.  Also I had a great LC that helped a lot too.  

-Accepted help from certain people just to hold sleeping baby or bounce baby on an exercise ball or walk around with babe in arms (sometimes it worked - sometimes it didn't) at my house while I could do whatever (mostly run to the bathroom, or eat, brush teeth, shower)

-Napped when baby did if ever possible, really helped

-Dr Sears fussy baby book

-Ate and drank lots of bottled water whle nursing, kept stuff close by within arms reach at all times

-Adjusted expectations of everything else

Edited by Sol_y_Paz - 12/12/12 at 11:51am

[ethylester]

This sounds like my son. I thought he was like this because he was a preemie, but it sounds like he's just being a baby! He is 3 months adjusted age and it is slowly getting easier. He will sleep for about 6 hours at night, which is new and amazing. I also thought that i would just wear him all the time, but like you said, it takes forever to get those darn things on! By the time you figure out all the snaps and clips, he's screaming so hard he can't breathe and sweat is beading on his head. Then if you actually get lucky and he calms down in the carrier, you still can't do anything because he is in the way! Like dishes or cooking, he just gets water/food all over his head or he gets squished between you and the sink. It's not comfortable at all. And you have to bend all weird... just not fun.

Does your daughter have reflux? I just wondered because of her wanting to always be upright. My son has reflux and for a long time he couldn't stand to be on his back. Only recently he has started liking his back when he is playing but he still can't sleep or chill out on his back. He likes to fall asleep upright or on his tummy. I have experienced the same as you - people want to hold him "like a baby" and they are in for a surprise because he just screams at them. I tell them to put him up on their shoulder, but I guess people have to see for themselves. It's frustrating when people don't listen to you and they think they have the magic touch and act like somehow you must be doing it wrong. But you are the one who is with your baby 24/7, not them. You know her better than anyone else in the world. Just remember that.

My son constantly wants to be held, too. My dishes are piled high and I have so many dirty clothes to wash, it's so irritating not to have time to do these things. People come over to visit and I am embarrassed by the state of my house. I go days without showering because I just don't have a chance. Don't you just feel like you are a body and that's it? You don't get to do things you want/need to do because your physical body needs to be available to be used by the baby at all times. It's sort of humbling.

Just wanted to empathize with you and say that I am sure it gets better. It's gradual, but it does happen. I am still waiting for the day when I can put him down with his toys and he will entertain himself for a good 20 minutes so I can eat something at a normal pace instead of shoving it in my mouth as fast as I can. So far he's been able to do it for maybe 10 or 13 minutes, but that's more than he did a few months ago. So it's gradual. You just gotta remember patience. Good luck!

[LittleBirdy]

It will get easier, I promise.  Your baby sounds a lot like my older son was.  I couldn't put him down for an instant until he was about 5 weeks old, and at that point he might be content in a bouncy seat for 15 or 20 minutes.  At 8 weeks you start to really get into a groove, and around 3 months they can really become quite enjoyable little things!  Four months can often be a fussy stage - we are just coming out of this with my younger son, who turns 5 months old this week.  The other day he grabbed a handful of earring/hair and was laughing at his cleverness as I tried to escape his grasp with my earlobe intact!  It was a little painful but so adorable to see him start to "play".

Is your baby gaining well?  If so, maybe try a pacifier?  I find them especially helpful when you're wearing the baby.  Since the baby is upright and not in the usual nursing position, she may be more open to a substitute.
 

[sageowl]

The newborn stage is rough.  I personally wish I could skip it.  It will get easier, but it happens gradually and in stages. 

Don't count on being able to get anything done while the baby's conscious for quite awhile.  Unless you pay someone else to do it, your house will be falling apart during most of the first year.  That's just the reality of life with a babe.  I didn't feel like I got anything done around the house until DS was 2!

The swing was a lifesaver for me, but he couldn't do it until he was a couple of months old.  It got used a lot during the colicky stage (6 weeks-3 months), and it was good for short naps too.  (When he got too big for the swing, the highchair kinda served the same function).

Wearing a baby is hard at first, mine was a month old before DS really wanted to be worn much...then he wanted to be worn all the time for awhile there.  The moby wrap got used a lot until he got too big for it (then it was Ergo time).  I got pretty good at nursing DS in there, BTW!  Keep trying.

The not having any personal space or alone time whatsoever was hard for me too.  I don't think I got to eat a normal meal for months.  Even drinking a cup of tea was hard because of course there was a baby in my lap at all times.  Going to the bathroom by yourself will be a rare luxury...honestly, it still is nearly 3 years later.

Things seemed to get easier in stages.  Seems like one of them was around 4 months, when the gassy/colicky stage ended.  Another "getting-easier" time happened around 6 months or so.  Then around 9 months.  Then around 12 months, mainly because he started sleeping through the night at that age.

As far as coping...mostly just reminding myself "this too shall pass".  I'm not really a "baby person", but it's a necessary evil, so I just told myself I'd "get through this".  I was really connected with my son, and slogged through the awful days because you just kinda know you have to, but buried in the midst of all that are some really wonderful moments.  I've been around enough kids to know that they all do certain things, and as annoying as those things are, they end in time, and that just makes it easier to keep each day in perspective.

The expression, "The days are long, but the years are short" is a good one...each day with a baby (or toddler) feels like it can drag on into endless eternity, but yet, at the same time, you notice that time has somehow hit warp speed.  It's a bizarre phenomenon.

[Jaxy]

I didn't read the replies yet but this is my 2 cents. My DS is turning 3 months this Sunday and I'd say he started being more independent at about 6 weeks. But know that I went back to work and that daddy kinda makes things differently than I do. Cause before, he was like yours, wanting to be held at all times and nursing, can't put him down, etc. We got him a bouncer and at first he hated it, now he likes it, I put him in it at my feet while I do the dishes and he just looks at me lol, and he can be quiet for at least a good half hour! DH plays rock'n roll for him and that quiets him down for quite a while lol! Vacuum cleaner is good for that too! For the people's comments... Well... You'll just have to deal with them. I know it sucks, but people are people, they are nosy, have/had different realities, and you can't change them. You can always say that you do not need advice and would prefer if they didn't comment... Good luck and enjoy your DD although it's hard at times, she won't be that way forever :)

Oh and by the way, I understand what you mean by feeling like a new person when you get a little free time... In a few weeks (or whenever you can), try to pump a little bit (that's another story, it can be hard at the beginning, but gets better) and take some time for yourself!

[element2012]

Originally Posted by studentDr 

hang in there you're doing a great job
don't worry about the house so much
look after yourself too
hugs

This.  This time will go by so fast, and you will be dealing with entirely different challenges.  For example, my DD is 10.5 months and I just commented to my husband how the newborn stage is easier than this! My girl is going through a TERRIBLE sleep phase and I am beyond exhausted.  At least when they are very little, the boob really does fix anything.  Now sometimes DD will be so wound up that it is almost impossible to get her cranky behind to sleep.  It's TORTURE!  Ha.  I do remember the general frazzle-ness I felt in those early weeks.  I mean, my goodness, you've only been doing this "mom" thing for 3 weeks, cut yourself some slack. And please, please, please take any and all help offered, and ask! The only way I showered or got anything done around the house was when someone else was holding her. DH was designated baby holder #1, and grandma was more than happy to come over a few times a week to be baby holder #2 for a few hours.  Grandmas are great napping buddies for babies because they'll usually take a nap too! :)  And yes, eventually you will be able to put your baby down for x amount of time, it's not like this forever!

[Midwesterner04]

It was still so hard at 3 weeks!  My baby was high needs and had trouble transferring milk efficiently while relearning to suck after having her extensive tongue tie clipped, and I remember that at 3 weeks we were still working hard at latching on, which meant we were always working on it, since she nursed almost constantly.  Cleaning and going places were not realistic for us, lol. I was just trying to keep up with the endless fountain of spit up.  About 4 weeks in it got a little easier and life changed some after the 6-week growth spurt.  A very big help was learning to use a sling--that way she could nurse constantly but I could more easily get around my house or walk to the store. We stayed home more than I would have expected, and I did less housework than I would have expected, for a number of months, but it definitely got easier as we moved out of the newborn period. And I am so glad I put off the external concerns and really devoted my time to my baby--we developed such a wonderful and joyful bond during those weeks in the trenches together. 

Hang in there.  It will get better, and you are doing a terrific job.