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funeral costs and responsibility - Page 3

post #41 of 45

My big sister, ever the one to over-research and follow the rules, actually looked up state policy regarding spreading ashes when her MIL died.  At least in California you're supposed to get a permit. How many people are aware of this?? People scatter family ashes in the mountains and at sea all the time. My cousins scattered their mom's ashes up in the Sierra somewhere, I doubt they thought twice about it.  I would have liked to do something like that for my mom's remains. Instead we paid (don't know how much) to have her ashes permanently interred at my sister's church. Again, not in keeping with Mom's life philosophy. I'm pretty sure I won't be following that particular rule if  I find myself spread dh's ashes.


So why didn't we get a permit and scatter Mom's ashes in the mountains? Now I'm peeved at my sister.  eyesroll.gif  I'm the youngest. I should have spoken up more. Oh well, it was a tough time and I didn't want to rock the boat.



Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 View Post

For me, the idea of donating a family member's body to med school just skeeves me to no end.  I knew a couple of medical students and have friends that are doctors.  There wasn't much respect when they talked of their cadavers in med school, making rude comments and calling them coarse names.  Yes, their jokes and nicknames for the corpses were a way of dealing with the idea, but it still showed a lack of respect. 


I can understand the forensics idea, but I still couldn't do it.


This is probably why the hospice nurse (whom I otherwise liked very much and was so grateful for her guidance and medical expertise) talked my mom out of donating her body to the med school.  It's definitely uncomfortable to dwell on it.  But I had more problem with the thought of cremating my mom. So I tried really hard not to!


Originally Posted by Sarah W View Post
We did a floating/biodegradable urn and did a ceremony ourselves. 


How interesting!  Will have to look this up. 

post #42 of 45

We have a family plot in our small town cemetery.  Currently, it holds mil (cremated) and both of my parents (one buried, one cremated).  Fil will be cremated and be with mil in the same plot.  There are also plots for dh, ds and myself.  However, dh & I both wish cremation, so we'll be in the same plot, which leaves us with an extra.


Half of my Mom's ashes are buried (in an urn that ds chose) in the same plot as my Dad is interred.  The rest of her ashes are in a beautiful Egyptian urn (again, chosen by ds), on our living room bookcases.  A small bit of her ashes are also in some jewelry I have (a sterling puffy heart and another glass vial covered with sterling vines), which I love to wear.   

post #43 of 45
Originally Posted by Sarah W View Post

Prepaid funerals aren't always a good idea. If the home goes out of business, you've wasted your money.



that is true.


A cemetery plot and headstone, though, will be there for you when you need them. (if that is what you want)

post #44 of 45

My mother died in February in a state run nursing home that would accept her Medicare payment as their payment.  They were the only place we could find for her that would accept Medicare.  When she died, she had no bank account or resources, but before she closed it all out, she was able to pay for her cremation. She bought this through a company called Forethought.  I think she paid between $1000 and $1500, and it paid for the costs of transporting her body and her cremation and an urn.  We already had a burial plot that had been donated to her, so it didn't end up costing us a whole lot for her actual cremation and all that.


Of course we had to pay a lot of money to fly out for her funeral, and I flew out and spent the week next to her on her deathbed, and I had to rent a car and I paid for a hotel room for a little while.  We had the funeral at her church in another state, and that is basically all done with donations, and people gave us money, so I gave some to the deacons, to the pastor, organist, etc.  We had a beautiful service with hymns and a solo (which I sang myself, so that was free except I gave money to my accompanist who was different from the church provided accompanist).  And now there is the issue of her headstone, which I haven't even thought much about, although someone did give me $200 towards that, and he'll probably be wondering what I've done with it.


My mom had 7 children, 5 of them came to her funeral, a few of them gave money.  If my mom hadn't paid for her funeral costs up front, it would have fallen mostly to me & my husband to pay it with whatever donations we could get from others.  I wouldn't have considered asking the grandchildren to pay, although I would have written to all my brothers & sisters and ask them to contribute. My parents always believed in carrying life insurance, and felt like this was their responsibility.  My father's life insurance covered his funeral costs, which were more extensive because he had a coffin and was buried, although also in his case, the funeral plot was donated. My mother had life insurance for years, but that turned out to be a joke.  She paid on this insurance policy for years, and then they were increasing the premiums to a level she couldn't afford, and I realized that she had actually paid more into the policy than it was paying out.  At that point she had to cancel it.  She was worried about it, she felt like it was irresponsible of her as an adult not to be able to afford life insurance, and I think she wanted me to take over payments, but I really didn't think it would be worth it in the long run.  And she came into a little money from some payment for something or other from her job, which she had to quit when she was 80, and that was when she bought the forethought policy.

post #45 of 45

As a brief and encouraging aside, we were the recipients of what remained of a relative after he had been donated to science, per his request.  The process was pretty painless, he'd made all the arrangements prior to his death, the funeral home handled the "hand-off" and about a year later we were in possession of his cremated remains.  I would really urge people, barring beliefs about the afterlife requiring all of your body parts, to donate their organs to people in need of transplants and the remaining tissues to science.  The experience for your loved ones will not be gruesome. 

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