Night Waking - Page 2

[LilyTiger]

We're still struggling a bit here.  Since we started unswaddling her, DD goes down at around 6:30pm, sleeps until 12:30 and then is up every three hours after that until around 9am.  Any ideas for how to gradually cut out those early morning feedings/wakings?  It's been pretty consistent -- 12:30, 3:30, 6:30 and then up at 9:30 am-ish.  Even if we could just eliminate the 3:30 my life would be so much better. 

DD is 5 months and we currently split the night between alone in crib for first half and co-sleeping for the second half (though we can't co-sleep for much longer). 

[avismama24]

My son also needs his own space to sleep, his own room is preferable. I woul dhave co-slept until he was 18 if he would have let me...but he clearly sleeps much better on his own. We occasionally nap together, but he really likes his own sleeping space, we even just set up a crib (he is 14 months, and I NEVER thought we would even consider a crib) but he LOVES it. We are not even close to a CIO family and I always associated cribs and seperate rooms with this type of sleeping philosophy. DS never cries when he is in his own crib and room...he just really likes it. Too bad for me, I miss the snuggles, BUT great for him!!!

[avismama24]

Originally Posted by LilyTiger 

We're still struggling a bit here.  Since we started unswaddling her, DD goes down at around 6:30pm, sleeps until 12:30 and then is up every three hours after that until around 9am.  Any ideas for how to gradually cut out those early morning feedings/wakings?  It's been pretty consistent -- 12:30, 3:30, 6:30 and then up at 9:30 am-ish.  Even if we could just eliminate the 3:30 my life would be so much better. 

DD is 5 months and we currently split the night between alone in crib for first half and co-sleeping for the second half (though we can't co-sleep for much longer). 

Lily Tiger...I hate to say this but for a 5 month old those wake up times are pretty typical! Sorry.....she is still to little to sleep for much longer stretches. Can your partner do the 3:30 wake up so you can sleep from 12:30-6:30? This will change shortly.....if you keep responding to her needs she will start to sleep  for 5 to 6 hour stretches and that 3:30 wke up will disapper. Hang in there!

[LilyTiger]

Avismama, I sort of suspected that might be the case.   I guess what's hard to wrap my head around is that until four months, she was regularly sleeping 6 hour stretches.  And so it's hard to understand why now that she's older she wouldn't sleep longer.  Of course, she does get a six hour stretch in there, just not when I'm asleep.  Argh!  I have to keep reminding myself that she's probably growing and doing all sorts of developmental things that might require her to eat more at night.  So I just need to listen to her cues.  But it's incredibly frustrating and really difficult largely because I have a huge deadline in six weeks that requires non-stop intellectual activity and I feel brain dead half the time.  I guess I'll just have to suck it up and muddle through.  Our baby monitors arrived today and so we'll do our first experiment will her in her own space for the entire night.  We'll see how it goes. 

[LadyCatherine185]

I had 2 non-sleepers, ((they woke every 15-60 minutes all night every night until almost 18 months old and naps were also a joke)), and I have to say that around a year things got a little better (they started sleeping consistent 1 hour stretches, no more 15 minute stretches) and around 18 months things got a LOT better (I gradually nightweaned around that age and they began to sleep 3-5 hour chunks) and around age 2 when they cut out their nap completely their sleep schedule became predictable (as in, they would go to bed and get up at relatively the same time each day). My 4 year old started sleeping through the night more consistently right around his 4th birthday (about 5 months ago), and my 2 year old  still wakes up a couple times a night.

I will say, that you do learn to cope with much less sleep, and learn to focus less on your lack of sleep and babe's lack of sleep as well. I just did what I needed to do to survive, coslept and nursed at night, and somehow I felt somewhat rested.

We are expecting baby#3 in about 4 weeks and I am praying for a "sleeper" this time!! ;)

[AndtheStars]

I have two horrible sleepers just like LadyCatherine (seriously, your name makes me smile every time because you and LouiseP got me through DS1's sleep deprivation.  Your posts made me feel sooo much better and accepting of my sleep-deprived lot)

DS1 is 3.5 now and still wakes up once a night to come from his bed to our bed where he sleeps, kicks and squims and generally makes co-sleeping not fun.  He never napped for more than 45 mins a couple times a day from the time he was born until a little after 2 (1-2 hour nap after that) and woke at night multiple times until night-weaning at 2.5 yrs. 

DS2 is 7.5 months and wakes every 1-2 hours to nurse.  Also co-sleeping but unlike PP, he needs to be touching me to sleep.  He doesn't have his own sleep space because he needs the contact to sleep.  Apparently. 

So I really have no suggestions for you, OP, except that you will survive.  You will be exhausted and hallucinatory and you will think that you have reached the very end of your rope every day but magically there will be more rope there and you will get through this.  Try as many things as you need to.  Don't feel like you are stuck in one place.  Things will work for one night, two nights and then it will all go to hell again.  Both my kids are happy when awake which is a big consolation to me.  DS1 is smart, charming, polite and is generally a great kid. 

[Jaxy]

We co-sleep and DS is 4.5 months and still wakes every 1-2 hours to "nurse" (he doesn't really eat at night, pretty much suck on my nipples for a minute or so and falls asleep...). I tried giving him the pacifier but unless he just ate and is very sleepy, he will spit it out in disgust (or start crying if I "force" it). BFing and co-sleeping has been great for DH and I, the only problem is that DH won't want to be intimate with me with DS in the bed and my boobs full of milk :( So I tried putting DS in the crib, it works for 1-2 hours (better than before where he would wake up as soon as I'd put him in the crib) and then wake up every 45 mins-1h... I just can't/don't want to do that... And since I do all the night caring (nursing, diaper change, etc) well it pretty much falls on me. As weird as it sounds, DH wants him out of the bed but when he's in his crib he (dh) says that he's not comfortable ds being all alone so far (... 5 feet from our bed lol). Anyway, I wonder if I should just keep going with this crib training or what...

[skycheattraffic]

Jaxy, why not put baby in crib at bedtime, have your fun with DH, then take baby back to bed with you once he wakes? The milky boobs will eventually settle down but probably not with a baby this young. It takes longer for some women and shorter for others. Milky boobs come with the territory. It sounds like cosleeping is letting you get the most rest and since you do all the night parenting, you should go with what makes your life easiest.

[avismama24]

For the record...my DH loved milky boobs  but I can relate to the needing space to be intimate....this was my DH all the way. We used an arms reach co-sleeper for the first 6 months and that solved the both the problem of having him in our actual bed, but he was basically sleeping with us all the time and none of us had sep. anxiety. DS transitioned from co-sleeper to a crib with no problems at all!

[Jaxy]

Thanks for your replies!

I think that for DH it's the IDEA (of the baby, of the milky boobs) that turns him off... When we found out I was pregnant he didn't want to do it in case it would hurt the fetus (...), then we had a good sexual life during the second trimester but then at 7 months he didn't want to do it at all, saying we have to wait until the baby comes, now we have to wait until he sleeps and the crib, that I quit breastfeeding... I feel he's going to find another excuse after that... It depresses me, I dream of us being intimate, then I wake up and realize it's been 6 months, a little more, and it's probably going to stay that way No matter what I do (trying to turn him on by acting sexy is his biggest turn off...) it's not going to work, it has to come from him. Even if I successfully put the baby in the crib he'll say he's tired or find another excuse (my breastfeeding). He knows how bad we need to be intimate, it's not only the act, it's the whole we-are-a-couple thing, not only friends!!!, we used to feel so connected...

I'm sorry, I think I needed to talk about it!!!!!!!!!

[skycheattraffic]

Ahhhh that paints a more complete picture and I understand better. Honestly I think you two should date again. Get grandma or a trusted friend to watch baby for a few hours, leave some expressed milk and go out just the two of you. Go have a nice meal or play some pool - whatever you used to enjoy together before baby. No pressure, no expectations, just reconnect and get to know each other again. I'm kind of like your DH - I had very little desire while pregnant and sex with baby nearby really creeped me out. Now DD is 22 months old and in the fall we really started to hit our stride again. Of course one act of spontaneity and now we're expecting baby number two lol. My libido is zero again - pregnant and nursing, the thing that turns me on most is not being touched for a few hours lol. Having said that, I feel most connected to DH and most open to the idea of physical intimacy when I've had a couple of hours to feel like myself and not just a mommy. I think you two wouldt feel closer with a bit of couple time to reconnect.

[avismama24]

Skycheattraffic you are always so thoughtful in your responses!

This does paint a much clearer picture. I agree with the above, try to carve out some "couple" time with NO pressure to have sex, and see where it goes from there. Also physical contact is important even if it isn't really sexual, sit together on the couch, rub his feet, etc.

My DH hates it if I "try" to act sexy (not that I ever have time to do that anymore) so I know exactly what you are talking about. The best advice I can give you is to do what works for YOUR family, not what your friends, people on mothering.com, etc say you should do. Co-sleeping is a wonderful thing if it works, but for your family it may not, and having a happy, healthy marriage is way more important to your child's well being than weather or not you followed every step of attachment parenting!

Also can you talk to DH about your feelings? Can you find a time that is very neutral and not when their is any pressure to initiate sex to talk about how you feel? Intimacy and sex is very important in my relationship with my husband and it sounds like it is to you too. It is how me and Dh reconnect after a busy day where we typically spend 14 hours or more apart from one another. I would maybe try to explore why DH feels so inhibited by the baby, nursing, even pregnancy. That part is difficult for me to relate to bc for me and DH all of that is actually a turn on...like omg we did this and it created that, our gorgeous son, who we just adore.

Hugs!

[skycheattraffic]

Thank you avismama. You just made my evening. It's nice to hear that I can still sound coherent and thoughtful despite mommy brain and preggobrain working against me

[Jaxy]

Thanks again both of y'all!

I know, I was coming here to talk about night waking and end up revealing every bits of my non-sexual life. I guess I need to talk about it and I have no friends here (moved away from friends and family) and DH is just tired of hearing about it.

We are supposed to have our first date since baby on Valentine's Day! We're very excited lol!

I try not to pressure sex but sometimes I just explode and start talking about it... The thing that you don't know is that he is older (55!) and last year he's been diagnosed with low testosterone (we still made a baby!)... After that he wanted to try shots of testosterone but for me it was a big no no. 1 - for his heart 2 - I'm sorry but it turns me a little off if you need to shoot yourself before making love. I tried to explain to him that being healthy will help him a lot in all spheres of his life, etc, and he does eat a little healthier but since the baby (he stays at home with him 4 days a week) he doesn't do any exercice beside once or twice a week when I say OK let's go take a walk!

BUT the thing is that he might say he has no desire, blahblahblah, he doesn't even TRY! I mean, we don't sit together on the couch, we don't kiss, etc, which he knows I need (more than sex). I'm at the point where I just look at him and want to eat him alive lol, and he knows it and feels uncomfortable about it... I know I need to be patient but after 6 months of no cuddle/sexual contact, it's getting really hard...

[MichelleZB]

Originally Posted by Jaxy 

Thanks again both of y'all!

I know, I was coming here to talk about night waking and end up revealing every bits of my non-sexual life. I guess I need to talk about it and I have no friends here (moved away from friends and family) and DH is just tired of hearing about it.

We are supposed to have our first date since baby on Valentine's Day! We're very excited lol!

I try not to pressure sex but sometimes I just explode and start talking about it... The thing that you don't know is that he is older (55!) and last year he's been diagnosed with low testosterone (we still made a baby!)... After that he wanted to try shots of testosterone but for me it was a big no no. 1 - for his heart 2 - I'm sorry but it turns me a little off if you need to shoot yourself before making love. I tried to explain to him that being healthy will help him a lot in all spheres of his life, etc, and he does eat a little healthier but since the baby (he stays at home with him 4 days a week) he doesn't do any exercice beside once or twice a week when I say OK let's go take a walk!

BUT the thing is that he might say he has no desire, blahblahblah, he doesn't even TRY! I mean, we don't sit together on the couch, we don't kiss, etc, which he knows I need (more than sex). I'm at the point where I just look at him and want to eat him alive lol, and he knows it and feels uncomfortable about it... I know I need to be patient but after 6 months of no cuddle/sexual contact, it's getting really hard...

Hi Jaxy--it does sound like your husband is making some excuses not to have sex. Most men (not all men, mind you, but all men I've known) don't have objections to the pregnant tummy or the milk-filled boobs. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I think you need to allow your husband to explore testosterone replacement therapy if he and his doctor feel it might help. Low testosterone is a real thing, and it's not all his fault, and having some of that back might improve his sex drive and his zest for life.

As for the original topic of this thread, my 14-month-old still wakes multiple times in the night. It's slowly gotten better, so I'm just assuming it'll continue on that road until he sleeps through the night.

[skycheattraffic]

I agree, if he is low on testosterone then his lack of desire is very closely related to that. Even in women testosterone governs sexual desire. Just like my pregnancy hormones are messing with my normal libido, his low testosterone is interfering with his desire. I understand the reluctance to medication but this isn't like Viagra: he doesn't need testosterone to be physically able to make love but to feel like himself again. I would be deeply hurt if DH was turned off if I needed hormone replacement therapy in menopause. In essence your DH is in the same situation as a woman needing HRT. He is 55 and the reality is that his body doesn't function like he is 35. I would ask him to try the testosterone and see if he gets more of his mojo back. If he's anything like me, he probably wants to be interested and is upset that he isn't. Good luck

[element2012]

I am here to second the testosterone therapy.  It will do wonders for your DH's libido.  It has nothing to do with you, as men age and their testosterone levels fall, the libido can really suffer.  Most men have a drop in testosterone after 40 and it wreaks havoc on a man in the same way menopause wreaks havoc on women.  Supplementing his testosterone will bring back the vigor for life that young men have, sounds like a good thing to have!  Also, I've seen that there are creams if shots are really going to freak you out. To me it sounds like the excuses are a diversion from the fact that his libido is super low, you might find the tables turned on you if DH does decide to go for the hormone therapy. This will pass :)

[vivianne]

Hi there! New here
My baby is 6 months and us SAME! Sleeps 45 min naps and wakes up every 1:30 -2:30 at night ! I first put in his cot, go to bed and bring to bed with me on his first awakening!!!
Hes nursed to sleep however sonetimes hes so full he cries and nothing makes him stop ! Then i have to rock him and try to offer boob , he rejects it but i dont know how to make him sleep without it, so i keep offering untill he accepts and finally go to sleep! He now bit me 4 times , he has 2 bottom teeth and it hurts a looot ! ( omg is 21:27 and he just woke up for second time )

[Jaxy]

Thank you very much for the encouragements, I will admit it, I never talked about this with anybody - not even DH, since for me testosterone shots were out of question. The thing is, he has heart disease conditions in his family (and actually had a mild heart attack in the past, but when I asked him about it tonight, he said that happened when his brother died, which I didn't know...!!!) and I'm scared of the shots... :( I do know that it's not his fault and although I sometimes feel resentment towards him, I'm not ugly to him about it... I do try to turn him on, talk to him about it (and he gets upset, because he DOES feel bad about it...). So yeah, maybe the testosterone shots are a good idea... His doctor actually prescribed him some while I was pregnant but I refused... We talked about it tonight after I read your replies and he said that he was thinking about it himself, that I "read his mind" (y'all did! lol). I guess I was in some kind of denial of his age and condition because I'm so young (24...) and because although he had low testosterone before, we we're still going at it like teens lolll. I thought it was only in his head because of the pregnancy, etc, but I see now that it's not. But you're right, I have to face the facts that I married an old man lol, that I love very much and that I certainly don't want to hurt, like you said skycheattrafic  :(

I think we will go for it! Thank you very much for enlightening me :P

[Jaxy]

vivianne did you try to offer him the pacifier? If he's full he doesn't want the milk but the comfort of the nipple. The only way I've found is to go as to give him the boob but put the paci in his mouth, rocking him. It usually works... But like you he wakes up ALL NIGHT. We cosleep so I think we wake him up... And like you we bring him to bed after the first time he wakes up... We should try harder but honesty, I love to sleep loll.