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A place to process the recent school shooting.

post #1 of 111
Thread Starter 

I am feeling very lost, sad, confused, and depressed with regards to the recent school shooting in Connecticut.  My heart is breaking, and the time inbetween when I saw the news on the computer and the time it took to have all three kids at home was torture.  Now I'm just sitting here bursting into tears every two minutes.  I want a drink, a big one, and maybe a cave to escape to with my family.  But even more, I need to process it with other people.  So here I am.  How is everyone else doing?

post #2 of 111

It's just horrific. I'm at a loss for words and wondering if I should say anything to the kids. I have a 6th grader and a 3rd grader so they're at the age where it's possible that someone else will say something if I don't. I'm glad we've got the weekend to consider what to do. 

post #3 of 111
I'm horrified, and also wondering what, if anything to say to my 8yo DS. I'm leaving to pick him up from school in a few minutes, and my heart is wrenching thinking about all those parents who kissed their precious babies goodbye this morning, and then this happened. It's too much for my brain to accept right now.
post #4 of 111
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

It's just horrific. I'm at a loss for words and wondering if I should say anything to the kids. I have a 6th grader and a 3rd grader so they're at the age where it's possible that someone else will say something if I don't. I'm glad we've got the weekend to consider what to do. 

I've got an 8th, 6th, and 3rd grader too.  I just spoke to my 8th grader, because he was concerned about how I was feeling and the fact that he could tell I had been crying.  I only told him the bare bones, no numbers or ages, etc.  I'm sure he'll have more questions soon.  I haven't decided how to handle the questions or how to handle it with my younger kids.  :(

post #5 of 111
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

I'm horrified, and also wondering what, if anything to say to my 8yo DS. I'm leaving to pick him up from school in a few minutes, and my heart is wrenching thinking about all those parents who kissed their precious babies goodbye this morning, and then this happened. It's too much for my brain to accept right now.

This is what keeps going through my head tonight.  My oldest wanted to go to the teen center tonight, but I couldn't fathom letting him out of my sight right now.  So we're staying home, getting pizza, and watching movies as a family.

post #6 of 111
Thread Starter 
post #7 of 111

candle.gif  I'm staying away from the news as much as possible. It's a little difficult because usually NPR keeps me company. 

 

I assumed my 8th grader would have heard about it at school, but he hadn't.  I'm glad.  I told him there'd been a shooting at a school and several kids were killed. 

 

Crying off and on. guilty.gif

post #8 of 111

I agree wanting him to stay home but I am wondering if letting him do business as usual would help. I know we plan on keeping our plans the same because kids (and adults like myself) need their normal routine to help them. So if there is basketball practice tomorrow morning, a sleepover scheduled tonight, go to it but talk with your kids before.

post #9 of 111
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st View Post

I agree wanting him to stay home but I am wondering if letting him do business as usual would help. I know we plan on keeping our plans the same because kids (and adults like myself) need their normal routine to help them. So if there is basketball practice tomorrow morning, a sleepover scheduled tonight, go to it but talk with your kids before.

You're probably right.  But he chose pizza and movies over teen center, so that was a win/win! 

post #10 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow View Post

You're probably right.  But he chose pizza and movies over teen center, so that was a win/win! 

I figured he would! Go hug him!

post #11 of 111

It's all I can think about today.  It's just so horrifying.  My son (4th grader) is now afraid to go to school.  

 

I feel such sadness for those innocent children and my heart breaks for their parents/siblings.

post #12 of 111
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st View Post

I figured he would! Go hug him!

Lots and lots of hugs for everyone!  grouphug.gif There were five of us and 3 cats all snuggled on the couch with the dog at our feet.  It's like everyone just wanted to be close together.  I think we all needed it. 

post #13 of 111
I am grateful tonight that my oldest is just three... I can snuggle and keep her close tonight. Thought I would share this though for those of you unsure how to address it with your older children.... Dr Laura Markham (author and expert on gentle discipline) posted a thorough article on age appropriate conversations for helping kids make sense of this. (Well, as much as anyone can make sense of it....)

http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/How_To_Talk_with_Kids_about_Tragedies_Like_School_Shooting/
post #14 of 111

I'm amazingly grateful that I had a homelearning meetup today. The others got there much earlier than I did, and I don't think any of them had heard the news yet. I didn't bring it up, and let the activities distract me as much as possible.

Now, I've been home for a while, and it's hitting me again. I know what it is to lose a child. I have no idea what it is to go through something like this. My heart's breaking for the families.

 

And, yeah...I gave all three of my younger ones random, completely unexplained, hugs, with tears in my eyes, this morning.

post #15 of 111

I found out about this when I went online when my kids were at school. Spent a good hour crying. Just cried more now reading about it again. Luckily my kids haven't heard about it and most likely won't, so I don't have to bring it up with them. It's just so unbelievably awful. My heart is completely broken for that community.

post #16 of 111

I never read the news, and if I do I barely cry (the world is one big scary place..) but this hit me hard. I sobbed in the car today, and I talked with friends about it and cried some more...which is nothing compared to how those poor, poor families must feel that lost a child. It's horrific what happend - simply put. I don't want to pray, I don't want to justify it, I don't want to do anything but hug my kids and feel grateful I homeschool them, and plan on keeping them close whether they like it or not. 

post #17 of 111

I didn't hear about it until later in the day due to a heavy therapy day for DS1. Yesterday was my 4th grader's first day at a public school. She was already nervous and the school told them this morning about the shooting. greensad.gif She processes things in stages so I'm not sure if it will come up again until it is Sunday evening. I also have a K student and that seems to hit me really hard. She doesn't know anything yet. 

post #18 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View Post

Yesterday was my 4th grader's first day at a public school. She was already nervous and the school told them this morning about the shooting.

Geez. I really think with something this big and upsetting, school staff should leave it up to the parents decide how to handle this with their kids. Unless you live in an area that was affected (I know some of the other area schools were on lockdown), there was no reason for the school to share the info with the kids before the parents had a chance to. I'm sorry that happened.
post #19 of 111
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View Post

I didn't hear about it until later in the day due to a heavy therapy day for DS1. Yesterday was my 4th grader's first day at a public school. She was already nervous and the school told them this morning about the shooting. greensad.gif She processes things in stages so I'm not sure if it will come up again until it is Sunday evening. I also have a K student and that seems to hit me really hard. She doesn't know anything yet. 

We got emails from all the boys schools, letting us know that the teacher, staff, psycologist, etc were all on standby and ready to answer the kids questions, but that they would not be informing the kids of what happened.  They also gave links to read give parents some ideas of how to talk to the kids about this, and they warned us that with the kids in middle school, there probably was no way to shelter them from the news.  But to announce it in school, to fourth graders?  That is just way beyond wrong.  I'm so sorry that your dd had to deal with that on top of her first day in public school.  hug2.gif

post #20 of 111

My DH and I took turns crying out of sight from DS.  He is 7yo and I don't think he knows about it yet.  He did mention his school's intruder drills in the car last night so I wonder if the school didn't do a drill yesterday.  I am going to ask his teacher about it next week.

 

Thanks for that link about talking to your kids, I will read it later and share it with DH.

 

We are without TV this weekend so we are insulated.

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