DD has been tentatively diagnosed with ASD, and we have gotten her (back) into behaviour therapy/psychiatrist. While her behaviour has improved greatly, she still has violent, angry outbursts, where she says she hates me, she doesn't want to live with me/us anymore, she only loves DS, she wishes I/we (DF and I) were dead, she wants to go live with grandma, she would behave for grandma, because grandma loves her, and I/we don't love her, and grandma gives her hugs, and kisses, and tells her she's special, and I/we never do, etc. (To clarify, she behaves *vastly* differently for my mom than she does for me/us. If you ask my mom, DD *rarely* says those things [above], but when she's with us, it's a daily, often hourly, occurrence. I just recently [today] put my resignation letter in to my employer, both for work-related issues, and because I think DD and DS would both benefit better with my being home. I was working from before she got home from school, until after she went to bed, so while I may not have given as many hugs/kisses to her as my mom [who watched her for about an hour before she went to school, and then again until I came home from work at 11 pm], I did give her as many as I could, always in the morning before I sent her to my mom's to catch the bus, go in and if I could get down to her bed, when I got home, when she climbed into bed with me later in the night, etc, maybe it wasn't enough, I don't know.) I'm pregnant with #3, due in April, and she even tries to hit/kick my stomach, and say she wishes the baby would die.
My sister (who has been diagnosed with autism as well, and has been a great wealth of information for me, as well as helping me to understand a little better), has told me that the things DD says are at least in part because of her autism, and frustration, and I try not to take it personally, but I was wondering if anyone who has dealt with similar could give me some advice, or suggestions on how to not only help her not feel so angry, or be able to cope better, and also how to not get so frustrated myself, and not take things so personally?
I try to be patient, but when a majority of what communication we have is how much she hates me, or how much she wants me dead, it really hurtful. She is a very sweet, caring, smart, wonderful (not-so!) little girl, but when she's mad and starts saying those things, it's like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde.
I really want to do what's best for her and us, I just not sure where to go.