This is so much like my daughter. She's 11, she's always had a contrary nature. And like me. Though outwardly I'm "the nice girl", I also balk at even the hint of anyone implying that I need to be different or better than I am, or that they have something to teach me, and I will stubbornly push back. The difference between my daughter and me is that she's vocal about her displeasure and I'm quiet and can be passive-aggressive about it.
I recognize too that anti-social-looking attitude in your daughter. When I was younger no one was particularly interested in who I was, only disappointed that I wasn't what they found impressive. But then I would be expected to perform, was how I saw it, in social situations. I wouldn't -- I'm not sure I could have if I wanted to, it was so contrary to what I felt to be real. I just hated it. It was painful to be put on the spot, painful to have to interact in what I felt to be a superficial way. And sometimes, I just felt stymied as to how to respond. (I still do often, I've just developed tools that help me not seem rude or weird. Usually.) So, I became even less impressive in their eyes. The quiet, glum girl. And now my daughter does that, and it drives me crazy. In fact, just yesterday I whispered at her, "Stop looking so glum when people are talking to you. Smile. Say something." And immediately felt like a jerk. I said it not because I really felt it was somehow deeply important for her to exchange meaningless social gestures with that person at that moment, but because I was embarrassed. Yes, it's embarrassing. And yes, I've got to get over it. Because I figured out how to act (when I was ready, when it started to have value for me,) and she will too. (I also cringe at my admonishment of her because I don't want to make the mistake of instilling the "nice girl syndrome" in her, because I think it's not only disempowering, but also potentially dangerous.)
My advice is to just pretend like the things you don't like about her right now are not an issue (unless of course you see that they are hurting someone, or her.) Just let it go, focus on yourself and the things that make you happy, and let her see that. Let her become a bit invisible, not The Thing That Needs To Be Fixed. And otherwise, just love the heck out of her. I agree with the previous poster who said that she needs positive reinforcement, and lots of it.
The Sims/Twilight thing reminds of Ren Allen. When she was growing up she was really into makeup and her parents saw that as a base sort of thing. Certainly not something to grow a proper life around. I think, in fact, that they outright banned it (or tried to.) Anyway, she became a fantastic makeup artist. She loves her life. My daughter, too, is different from me. I'd be thrilled if she was reading Lord of the Rings right now and learning to play piano. (No, that's her older brothers.) But she likes makeup, and fashion, and iCarly. Well, I'm not going to try to talk her out of it. (Um, actually, I have tried and it didn't work.) I figure she is who she is, she really really is, and I'd better learn to love her as she is or I'm going to lose a daughter.
Oh, and another story about a friend and this notion that kids are doing nothing when they're not doing what we think they should be doing -- she said, for years, that her son would literally do nothing but sit and stare at a wall unless she made him do enriching activities. And then it started coming to light, slowly, little bits of information leaking out of him, that all that time she thought he was doing nothing he was in fact thinking. About really interesting things. So when people say their kids do nothing, are interested in nothing, I am not so sure I believe it. Maybe they just don't have the ability to perceive what's there, what's really going on, due to their biases and fears and lack of personal experience with that way of being.
The complaining is so hard, though. And acting like helping out is the end of the world, that too. My daughter is still so egocentric like little kids are, but sometimes I'm able to get through to her and she gets that it's making things harder for me or other people. It is, really slowly, getting better. I'm seeing glimmers of awareness. Well, heck, my boys (14 and almost 16) are just starting to really get it. It's like they understood the words and situation before, but didn't feel it on a deeper level. Now they do. They wash the dishes every night before they go to bed (they have later bedtimes than I do.) They take out the garbage without complaining or trying to pass the buck. They don't take on all kinds of things by themselves -- their standards are different from mine -- but they do things when I put out that they need to be done. I am betting that if I can just stay cool she will come around eventually too. I mean, I know I could make threats and get mad and ground her and whatever, but the families that do that... there is a disconnect between the parents and the kids. It's the owners versus the slaves, that's how they see it, and they are just biding their time until they can get out. They're not doing it because they've woken up and seen the light, rather it seems to me that the coercion is keeping them in sort of an extended childhood. Better to set an example, be cool, talk, be patient. It makes sense, doesn't it?