Teasing at school - Page 2

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by lanamommyphd07 

Another thought hit me: DD does Girl Scouting and campfire online. I wonder if it's possible to continue Boy Scouts online as well? It's a great concept, but sometimes the experience depends an awful lot on who is running the show in the area too. That way, he can continue earning his way through, but (at least for now) not have to deal with the peer issues. If he sticks with scouting through Eagle, he'll have scouting peers who are not the pick-on types. I've not met many boys who stick with scouts until teen years who are the bullying sort.

L

Perhaps not the bullying sort, but they do well at excluding the different. My son stayed wit Scouts until he was 15, and then he had enough.

[lauren]

I agree with those that suggested getting him involved in things that are cool but different-- like martial arts, or fencing. Does the school district have anything for the science minded kids? Such as robotics club, or Odyssey of the Mind? Feeling competent in his strong areas can help compensate for the social troubles and give him something to feel good about. I think you do have to address it from the outside and the inside-- school needs to do its part and you need to try to help beef up his self esteem from the inside. What are his counselor's suggestions on this matter?
 

[pek64]

The teacher is the problem! Not clothes or hairstyles! Switch schools. Move. Leave that teacher in the dust.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Geofizz 

The content of the teasing is not important. The persistence across time and fact that the child doesn't want to go to school or scouts as a result of the teasing is. This consistutes bullying.

I disagree. A child that age can feel like others don't like them when in fact the other kids think nothing negative of them. I don't this child is being bullied necessarily. Accusing other kids of that is wrong if it's not happening. It could just be how this child perceives others.

Plus, not saying the OP is doing this but some parents can add to a problem by telling their child they are different or special, that shouldn't be done either, but parents don't always realize they are doing that to their children.

[pek64]

Originally Posted by mommy68 


I disagree. A child that age can feel like others don't like them when in fact the other kids think nothing negative of them. I don't this child is being bullied necessarily. Accusing other kids of that is wrong if it's not happening. It could just be how this child perceives others.

Plus, not saying the OP is doing this but some parents can add to a problem by telling their child they are different or special, that shouldn't be done either, but parents don't always realize they are doing that to their children.

Blaming the victim. Enough said.

[nd_deadhead]

The teacher sounds awful. My son went through a similar thing in 6th grade - felt picked on or shunned by other kids, etc., didn't want to go to school,  I emailed his teacher, reported what my son had said, and asked "Is this what you are seeing?" I wanted to find out of my son was doing anything to cause the reactions he was getting.

The teacher was incredible. He confirmed that he saw just what my son described - and we figured out what to do about it. Long story short, within a couple of months, my son was enjoying school again, and his self-confidence had increased a ton. The teacher enlisted the help of a couple of kids that he knew had dealt with teasing themselves, who included my son in group activities. We also helped my son to respond to others differently, to talk to people more.

So I think the teacher the OP described is a big part of the problem, and not likely to be much help. My advise would be to move him to a different classroom, for starters. I would also talk to the principal and school counselor.

OP, both my sons were in Scouts - in fact, they both just became Eagle Scouts. It can be a terrific organization for boys who don't necessarily fit in elsewhere, but a LOT depends on the adult leadership. My DH has been Cubmaster and Scoutmaster for years, and he does not tolerate bullying or teasing during Scout activities. Unfortunately, not all groups are as good at it as he is. Do you go to his Scout meetings? Are you seeing teasing there? What does the Cubmaster do about it? I would definitely talk to him or her if you see inappropriate behavior at those meetings.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by pek64 

The teacher is the problem! Not clothes or hairstyles! Switch schools. Move. Leave that teacher in the dust.

These problems happen at other places besides school, though. The teacher's not in all of those places although I agree that her behavior is not appropriate.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by pek64 


Blaming the victim. Enough said.

I don't think that's necessarily so. If there is teasing going on, that's blaming the victim. But the point was that what is being called teasing may be just a sensitivity to normal comments. When I was in 7th grade my parents consented to buy me my first pair of jeans. I was double-grade-skipped, small for my age, in middle school for the first time and exquisitely sensitive to the fact that I was younger and was totally new to pre-teen culture and clothing trends. I wanted jeans in the worst way; my parents agreed to buy me a pair of off-brand jeans and I was thrilled. I wore them to school, and a couple of my friends said something like "Cool jeans! Are they Levis?" and checked the pocket for the tab. "Oh, I guess not. Nice though." Well, I was mortified that my jeans had not lived up to their supposed expectations. I told my parents (and believed myself) that I was being teased for not having Levis. I still remember how terrible I felt almost 40 years later.

I believed I was being teased, but I absolutely wasn't. I just had this desperate desire to fit in, and was so sensitive that even innocent comments were perceived as judgemental. So it can happen.

Miranda