New to the forum New to the old problem - Good kid being bullied at school by "best friend". HELP!

[southcarolina]

So.. my 6 year old befriended a new kid who came to our school, my kid lots of friends, new kid no friends.. my kid feeling sorry and wanting help...

my kid good heart.. so this been going on for few months since the school started.

We became friends with the parents.

Kid quickly started dominating my child, more and more, showing abusive emotionally

and mentally behaviours.. as in would grab something from my child and would tease..

would not share some play spaces trying to dominate the place and push my child away..

my child cried on many occasions becuase the other kid woudl just make my kid upset

for sheer pleasure. I saw it with my very own eyes...

the more time went by.. it turns that the other kids is canning and plotting and

would talk to my child about hurting other creatures and being generally mean ..

my child wanted no part of such a talk, witness my child telling the other kid

not to talk "like that".

now after some more conflicts my child finally got upset and did not want to play with the other child on the playground at the recess, the other kid pushed my kid off some climbing wall on purpose,

my kid got hurt but did not report..

next day my kid per my request avoids the other child completly, the other kid follows

and bugs my kid, my kid tells that kid "you pushed me off that thing and I hurt myself go away, I don't want to play with you"..

the other kid gets to hit my child, my kid trying to cover with hands.. the other runs to the

adult and reporst that my kid did not want to play with her...

and the adult saw them pushing eachouther or so she wrote in the report,

and my kid get in trouble.

okay help please?

That other kid has a long history of abusing other kids, few good solid acts ever since school started, my kid was a model student, best grades, now because she tried to help that person and we tried to do the same as a family .. now we are deailng with consequences of the other parents raising the bully and approving it and encouraging it?..

I am pretty sure they told that kid to do that what that kid did did... to report my child for not wanting to play with that kid although they were aware that their kid did hurt my child as I told the mother.

ugh..

oh and that one: once on a playdate when the other kid numer of times tried to take away stuff from my child making my child upset on purpose and laughed about it many times.. finally we broke up the playdate only to be aksed next day by the other mother.. "what was your daughter upset about"???

I was like what? I did not say much ecause opportunity did not allow but I was thinking like.. are you %$% kidding me? your child is bullying a good kid and you take pleasure in not noticing it and dare to ask me what my child was upset about?

What do you do when your kid  start friendship with bully withouth knowing it and then

your child gets in trouble with school for trying to break the friendship?

[contactmaya]

It sounds like a difficult situation. I just wanted to comment on the mothers question about the playdate-maybe she didnt witness what went on....

If the situation were to continue, especially with the bully getting the teachers involved, it might be a good idea to have a talk with them.

[southcarolina]

Thank you for your reply. The other mom did see everything. It was quite few occassions that the other child would bully mine and it was right in her face

to no comments or action of her. My child and I was hoping it was some phase, some temporary thing as the other kid might not understand the problem

and needed some adjustement from other school or something. but since it is going on and the other child simply is mean to my child and likes

to make my child upset and enjoys it truly then I don't really see any other options as ask my child to stay away from the other at school.

The other one keeps following my child and is getting aggivated by my child not wanting to play with that child and that

eventually turned ugly as the other kid would try to hurt my child for not playing with that one.

What else to do here?

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by southcarolina 

The other mom did see everything. It was quite few occassions that the other child would bully mine and it was right in her face

to no comments or action of her.

Some parents feel that it is best for kids to learn to stand up for themselves, and feel that when kids are pushing each other around a bit or arguing, they are developing life skills. This is an issue where there is really a continuum, and it sounds like you and the other mom are on opposite ends of the spectrum (I'm somewhere in the middle).

Originally Posted by southcarolina 

Kid quickly started dominating my child, more and more, showing abusive emotionally

and mentally behaviours.. as in would grab something from my child and would tease..

would not share some play spaces trying to dominate the place and push my child away..

my child cried on many occasions becuase the other kid woudl just make my kid upset

for sheer pleasure. I saw it with my very own eyes...

I think it would be helpful for your DD to learn skills beyond crying, including saying no and walking away, and then getting an adult if neither of those work. The other girls behavior is very problematic, but bullies thrive on getting a rise out of kids. Part of the solution for your DD is learn to not get all worked up. Unless she learns that, she may repeat this same pattern with other kids throughout her childhood. 

now after some more conflicts my child finally got upset and did not want to play with the other child on the playground at the recess, the other kid pushed my kid off some climbing wall on purpose,

my kid got hurt but did not report..

next day my kid per my request avoids the other child completly, the other kid follows

and bugs my kid, my kid tells that kid "you pushed me off that thing and I hurt myself go away, I don't want to play with you"..

the other kid gets to hit my child, my kid trying to cover with hands.. the other runs to the

adult and reporst that my kid did not want to play with her...

and the adult saw them pushing eachouther or so she wrote in the report,

and my kid get in trouble.

I think the situation has escalated to the point where a meeting with the teacher is appropriate. Some of what you say really isn't the teachers problem -- kids have issues, they start friendships and then decide they don't like each other, what the other mom does at home isn't her concern. But your DD needs to be physically safe at school, and the teacher needs a heads up that she isn't and isn't speaking up about it.

The more subtle bullying -- the mean girls stuff -- is very hard for teachers to actually witness and therefore to deal with. Continue working with your DD on avoiding this girl and saying no. Also work on nurturing her friendships with nice kids.

Although this is an extremely unpleasant situation for your DD, there is also a lot she can learn. She can learn about picking friends, setting boundaries, standing up for herself, and finding her own strength. I know that 6 seems really little, but she is old enough to start working on these skills -- she'll need them her whole life.