Ok I need you ladies to help me trouble shoot and come up with the best way to deal with this situation before my hormones take over and I just let it all come out in one terrible rage.
Background: I and my husband live with another couple in a large house. My husband and the other husband were good friends for years and I got along really well with the wife. When we all needed to move into a new place at the same time on a limited budget the idea of pooling our resources and moving into one large house was a great idea.
The day after we moved in I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly. 1.5 months later she found out she was pregnant. We are both excited about this because we figure that we will be able to pool our time and energy resources to help each other out with the babies and house duties.
But I'm running into a problem that is increasing with everyday and I want to deal with it before it gets to the point where I just don't want to live here anymore.
When I became pregnant I immediately had a terrible first trimester.. classic no energy, overwhelming and constant nausea, major aversions to foods and smells, etc. I basically couldn't go into the kitchen, and between my two jobs, I wasn't much fun at home (sleeping all of the time). Luckily my room mates and husband were understanding and they took over most of the kitchen duties (cleaning dishes etc). I in returned tried to do duties elsewhere (tidying up the other rooms, cleaning the bathroom, etc). There were some days I did nothing but I would say overall, my husband and I still managed to do at least 50% of the household chores and clean up after ourselves.
I will say right from the start of moving in, I felt that the other couple was not as tidy as we are but to be fair, I also tried to take into account that they were planning a wedding, and hosting family from out of town... so I thought we would just wait until all of that was done before bringing up that up and discussing it with them. After the wedding they found out they were pregnant and she was busy trying to get ready for a big Christmas craft fair she was hoping would bring her a lot of income they really need. Again, I held off bringing up the tidiness issue, knowing that if I was in her shoes I would feel pretty overwhelmed.
I started taking over a lot of cleaning, coming home after work and tidying up the living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, washing dishes that weren't ours, putting away books, papers, dishes, empty bottles, etc. It is no uncommon for me to spend 1-2 hours everyday cleaning and more so on my days off. My husband also tries to do what he can but he is working 10 -12 hour days at a physical job and is dead when he comes home. I work two part time jobs. Between the room mates, he has a full time job and she doesn't work.
Well It's been about a month since she found out she was pregnant and 2.5 months of living together and I am about to loose it. I am tired of coming home everyday to dishes piled up, the living room a mess. The other day I picked up drinking containers off the floor, her boots off the floor, cleaned dishes that had been there for three days straight (I left them there hoping they would realize that the dishes don't do themselves). I am the kind of person who can't relax in a messy environment so I feel like I HAVE TO clean in order to relax at the end of the day BUT by the time i'm done cleaning, I'm spent because I'm working two jobs AND I'm pregnant too.
Today I walked into the house and EVERY room was a disaster. The kitchen literary had not one surface area I could prepare food on and the dishes were piled high in the sink and all over the counter. The living room is covered in bottles, mugs, games, and the dining room / craft room has projects, clothes, three day old pumpkin pie, books, everywhere. There is literarly nowhere for me to go and relax in this house without having to commit to at least one or two hours of cleaning. This is the only half of a day off I have this week.
They didn't used to be THIS BAD (but this is not the first time I've come home to this). I almost screamed at the top of my lungs and ran out of the house. I want to demand they clean their crap up but at the same time I am trying to be sensitive and understanding to the fact that she's pregnant and tired and sick (I was like that a month ago, I know how it is!).
So my question to you guys is: what would you do? What is reasonable to ask of them (specifically her since she's home all day and her husband works late into the night) and what is unreasonable given the fact she's in her first trimester. I'm trying to be fair and accomodating and patient but at the same time I'm pregnant too, exhausted and have had no time to do any of my hobbies, craft projects and christmas presents because I'm either working, cleaning, sleeping or eating. I am getting resentful knowing she sits and knits for hours a day while I try to find 15 minutes to read my book. How would you go about this conversation?
suggestions very appreciated!