do you allow your child to sleep in your room after a nightmare? - Page 2

[indigosky]

Originally Posted by Mummoth 

Does she have a sibling that she could sleep with? My big kids shared a room when they were little and sometimes when one of them had a nightmare, they'd crawl in with the other one. I have at times let them use one of my pillows for the night.

Yeah, she shares a room with her 1 year old little sister who's still in a crib. The big sister was THRILLED when the baby moved out of our bed and into her room. But I think the baby isn't old enough to be much comfort yet. Although it does mean that I'm in their room to nurse at least a couple times most nights. That's what ended up helping her fall asleep most recently: the little one woke up so I sat in their room and nursed while the big one fell back to sleep.

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by indigosky 


Yeah, she shares a room with her 1 year old little sister who's still in a crib. The big sister was THRILLED when the baby moved out of our bed and into her room. But I think the baby isn't old enough to be much comfort yet. Although it does mean that I'm in their room to nurse at least a couple times most nights. That's what ended up helping her fall asleep most recently: the little one woke up so I sat in their room and nursed while the big one fell back to sleep.

My 2.5 year old and 4.5 year old sleep together. They have a bunk bed but they hate being apart so both mattresses are on the floor next to one another and they sleep in a pile like puppies.

It makes my heart soar. I'm so glad I got to have more than one child so that I can watch what a nice sibling relationship looks like. :)

[~Nikki~]

My seven year old son is allowed in our bed after a nightmare.  But he'll get out of bed on his own, tell us he had a nightmare, hop into for a cuddle, and 9 times out of 10 will get up and go back to his own bed once he feels comforted.  I have no idea how long he's in our bed for (as I fall back to sleep right away).  Maybe a couple of hours?  This happens, at most, a handful of times a year.

When I was a kid, I found that when my parents said no to letting me in their room, I wanted even MORE to be in there.  I NEEDED the comfort.  I really really hated the feeling, and remember vividly the feelings of being abandoned to deal with the terror alone.  It was a really crummy feeling.  And I have no idea if that's typical, or if it just stemmed from my anxiety (or maybe it caused the anxiety issues I have, to this day, lol).  But I vowed to have an "open bed" policy with my own kids, so that they'd always feel they could come to me for comfort.  It's worked well for us.  They RARELY come into the bed, so I don't mind at all the odd time that they need to.

Now, if you have issues with having them in the bed for whatever reason (bed too small, worried about waking them, etc), I'd say that taking a few minutes to go lay in THEIR bed and comfort them might work just as well.  It's all about feeling safe and protected, after a bad dream.  I lay with my oldest sometimes, because she's notoriously horrible to have in our bed.  She never asks, anymore.  But I think that if she did, I'd go comfort her in her own bed, because she just really sucks to sleep with, haha.

[Silverring]

The hardest part for me was that I wasn't allowed into my parents' room at all but my brother was allowed to come in during the night if he woke up.

My kids sleep in bunks too and I love it if I come in and they've put their covers on the floor and are snuggled up together!

[contactmaya]

My  kids dont really have nightmares. It may be because we co sleep. my 7yo had a nightmare once, but it was a long time ago...

[LiLStar]

One time when dd was about 3, she came to our room because she said there was a fox in her closet. We sent her back to bed. She still talks about it only now that she's older she can better articulate how scared she was. So, I pretty much feel like scum for not letting her stay in our bed.

Sent from my SPH-D700 using Tapatalk 2

[beanma]

My kids are 9 and 11 and are allowed in our bed whenever they want except not usually to start the night. (Sometimes they are then if it's a special circumstance like being sick, etc). In general, my kids' (and I think this is true for many if not most kids) anxiety is worse if I set arbitrary rules around when they can come in our room/bed. If we are relaxed about it, they can relax and then they fall asleep and stay in their own beds. If they wake in the middle of the night it's no big deal for them to come cuddle with us. That seems a very "natural family living" thing to do.

We still snuggle them to sleep in their bed(s) each night too. They each have their own bed, but sleep together. For awhile they were in dd1's, but for a longer time now they've been in dd2's.

[Silverring]

The only times I remember breaking the rule and going into my parents' bedroom was when I told them I heard a cat fall down my chimney (there was a boarded up fireplace in my room.)  I got told to get out and I sat all night listening to it scrabbling around in there and crying.

Eventually, in the morning, they believed me because they could hear it too.  It was a magpie.

The other time was when I hurt my neck somehow in my sleep and I couldn't move it.  I was told to go wash my face but I couldn't lift my hands up to my face and again I just lay in pain until someone eventually believed me.  I had to wear a neck brace afterwards.

[Sharlla]

Ive actually never had that happen.  i wouldnt let the boys stay in my room.  DD still sleeps with us most of the time but if she was over 4 and in her own room i would help her back to bed. i wouldnt want to make a habit of coming into my room every night.  we sleep with our door locked anyway
 

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by Silverring 

The only times I remember breaking the rule and going into my parents' bedroom was when I told them I heard a cat fall down my chimney (there was a boarded up fireplace in my room.)  I got told to get out and I sat all night listening to it scrabbling around in there and crying.

Eventually, in the morning, they believed me because they could hear it too.  It was a magpie.

The other time was when I hurt my neck somehow in my sleep and I couldn't move it.  I was told to go wash my face but I couldn't lift my hands up to my face and again I just lay in pain until someone eventually believed me.  I had to wear a neck brace afterwards.

Oh wow, you must have been terrorized! I once saw an animal in the hallway when I had gone to the bathroom in the night and woke my parents up. My dad was pretty P.O.ed but my mom at least said that it was probably just the neighbour girl's cat looking for her because she was on vacation. I was still a little scared going back to bed, and I was probably 12 or 13 when that happened.

[Subhuti]

We have a family bedroom (each person has their own bed on the floor in our giant open attic). My 6 and 8 year old know they can jump into my bed when they are scared. To me, it is a very fundamental thing I can offer. It doesn't happen much but I feel glad to give it. I do usually send them back to their own beds because I am a light sleeper and besides, I am literally in the room anyway.

[crunchy_mommy]

We have a family bed so I'm not really speaking from experience but after reading your updates, I think this may be your answer:

Originally Posted by indigosky 

Although it does mean that I'm in their room to nurse at least a couple times most nights. That's what ended up helping her fall asleep most recently: the little one woke up so I sat in their room and nursed while the big one fell back to sleep.

You could treat it the same way you treat nursing the baby. You go in there, stay as long as she needs you, stay until she falls asleep, maybe you fall asleep too while you're in there. You can still creep out after she's asleep if you need to work, you can maintain your bedroom boundaries, but you're there for her to help her back to sleep for as long as she needs you. Maybe move an extra mattress into their room so you can be more comfortable & finish out the night in their room if you want to or she needs you to. I don't think she needs to be in YOUR bed or bedroom for you to provide that comfort, it's simply that many of us find it easier to just have the kid come in your room instead of vice versa. I used to WAH so I know the unique struggles that may bring... and I also used to have horrible nightmares/night fears and spent almost every night on my parents' floor, so I know how much that extra security may be needed!

[mamazee]

The younger one is just starting to transition to her own room, so she ends up with us most nights anyway at some point or another. The older one does come in sometimes when she's had a nightmare, but it's very rare - maybe once a year or something. She's 10. I think it's important that she know the option exists. My husband says that she's big enough we don't all fit though so he moves into the guest room if she moves in. We play musical beds. But it's probably not even once a year and if she comes in it's a pretty serious nightmare, so we work with it.

I remember having horrible nightmares a couple of times and begging to sleep at least on the floor in my parents' room because they were so bad, and being yelled at, and then falling asleep on the floor in the hall next to their doorand getting in trouble for that when the woke up in the morning. I don't want my kids to feel that.

[Subhuti]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

The younger one is just starting to transition to her own room, so she ends up with us most nights anyway at some point or another. The older one does come in sometimes when she's had a nightmare, but it's very rare - maybe once a year or something. She's 10. I think it's important that she know the option exists. My husband says that she's big enough we don't all fit though so he moves into the guest room if she moves in. We play musical beds. But it's probably not even once a year and if she comes in it's a pretty serious nightmare, so we work with it.
I remember having horrible nightmares a couple of times and begging to sleep at least on the floor in my parents' room because they were so bad, and being yelled at, and then falling asleep on the floor in the hall next to their doorand getting in trouble for that when the woke up in the morning. I don't want my kids to feel that.

Yup, my parents made me sleep in the hall outside their closed door. WTF?? I would have night terrors and scary hallucinations and be stuck out on a freezing hallway with just a scratchy thing rug to sleep on. Pretty terrible. I can't imagine doing that to my kids!

[missythemom3]

I let my kids sleep with me any time they want to, which includes after a nightmare. I remember being sent back to my room as a kid and the feeling I had was not pleasant because I was not only still scared but my parent weren't "there" for me when I needed them.
 

[MichelleZB]

I was either brought into my parents' bed when I had a nightmare, or (more likely) my mom would come and sleep with me in my bed until I was back asleep. My mother "saving" me from nightmares is still some of my best childhood memories of her.

[*bejeweled*]

I absolutely let my DD (age 10) sleep with me whenever she is scared and lots of other times too. I still get angry when I think of being left alone with my nightmares as a child.

[*bejeweled*]

This is horrible Silverring. I too wasn't allowed in my parents' room, but my brother was. Sucks.

Originally Posted by Silverring 

The only times I remember breaking the rule and going into my parents' bedroom was when I told them I heard a cat fall down my chimney (there was a boarded up fireplace in my room.)  I got told to get out and I sat all night listening to it scrabbling around in there and crying.

Eventually, in the morning, they believed me because they could hear it too.  It was a magpie.

The other time was when I hurt my neck somehow in my sleep and I couldn't move it.  I was told to go wash my face but I couldn't lift my hands up to my face and again I just lay in pain until someone eventually believed me.  I had to wear a neck brace afterwards.

[inkslinger]

My kids can come to bed with us whenever they want. They're 6 and 8 (the 11 month old doesn't enjoy co-sleeping, so she sleeps in her crib). My 6yo still comes in a few times per month, 8yo less often. I wouldn't turn them away if they were having a nightmare :(

[Red Pajama]

I would, but I understand why the situation is difficult with your workspace in the same room.  Does this usually happen after you've already gone to bed, or while you're still up working?

We weren't dealing with nightmares, but we had a pallet on the floor for one of my twins who really wanted to be near me at night. He started there, I removed him when I went to bed, and he woke and returned at some point late in the night.   So starting one place and ending in another is a viable option. You might just need to say it explicitly to your child.

About a week ago, I woke up with someone wormed up to me. I clearly sleep deeper than I used to, because it was a surprise to me and didn't know which kid it was. Turned out it was one of the 7 year olds, the one who hasn't slept in my bed since about 18 months. When I asked later what brought him to my bed, he said he'd had a bad dream.