*~*~*~*Spotlight on babytoes!!*~*~*~*
I this may be the easiest question for me to answer. To be perfectly honest, I am looking forward to everything that's currently unknown to me. People say "Oh girls are sooo hard!" and "You should be happy you have only boys!", But this little girl has been wanted for the past 12 years! I want to experience the craziness, and the mood swings, just like I want to have a daughter to shop with and to buy dolls for. I am so excited to start this party!
As for names, we finally have a short list. It contains four names that we both agree on, although middle names have been tossed around, nothing has really stuck. I am sort of smitten with Liliana Renee, but it totally depends on what we feel when she is born, we both very much want to see her before making a final decision.
I want to give a very small amount of back story. Just so that more of this all makes sense. When I went though my divorce 5 years ago, it was by far, the most liberating thing I had ever done. I finally felt free, and that fall I enrolled back in college. After attending college full time in my home town for a year, I came to the realization (with the help of friends and family) that I needed to move to another city and go to a college that offered a degree in a field that I felt was my "bliss", graphic design. Along with needing to move, was the most difficult thing I had ever done, I had to allow their father to take my two younger boys full time, and only see them on the weekends. The possibility of keeping with me while attending school full time and working part time was impossible. Rent for only a single room was $600 a month, and to rent an entire apartment was well over $1000. I made the sacrifice, knowing full well that they were in excellent hands, even though my ex and I were like water and oil, the love that man has for his boys is beyond words. I knew he would take very good care of them, and that was the only saving grace to get me through. There is nothing quite as difficult as going from a full time mom to part time, it was very painful, but I knew if I wanted to be able to provide for them I needed a job better than waitressing.
When I moved to Burlington, I had a very strict focus; school, work and see my boys on the weekends. That was all I consumed my life with, I also had absolutely no desire to get into a relationship, or to find a boyfriend. I enjoyed being on my own, and I enjoyed not having anyone to answer to. Being single was truly bliss for me! I was working at a small family owned Mexican restaurant, and it was very slow one night, I think I may have had 6-7 tables all night and I was excited to be able to go home early since I was one of the first ones to be able to leave. Then the hostess sat me a two top... Needless to say I grumbled very loudly over her doing that! I wanted to go home! I went to the table to give them chips and get a drink order, and was immediately struck by this man sitting in my section, he was very cute, dressed nice, and was out on a date with his mom! How cool is that? I didn't really flirt with him, because his mom was with him, I felt a bit awkward doing that, but I gave him googly eyes whenever possible!
After they left, I was cleaning up the table and grabbed the credit card book to put through the tip, and not only did he leave me a 50% tip, but he also wrote next to his name "FB me"... I was over the moon with excitement! I showed all the other girls, and we all giggled and acted like teenagers discussing the future possibilities. I went home that night and looked him up on Facebook, sent a friend request and two weeks later we went on our first date. I was smitten with him from the start, and we have been crazy in love ever since!
Why do we work? Because of him, really, he makes it so easy. He is very laid back, nothing bothers him and he knows how to communicate with me. I am a little more high maintenance than he is, but he does very well with it. He just goes with the flow on all accounts. In the three years we have been together we have never gotten into a huge fight (polar opposite from my marriage were we would fight so loud and so crazy every day!). We talk about everything, and discuss things as they come up. But he is the captain of this ship, and I very gladly handed those rains over to him, I love not being in charge of everything any more. I do not think about bills, or money, and its a huge relief for me. I take care of our house and of all the cooking and cleaning, and he takes care of the rest. Its perfect for me and I have never felt better about were I am in my life. Although, I do wish I was working, but that will come later, once our little bean is older.
My boys love Jason to bits! I still only have them on the weekends and for all holidays, that hasn't changed yet because I would have to fight in the courts to get them back. They are honor students in school (both of them), and thriving very well with their father, so no judge will just snatch them away simply because I wanted them back. But, in the state of Vermont children have a say as to what parent they live with at the age of 14, so that is my foothold. Gavin will be old enough to come live with us in a year and a half, and their father would never split them up, so Peyton would automatically come too. It is very hard, and I think the worst part is I do all of the driving. Every Friday I am on the road for 5 hours, 2.5 to get to them and then the 2.5 to get back home. I leave at 1pm on Friday afternoon to get to their school by 3:15 and pick them up, and we usually pull into our driveway around 5:30-6. Its very long, and being almost 29 weeks pregnant doesn't help. Unfortunately my a**hole ex will not pick up the slack. He always says the same thing "You're the one that decided to move so far away," and "You decided to get pregnant."... Ugh!! Although I know his excuses would never hold up in court, I feels like more of a pain to take him to court than to just get in the car and go get them, kwim?
But back to Jason and the boys! They get along superbly! Jason has taken to them like fish to water, and their relationship is a flourishing one. I am grateful every day for him, he is beyond my wildest dreams. If I got started, I could gush all day about him, how he is so caring, loving, and well natured, to me and to my children...
I am very much of a girly-girl! Haha... People are shocked by how "secretly" crunchy I am because I wear lots of makeup, dresses and high heels! I love doing my hair, and getting all "gussied' up for even just lunch dates, I find it fun. Interestingly enough, I was not like this at all when growing up. My mother would have to drag me, kicking and screaming, out of the horse barn to get dressed for church or to go to dinner with my grandparents. I despised getting dressed up and avoided it at all costs! I also loved working on cars with my dad, he's built cars from ground up and also fixes anything and everything. I would get all greasy with him, it was one of my favorite things to do, so much so, when I was 20 I completely tore apart the engine in my Mustang 5.0, and with his help I rebuilt the whole thing, it was such a great experience! I still work on the cars with him, just last month I helped him change the wheel bearing in my car, although because I am pregnant he does most of the work, but don't think for second it would bother him in the least to tell me to climb under the car to unbolt something!
So, yeah, I am a girly-girl, but I'm also a gear head! I can get dirty with the best of them... I just know how to clean up better!
I normally wear jeans or skirts, with nice tops. I consider my style to be casual most times, but with a flair. Jeans and a simple top? I'm tossing on heels with that! I get a lot of my clothes from places like American Eagle, Urban Outfitters, and Free People.
I love the way "crunchy" people think. About chemicals and allowing our bodies to heal themselves, I feel very strongly about foods, vaccines, and breastfeeding into toddler hood. I just don't wear Birkenstock while standing on my soap box! haha!
Jason has no children, except the one I am currently growing! It's very interesting how well he took to being a good positive roll model for my sons, I believe that he was made for fathering, like his own father, he is very loving and family oriented.
It's strange how life takes twist and turns for the better, even if we don't realize it until later. I was planning on getting my tubes tied before I moved to Burlington 4 years ago. I made an appointment and everything, after all, I had three boys and I was all done having babies! An hour before my appointment, the OB's office called to inform me the doctor had to cancel because he had an emergency with another patient. I never rescheduled due to school starting and the travel between my home town (were the OB was located) and Burlington.
But what a blessing!! Although when Jason and I first started dating, I still felt very strongly about not having any more kids, after a year or so and falling madly in love with him, I knew there was nothing I wanted to do more than give him the joy and fulfillment of having his own child. Now, I cannot imagine our lives with out this baby, already!
Editing to finish this!! opps... preggo brain.
I am finished with school, we planned the pregnancy around my graduation and I got my IUD out in the last week of April. Once baby is about a year I would like to pursue graphic design, which is my degree. I have the plan of working for a firm for a few years and then going out on my own and freelancing. I am lucky that have this option with Jasons job being able to cover the bills.
Edited by babytoes - 12/13/12 at 11:05am
I cannot believe he's 20 either!! I'm not sure when he got so old! I still feel 25, and I guess that's all the matters, right?
Oh boy! My first born.... He is my challenge. Nick is doing okay, he is a bit lost in this big world of ours, but he is slowly coming around. When I moved to Burlington he decided to stay with my parents. Being that I had him when I was 17 my parents have always had a huge roll in his upbringing and my father has been his father figure (his real father is not in the picture at all, they've never met). He then went down a hard a path, became friends with people we would rather he not associate with, and started smoking pot, and living in the World of Warcraft, all the while not working and not looking. We had talked to him for months and finally the proverbial shit hit the fan and my mom finally (it was far over due.) kicked him out. He moved from girlfriend to girlfriend, but he did finally find a job and a stable place to live. It was very hard, but sometimes tough love is the only way to get a point across. Besides he had just turned 20 when it all happened, and I felt very strongly that he needed to be pushed in to adulthood because he was not getting there on his own. A week ago he showed up back at my moms, and said he had a fight with his friend/roommate and wanted to move back in. She said okay, under the rule that he absolutely had to find another job, since he left the one he had to go back to my parents house. He has been pursuing jobs all week, so that's a bonus!
I think honestly the only thing I would love to have is our house. I have never owned a house, and even though we are working to save up and buy land (my dad is a builder, and he wants so badly to build a house for me!), it still feels far away. Jason has goals of finding land by next summer and having our house done by the babys first birthday. But obviously it all comes down to land availability and cost, so if that was no factor, than we would have our house built by now. And how lovely would that be!? I think that would be the only thing I feel is missing. Other than having the option to travel and go on family trips... I feel pretty full filled.
We are looking for land that is about 45 minutes closer to were the boys live with their dad, but that is about as far as we can go with out it becoming a long commute for Jason. But in the larger picture, as soon as we have a house, it will be pretty easy for us to get the boys with us full time. we will have the much more stable environment (their father is in his 3rd serious relationship, meaning the 3rd girl to move in with them all). I love her, but I have liked all of his girlfriends, and have secretly hoped they will change him somehow... But I doubt he will ever change, he has no idea how to treat a woman, and some men never learn! His first serious relationship was with the sweetest girl who was 12 years younger than him, I felt bad for her because I knew she wasn't being treated right. She ended up leaving him while he was work, she packed up her stuff and ran when he couldn't stop her, interesting because that's what I had to do too. Poor guy, if he would only stop and figure out that he cannot control everyone all the time... sigh
Wow, what a hard choice to have to make to move away from your kids! How much longer do you have until you graduate?
Jason sounds like a great guy!
Is your oldest son living on his own? Is he still in your old home town? How often do you see him?
Thanks for sharing your story!~
It was the most difficult thing I have ever done... Usually by Wednesday I miss them so much, but I know that everything will work out okay. Their father, although a total turd, loves them with every fiber of his being. I actually feel bad for him when they come to live with us full time, I'm not sure he will handle it very well, as he has allowed his world to revolve around them. But when the time comes, I am taking my boys back!
I wish that I saw Nick more, I saw him during Thanksgiving, and I will see him at Christmas. He and I have a tough relationship, I feel like he's not doing enough to get ahead, and he feels I am too pushy on him and need to back off. This makes us end up growling at each other, mainly because we are so similar in personalities that we have terrible communication. We have had a lot of good times though, and I hope that once he gets his head on streight we will grow back together. It just makes me crazy that he is lazy and seems to do things backwards (like for instance, he bought a car before he had his license ). I know that he will figure it out, it's just hard to sit on the sidelines and watch.
We love to travel, and plan to do a lot of it once the baby is old enough to either take along or leave with one of the grandparents. We would like to take her to Disney when she's about 5 or so. We've already been to Disney, two years ago he was going with his mom (it's sort of a family thing for him, he's gone with his mom 6-7 times and with his dad just as many times! They love Disney!), and out of the blue she invited me to come along, she paid for my flight and everything! It was a lot of fun, we hung out with her during the day and did all the Disney day time things, and at night she went back to the resort and we did the night time Disney things. It was great and she was wonderful!
We've also been to Boston and NYC, but we would really like to reach further and our next biggy will be Japan, we are hoping to be able to go when the baby is 3 or 4... But we will see!
We also enjoy just being homebodies, we can easily sit for a whole day and have a LOTR Extended Edition marathon, or whatever else tickles our fancy at the moment (BTW... Hobbit this weekend!!!! YAY!!! So excited!!.... okay I feel better now! haha).
I LOVE Mexican food... but I also just love hot spices! I carry Cholula in my purse, I swear that's not a fabrication! I put spice in everything, and the hotter the better! My kids are amazing, because they have a very good tolerance of my heavy handedness in seasoning. They can pretty much handle it all, although DS2 is much stronger than DS3, and DS1 can handle anything I can. Jason is pretty good, I have nailed him a few times, unbeknownts to me! I have to let him taste my chili during the cooking process because I have gone over board before and didn't realize it ... Even when I have put to much spice in. He'll still eat it, I'll look at him and he's sweating and his eyes are watering and I'm like "Oh no babe! It's too hot! I'm sorry, I don't notice it at all... Opps!" and he'll gulp down another bite and say oh it's fine, it's yummy! Poor boy! But damn he's a good sport!
I wasn't always so crunchy. But I had the roots for it you could say. My father has been a vegetarian since the early 70's, long before it was "in". Myself and my siblings were raised veggies, but we all eat meat now. Also, my sister had 2 LO's when my first DS was born, and even though I was only 17 years old, she helped me to nurse him, and I ended up breastfeeding him until he was 16 months old! Quite a feat for a teenager, this also is why I find it difficult to listen to sooo many women say they can't breastfeed, I have always felt like if a 17 yr old could over come the bad latching (which DS1 had a horrendous latch! He would keep his tongue up against the roof of his mouth, it took a few weeks to get it right.), the sore and bleeding nipples, than anyone can! Although, I do realize you have to want it, not just try it.
But I think things really changed for me when I was pregnant with DS3, my cousin was visiting from Colorado (she was a NICU nurse at a major hospital.). She walked up to me, poked me in my belly and said "You're not going vaccinate that baby are you?". I was dumbfounded and didn't know how to respond, it had never occurred to me that vaccine were an option, I did them because I was told to. She gave me a few websites to look into, and she said all she wanted me to do was know the facts. This caused a snowball effect for me, I found mothering.com at this time, and became a member, I did research about vaccine until my fingers bled... I was blown away by my findings, and this was the catapult the also lead me to ask questions about the food we eat, and drink, and what other things we willingly and blindly put into our bodies (like the doctors who push pills) simply because we are told it's okay.
By the time DS3 was born, I had a stash of cloth diapers, a doctor that stood behind my no-vax ideas, and had very strong views on medication for my family as a whole, and owned two books about herbal remedies and supplements.