Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Shower Invitation Etiquette?

Shower Invitation Etiquette?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

So, my BFF and one of my grandmothers are in cahoots and planning my shower.  I already let them know that I want a really casual, simple, co-ed thing-- like more of a get-to-see-our-favorite-people-one-more-time-before-the-baby-comes thing instead of a "traditional" shower.

 

No problem.

 

The question is, who should be on the invitation list?

 

Obviously our friends and family, especially those within a 3-hour drive (most within 30 minutes).  But what about those who almost certainly won't be able to make it?

 

It feels weird to invite, say, one cousin, who lives 2 hours away, and not invite her sister, who lives 6 hours away.  And what about their other sister, who lives in Thailand (we're in the US)?

 

KWIM?

 

I absolutely don't want to look like we're gift-grubbing, nor do I want ANYONE to feel ANY pressure to get us ANYTHING, LOL... 

 

But OTOH, it almost feels rude or weird not to invite some of these people, YK?

 

It's different with a wedding, which is much less explicitly about gifts...  Then, of course, we invited all possible family and good friends.  I don't think of a shower-- especially this particular shower-- as being "about" gifts, either, but technically, that is what a shower is-- you're to be "showered" with gifts.  So... I could see where it could get sticky.

 

FWIW, we have pretty much 3 categories of friends/family.  1) Live within 3 hours, mostly <1 hour.  2) Live elsewhere in the US.  3) Live overseas, mostly in the Philippines. 

 

In each category, there are varying levels of closeness-- like maybe one would say don't invite those in the Philippines, but it seems a little funky not to at least invite DH's godparents, etc.  OTOH, maybe we just send them a baby announcement?  I have no idea...

 

Any thoughts?  What did you do (especially with your first)?

post #2 of 8

My SIL lives in NJ and I still got an invite. I wanted to send a gift and it was nice to send it that way. So, close family that lives far is normal. Same goes for close friends, like college roomates you keep in touch with. If someone is involved in your life on a regular basis and lives far away, it's not uncommon or unexpected to send them an invite.

post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 

I mean, a good friend of mine (not BFF, but within the top 10 or so) lives in Chicago (I'm on the east coast) and she sent me an invitation, and I was definitely not offended, so...

post #4 of 8
Thread Starter 

I did find this, in searching, which was interesting...

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/924615/baby-shower-invite-etiquette

 

I am usually (99% of the time) with Miss Manners, whom I kind of love (and who lives in the "smallest" "state," incidentally-- Washington, DC).  But IDK.

 

I should mention my BFF is sending an evite, with registry links (since they're both online registries).  But perhaps we could include some wording...  even though I'm usually loathe to mention gifts in invitations (even to say "no gifts"), as Miss Manners acknowledges, there ARE a few occasions that kinda are about gifts, namely "showers."  But maybe we could say something like, "Best wishes for the new baby will be most cherished! If you choose to send or bring a gift, X and Y are registered at... blah..."

 

Or something...

post #5 of 8

Oh! I like that wording, buko!  I think that solves your problem!  :D  I would prob send invites to close family (to me this means aunts/uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents and other family who I actually see/talk to on a regular basis) and friends, even if they live far away... Especially with the wording you mentioned.  

post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 

Thanks, Jodie!  I think I am going to err on the side of inviting most folks-- the ones we are really close to, anyway, no matter how far away.  :)

post #7 of 8

I'm struggling with this one too! All of my family lives out of state except my parents. This is baby #4 but it's our first BOY!! So I'm wondering if I should send invitations to my aunts and cousins that are out of state knowing full well that they wont be able to come headscratch.gif

post #8 of 8

I think some of this is really family-dependent. I initially didn't invite a bunch of far away in-laws because I knew they wouldn't be coming (and otherwise, aren't I just asking for gifts), but my MIL insisted they would want an invitation, so then we sent some. But it made me a little uncomfortable.

 

She wanted me to send an invitation to my own grandma too, even though she's elderly, far away, and wouldn't be attending. But my mom said not to, that it would just stress her out.

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