I basically agree with this. It is the responsibility of someone to pay for or arrange disposal of the body, and that is going to cost something.
However, if either the person or the family wants something beyond basic, then it is the responsibility of the person who wants the elaborate service to provide it.
Ex: I will gladly pay for a basic service for my mom, but if she wants something beyond basic, she needs to ante up. Likewise, if my mom did not care about a fancy service, but I did, it would be my job to ante up for a fancy service
I agree. I'm happy to split the cost of a basic cremation and simple marker or whatever, but if Cousin John decides to go all out and spend thousands of dollars without checking with me, I don't see why I would be obligated to split the bill and then never be allowed to complain about it. Because death is involved you're just supposed to fork over whatever amount of money someone tells you to, and shut up about it?
If there's a clear discussion and everyone is on board with the specifics of the service and the associated cost, fine, but the situation in the OP kind of sounds like the woman was just told, "Your share of Grandpa's funeral costs comes to $1,000." How many people were splitting up the cost? If it was only 3 or 4, then it makes sense, but if it was closer to 10 then the organizers should have made sure everyone was on board before making expensive choices. The OP is unclear, so maybe that did happen, who knows. But just because a situation is sensitive (because it involves death) doesn't mean that people can't be annoyed if they feel financially taken advantage of. I wouldn't go into debt to upgrade Grandpa's casket, sorry.