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[tiqa]

So apparently the hospital I'm planning on delivering at is actually pretty supportive of natural labors, water therapy, etc.  I had a lot of issues that I've been bugging doctors, nurses, former midwives who had priviliges there, etc. and they've all been reassuring.  Sure, it's still a hospital birth, so there will be some compromises that I'm not thrilled about, but it is what it is, a hospital birth, and I'm comfortable with my choice to deliver there after switching from a hb practice.

BUT...

I've heard repeatedly that while no, they can't "technically" force you into the position, something like 99% of vaginal deliveries in the hospital happen in a knee-to-chest, feet in stirrups kind of a position, and none of the doctors really deviate from that.  What???  I was going to be fine with the whole, OK, DH can't catch, OB has to... well freaking fine, I don't want it like that, but OK, your hospital, your rules.  But to think that I would have to do the feet in stirrups with an audience of nurses, OB, etc. for my crotch, while I'm on my back, etc... the hell?  Nooooo....  Please no.  It was bad enough with DS when the otherwise supportive midwives encouraged me to be on my back to push, but even that wasn't in stirrups/ breaking the bed down/ etc.  This seems to me totally humiliating and torture.  If there was a problem and that was the only way I could safely deliver, fine, that's great, baby's safety and all that.  But for a normal birth?  DD was hands and knees in complete privacy - it seems like too huge a jump for me to make mentally to go from that sort of delivery to this.

I'm whining, aren't I?

[sapientia]

You're not whining at all. ((hugs)) I know I wouldn't be able to push like that. I'm like a weird cat prowling around when I get ready to push-has to be my way. I have control issues...I don't think I could handle 'being told' by medical staff to do something that wasn't absolutely medically necessarily.

[Clarasmama]

It's so weird that it matters! How hard is it to see the baby if you're on hands and knees? Or if you're lying on your side?  Sure it is a little more difficult to see the baby if you're squatting, but who's doing the more difficult job? Um, the woman pushing a baby out, not the OB catching it......

A friend of a friend recently had a nearly perfect hospital birth with her doula there, and when it came time to push she had to yell "NO" to the nurses twice when they told her to lay on her back to push!  She gave birth on hands and knees because that's what felt right for her.  I was so happy to hear that she did what felt right and didn't give in to laying on her back! I'd say just be forceful about it when the time comes if you need to.  They don't "need" you to be anywhere, THEY need to be where you are :) 

[birthjunkiemom]

Don't worry about it.  They can't force you.  Just refuse as Clarasmama said.

[J1379]

Perhaps try speaking with the nurses before the time you start pushing and/or have your birth plan written out so they know ahead of time that you would like to try alternate positions to the traditional "hospital position".  Maybe this would help at least get it in their minds before the moment comes and could potentially lead to them being more supportive of your choice?  I am lucky to have an amazing hospital that is very supportive of alternate methods of labouring.  In fact, they supply each mother with a blank birth plan when you register and there are options listed for birthing your baby including using a birthing bar, birthing on your side, birthing in a tub and a check box that says "I do not wish to have my feet in the stirrups".  Having read some awful stories here about other's experiences with hospitals births I realize that I am in a very progressive and supportive hospital and am thankful.  I have had great experiences with my births there and have never felt pressured to follow a more "medical" birth.  Why can't all hospitals be this way???

[tiqa]

Originally Posted by birthjunkiemom 

Don't worry about it.  They can't force you.  Just refuse as Clarasmama said.

The problem is that I am supremely suggestible during labor and also lose my ability to verbalize anything.  I might get out a no if I try really hard, but I can't even count on that.  With my first labor the midwives told me to labor on the toilet after pushing was taking a long time due to DS's nuchal hand, and I absolutely felt beyond humiliated sitting naked on the toilet with strangers telling me to push.  But I just sat there for a while because they told me too.  Ugh.  Hopefully I can communicate with them beforehand that I really, really don't want to do the flat on the back thing!

[Clarasmama]

Are you planning to have a doula with you?  That may be the most helpful thing, especially if you are very vulnerable during labor.  It sounds like your husband is very supportive, but having another experienced natural birthing woman there with you could be the help that you need!  There are usually doulas in training that will do it for free or cheap in most areas to gain experience too.

[tiqa]

I'm super weird because although I hired a doula I really liked in our first labor I didn't want her there when the time came.  Second time around we didn't even consider one, and again... There are doulas here that I have met and get along with (in other words, they're really nice and all that) but I just want as few people at a birth as possible.  I just like my husband there and that's that.  (I definitely know the benefits of doulas - heck I took the DONA training and served as a doula as well before we moved!)  DH is actually really good with knowing what I need and advocating - he is totally not one to mince words, and I've already prepped him on the different issues that could come up and he can watch for, like episiotomy, etc.  So I think if anyone can prevent too much intervention he can and will.  I have complete faith in him.  I just hope it's something that the nursings staff/OB's don't take too much issue with.  I'll be asking it about at tomorrow's visit...

[autumngrey]

This part of birth is something that is bringing me anxiety as well. Last time--when we didn't have to worry about "safely" delivering the baby--they forced me onto my back, literally pushing me down. I asked (not quite pleaded) to not have to be flat on my back and they told me I had to be. No stirrups; they wanted me to hold my knees. I didn't want to do that either, so finally one of the nurses grabbed one and told DH to grab the other. I didn't mind it so much from an "on display" perspective as much as "this doesn't feel natural." IT DOESN'T! Ugh. I'm afraid to even ask the question in advance, if they will let me do anything else because I think hearing the answer (no) will make it worse for me mentally. I seriously contemplate not telling them how I'm feeling as I progress on the day, so that I can get farther than they expect before they have a chance to force me to do anything. I doubt if I could pull that off without a lot of luck, though. 

[gentlymade]

I would let my husband be my advocate here and just do what felt right. Let him play defense and you concentrate on giving birth to your baby the best way you can. Just try really hard to tune out the nurses and trust your partner to support you. I totally get that it is hard not to listen to the people "in charge". I have always been one to play by the rules. But I think it is most helpful to remember that the medical staff is there to assist you, not direct you. You are in charge of bringing your baby into the world and they should do everything they can to make things more comfortable and safe for you and your wee one.