A Saner TTC: The Long Nights' Moon

[Xerxella]

Hello all and welcome!

The original "Sane 2ww" thread was started by zenquaker. This is a continuation of the "Sane 2ww" thread and we felt "A Saner TTC" was a natural evolution. We will start a new thread each new moon and name it for the upcoming full moon.

Here's the gist of the original thread: this is a space to re-conceive the 2ww as a time of waiting and contemplation. Although we don't judge those who wish to poas frequently, symptom-spot, or do chart analysis, this a space set apart from that activity. We share our thoughts about other ways to approach the 2ww and all parts of our cycles. We encourage each other to feel our feelings fully and to greet all possible outcomes with openness.

We hope you'll join us!

[Xerxella]

New thread!!!

Well, I've been keeping quiet on the topic of DHs. I know this is a touchy topic. I have to say that, while, of course, conceiving a child is a joint decision, in the end, it is the woman's choice. It's your body and your life and, let's face it, you're the one going to do much of the child rearing. So, IMO, the woman has final say in the decision to conceive a child or not. (Surprisingly, it was my DH who told me this during our pre-marriage talks. After thinking about it, it makes a lot of sense. Luckily, he wants another baby as much as I do.)

Now, of course, marriage never works well when one person says it's my way or the highway. Marriage is a joint venture. But, I would suggest you embrace your power as a woman and the bringer of life. If you come from a position of power, you have a stronger bargaining position. Embrace that strength.

(I hope I worded that all well.)

AFM - The doc's office left me hanging. I went for the test, but they don't have the results yet. Hopefully tomorrow.
Edited by Xerxella - 12/12/12 at 8:53pm

[John16n33]

Xerxella-  Thanks for the new thread!  I hope you get good news from the doctors office tomorrow!

AFM-  I am trying to keep my mind on anything and everything but TTC this cycle, I am on cd3 and instead of praying that AF goes away soon so I can DTD I am trying to keep myself busy by creating. I am making chalkboard organizer for the kitchen, a chalkboard for the playroom, sanding down and repainting a bookshelf for the playroom, and I have a bench to stain and finish.  I hope to do all of those within the next two week and then I have a few other projects planned for next month.  I figure the more I keep myself busy the less time I have to obsess lol.

[dakipode]

Xerxella: thanks for the new thread! Long nights are good for TTC! I hope you get some news soon from the doctor's office

John16n33: I completely agree that keeping busy is the best way to keep your mind occupied with something other than TTC

JustJenny: how was your appointment?

AFM: got my bloodwork done again today, hcg 4! I pretty much knew this morning I was "back to normal" because of my temps and that confirms it. In this whole journey I've learned so much about my body and I thank my lucky stars that I found the TCOYF book when I did. I feel so much more confident about knowing where I am in my cycle and today's test results were a nice confirmation of that.

[prescottchels]

I'd love to join in here  kinda having a little meltdown in the moment...i'm over tired and apparently emotions are running high lol It's been an intense few days. Really good, but intense...

A little about me. I'm 35 and in my 1st cycle TTC w/a new special someone who wants to be a daddy as much as I want to be a mama, which is so amazing. I feel so blessed. Neither of us has had any children, yet (he's 39) and we came to an interesting arrangement...deciding to be friends that have a baby. We've only been seeing each other for 2 or 3 weeks, and we messaged online for a week or 2? before we met in person. So it's been a bit of a whirlwind experience getting to know each other, realizing how much we have in common, how many parallel experiences we've had in our lives, how much we're both on the same page when it comes to our values, how we live and how we'd like to raise a child, and subsequently realizing that we probably want to be more than just friends, but putting the focus on having a child as top priority before it gets to be too late for me. Sooooo we've been DTD quite a bit the past several days and we both feel like conception occurred today. I think it's day 11 or 12 in my cycle. I charted for a few years, but haven't in a long while, and my O day never seemed to happen on a regular day in my cycle-varying between day 9 and 14, which is a pretty huge window. So anyway, I think we're going to keep trying the rest of the week, just to cover our bases and I'm trying not to obsess over what I feel/intuit already...it's really hard...trying not to get overly excited and impatient too, which is not a strong suit of mine especially for something I've wanted for sooooo long that might really be here and now I get to wait some more to find out for sure, longer than 2 weeks since it's a few days early and my period won't be late til after day 30 comes and goes. ugh. And I kinda miss that he's not here, even though I need the space to integrate and recharge. We're both introverts that appreciate each other's need for pretty big chunks of solo time. I'm not big on the whole POAS thing, but I've already started pondering whether the timing would be right to test and know for Christmas. Having a pos test would be the best Christmas present, ever. For both of us. 

Ok, anyways...gonna go tuck myself in now. It's long past bedtime for someone who didn't sleep much last night 

[Xerxella]

Welcome presscottchels!!!!! I hope you're intuition is right! Good luck in your baby making (definitely keep trying over the next few days!) And, good luck in your new relationship!

dakipode - Yeah for HCG being back down to the technical negative level! That's a nice recovery.

AFM - I guess my phone was holding out on me because it only notified me now that the doc's office had called and left a message. HCG 103 (For a review it was 65 a week ago and of course, should now be closer to 1000.) So, it's a confirmed loss. I'm ok. I really felt this was a loss from the start, so I've not gotten my hopes up too high. Like DH and I were talking about, it's like buying a lottery ticket. You really don't think you're going to win. You "know" you're not going to win, but sometimes you still let yourself dream. But, at the same time, you're not REALLY disappointed when you don't win. It's more like a deep sigh and then you go back to work.

[LilyKay]

Hello everyone!

Xerxella, thanks for the new thread! You know when you said marriage is a joint venture you reminded me of my dad and his view on marriage and how dead-set against it I was. We come from a different culture and his view was that marriage should be view like a work contract (so unromantic!). Of course there is love/passion but he used to tell me that you have to be clear about roles and responsibilities. I never really understood until lately (after 9 years with DP and a baby) that yes it is really a contract where most terms are unspoken. We were having a lot of problems and in the end I told him let's view this as a work contract, a business that is just the two of us. This opened a lot of talk about expectations and responsibilities on every topic (finances, housework, social, childcare...).  And just like a business, neither party has a veto power over big decisions, and I agree with you that the decision in the end comes to the one who will bear the brunt of the work (in the case of children, the woman).

That was a bit long-winded...

John16n33 We're lucky it is Christmas season, so much going on. I'm just dreading the cold and darkness of Jan/Feb .

dakipode, I always wondered why don't they teach this fertility awareness to all women. It is an incredible way to know your body and it's rhythm, not just for fertility reasons, but also health and understanding what is going on with your body.

AFM - 8 DPO and I'm feeling fine even though my gut feeling is that it's not happening this cycle. Right now I'm keeping myself distracted with the various Christmas events going on, and watching back-to-back episodes of Shameless (US version). William H. Macy is the perfect drunk!

[oasis84]

Welcome prescott! Best of luck -- I really admire your willingness to jump right in with your new partner. For some women, deciding to ttc is a lengthy process and one only taken on after much consideration and thought is given to timing, logistics, etc. For others, it's a decision they arrive at quickly once they meet the right person and for others still it's totally accidental. I love the fact that there are many different ways to arrive at the same place and regardless of which way we took to get here, we all have something very significant in common.

Xerxella I'm really sorry to hear that. You've got a great attitude, though, and I hope your DH and LOs are keeping you busy enough not to get too down... As a side note, I used to live in Chicago and absolutely loved it! Especially this time of year. This is the first Christmas we've spent in the Middle East so I think I'm feeling a little nostalgic for all the lights and the decorations :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyKay 

dakipode, I always wondered why don't they teach this fertility awareness to all women. It is an incredible way to know your body and it's rhythm, not just for fertility reasons, but also health and understanding what is going on with your body.

Totally agree. Would have been nice to fall pregnant the first month of trying, but in some ways I'm glad I didn't as it's allowed me the opportunity to understand myself and my body in ways I never thought I could. The education I've given myself over these last few months has truly opened my eyes to how the female (and male!) body works. Charting resolved a lot of anxieties for me and made me feel a bit more in control. I only wish I would have started sooner!

[dakipode]

prescott: welcome! I wish you good luck in your new venture. There seems to be a theme here lately with all this talk about relationships and expectations.

I totally get you, LilyKay, when you talk about the business side of marriage. Ultimately it's an agreement and you have to be clear on what you agree on! It's not the romantic, sweep you off your feet every day kind of scenario that we are taught to believe in. And then the fallacy that if only you believe hard enough things will work out...

Xerxella: I'm sorry that things aren't working out for you. I wish you a speedy recovery.

BTW: we started watching MI-5 and we're completely hooked! Only 82 more episodes to catch up on!

[John16n33]

prescott:  Welcome and good luck on your TTC journey!

Xerxella:  I'm so sorry about your results.  I pray that you have a fast recovery and that the next bean is a sticky one.

AFM:  Of course when I am trying to keep my mind off of getting pregnant EVERYONE around me announces their pregnancy's or gives birth.  Two days ago one of my good friends gave birth (to a sweet and beautiful little girl) and yesterday two of my friends announced they are expecting.  I kind of wanted to throw my coffee cup at my laptop.

[prescottchels]

Thanks for all the welcomes!!

John16 I love the sound of all those projects!! They sound like things I would do. In fact I've got a bamboo floor to finish laying. Perhaps that should be my TWW project ;-) 

I looked at the calendar today and Christmas will be just a couple days too early to test. Probably better that way...I told DP today that we should know for sure by Jan 1, and he was all like, so what's a few more days? lol Despite his high level of sensitivity and awareness, he's still such a guy, which made me realize how much is going on w/in my body physically and energetically, and well, emotionally too that he has no clue about that he'd probably appreciate knowing. He's way more vocal about how he's feeling and what's going on for him than I am, so it makes me realize I can share too and that he'll be totally into it, whatever it is. It's so flippin amazing.

[LilyKay]

Xerxella, so sorry about the results (I missed your post yesterday). You and DH are being amazingly strong about this! Hopefully the recovery is swift

Prescott, welcome ! It's so cool how you and DP are upbeat about this , best of luck!

John16n33, tell me about! I was also relaxed a couple of months ago and all like, we're not using anything, it'll happen when it happens. But then two friends announced they're pregnant and we all already have kids the same age. All of a sudden I started wanting it to happen and the impatience took a spike upwards. The first pregnancy I knew no one who was pregnant and I was pretty much the first one in our circle of friends. So I'm looking forward to having some company this time around, you know, someone to go to pregnancy yoga or swimming classes with, or talk about all the weird things going on that they don't tell you in pregnancy books.

AFM - 9 DPO, I had a clear dip and rise in temps around 7 DPO. Add to that a package of 10 tests arrived yesterday. DP saw it and his eyes popped out when I said they're all pregnancy tests. "Are you stocking up for future kids or something?"    He only wants two and I kind of want 3 but that's way way ahead in the future. So now I have to keep it together for the next few days and not give in to the urge to pee in a cup. And not google "X DPO too early to test" every morning. Today will be good though, it's my last day of work before the holidays and after DD's nap we'll be going to buy a Christmas tree

[Xerxella]

lilykay - Don't ask me, I'm a horrible early tester. But, overall, on a sensitive test you should get a positive by 12 dpo if you're pregnant with a sticky one. Here's the study on it: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199906103402304 (Yes, yes, there's always exceptions. SOMEone wins the lottery, but it's not going to be you.)

prescott - It sounds like you have a keeper there! Good luck. New years sounds like a perfect time to find out.

dakipode - What's MI5?

john and oasis -

[LilyKay]

Instead of working, I've spent the last half our googling "implantation dip" and "10 DPO too early to test".   I don't even feel pregnant, I'm actually feeling energetic, in a good mood and have no symptoms what so ever other than the weird temp dip at 6 DPO and a strong spike this morning. . So the plan is to call DP on the way home and ask him to hide tests until Monday (that'll be 12 DPO).

ETA: Xerxella, thanks for the article. Just read it thoroughly and I previously did not know that on which day implantation happens matters. But since we're on the "Sane" thread, I will not think about it.

On a side note: anyone else spending a lot of time trying to find the perfect smiley?!

Edited by LilyKay - 12/14/12 at 3:13am

[dahlia810]

Lilykay- I'm glad I'm not the only one who peruses the internet for pregnancy type info instead of working!! lol!

[dahlia810]

OH and I forgot to say, I searched and searched for the perfect smiley for my last comment, but couldnt' find one!

[JustJenny]

 Prescottchels- congrats on your new relationship. Dp sounds like a sweetie. Hope you get a bfp soon!

dakipode- glad to hear your numbers are way down and your continuing to move forward in the healing process.

AFM- I had my first RE appointment on Tues and it went very well. The doc is a very positive type of guy and was very thorough. During my ultrasound everything looked very healthy. I have a HSG and post coital scheduled for this coming tues.  Dh's SA was kinda ok. I didn't talk to the nurse so I didn't get the numbers but she said he has lots and lots of sperm. Double the amount that they typically see but only 44% motility. She stated however that because of the high quantity the motility shouldn't be an issue. I get the theory but it still didn't sit quite right with me. I guess we'll see what's up with the hsg. It will be right at my ovulation time so I'm pretty sure we will be out this month. Oh well.  we need to get all this stuff done :) So I'm still feeling very positive and looking forward to getting the testing completed. I also have a prescription for clomid that I will start next cycle. We'll do a couple of those then progress to IUI if things don't work out. 

[dakipode]

prescott: I agree with the ladies, your DP sounds like a solid guy! Best of luck this cycle.

LilyKay: I bought a batch of 50 HPTs a while back and in retrospect: what was I thinking? I have no idea why I would ever need so many of them, I try to refrain from early testing. Oh well, maybe in the world of magical thinking they'll bring me luck since I won't need them all, right?

Xerxella: maybe I'm confusing this thread for another one, I thought we were talking about British TV shows a while back and I remembered someone mentioning MI-5 so I told DH about it and we checked it out and now we watch at least one a night! It's about the British intelligence service and it's really a great drama, they're not afraid of unhappy endings...

How are you holding up otherwise?

JustJenny: glad to hear the appointment went well. Sounds like you're taking the same route as I did: Clomid first then IUI if necessary. For the record: I did get pregnant on the first Clomid cycle. I do wish you much better luck though! And regarding the hsg on Tuesday: it might just "flush out" the tubes right in time for O, clearing the path for DH's swimmers...

Everyone else:

AFM: feeling fairly zen about TTC since I've made the mental shift to NTNP, weird how that changes your perspective. Feeling pretty zen about Christmas too though I may ask DH to accompany me to the mall this weekend, I expect that to be total madness. Mostly I'm just ready to get 2012 over with, I'll probably get more excited/agitated again as soon as January 1st rolls around.

Oh, and we're probably getting another cat once we get back from visiting the in-laws so that's another reason why I look forward to the new year!

[Lidamama84]

I was going to watch MI5 last night, but then I decided that I was too mentally tired to deal with a drama, so I started watching Upstairs Downstairs, the first season of which they FINALLY added to our Netflix! Loved it!!!

[SparkleMaman]

Dakipode You are not confusing anything. I had mentioned MI5 and Upstairs Downstairs a while back, they had become my stand ins as I've been waiting for the new season of Downton Abbey. Now I just love them both in their own right! I love British TV shows and wrote about my love of PBS and the array of British TV available on Netflix. Lidamama mentioned the Canadian version of Netflix has much less in the way of selection. So glad you both enjoyed them too I find them both to be not so guilty pleasures.

Thinking of you all and sending your way!