using both parents' last names - Page 2

[Peony]

Originally Posted by rubidoux 

 Since we didn't, though, best case scenario is that they drop dh's last name some day because mine is much more interesting.  It means "peace" in Swahili and Arabic, and it sounds nice, and sounds nice with their names.  His is not Jones, but is pretty darned close in terms of how exciting it is.  I have never told him that I hope this, though.    He's not that attached to his last name anyway.  We used it because his dad said that it was really important to him and we love his dad...  But until he chimed in the plan was to give them a completely different last name.

LOL, they is my secret hope as well. My last name is unique, very few of us, and I am the last in my particular family branch that kept it. That is what happens when most of the babies were girls for generations and they all changed their names. Dh's last name is a four letter rather common name. To add to it, we have zero contact with any person in his family but my family all lives within a 30 mile range. I do hope at least one child decides to keep my name, but I won't put that pressure on them so I've never mentioned it. 

[McGucks]

I have a hyphenated last name.  When I divorced, I took a cherished family name as my last (as opposed to my "maiden" name).  When I remarried, to my in-law's continued disapproval, I hyphenated.  My pregnancy with DH was very rocky and I honestly didn't know whether the marriage would last (after a lot of work, we seem to be okay)...but one of my sticking points (especially since my in-law's had a big, big hope we could continue a family tradition of a middle & last name that DH has (which I thought was really pushing it, but I understand why they wanted it) was that our child have a hyphenated last name (otherwise I could've settled on my last name as a middle).

My older son has a hyphenated last name (family name + his dad's last name).  He doesn't like it just because it's a hassle, but I've told him he can change it once he's 18 & he says he won't...it's not that big of a deal to him...he just finds it a pain to fill out forms and sometimes names get mixed up, like at the pharmacy (for me, not him :)

There is no perfect answer.

To add to the mix, we ended up changing our son's first name also.  We always had a nickname for him at home & decided when he was still quite young to legally change it.  It fit him better and we've NEVER regretted it.  We didn't tell anybody 'til the ink was dry, either.

[McGucks]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

It's confusing sometimes because sending Christmas cards is a mind bender.  "The Davis/Garrfeildwebber family".???  <---seriously..I'm asking.. how do I address the cards?  

I came up with my own weirdo solution for our return addresses...I omit all of our last names completely.  So it might read (pseudonyms):

John, Ellie, Marco, and Polo

6 Main Street

Or whatever.  You can do the same when you address an envelope.  Or you can write everybody's full names.  People can and will be offended sometimes whichever way you go.

You can also ask the intended family for their preference.

I got very irritated for a couple years with MIL, who refused to acknowledge our little guy's hyphenated last name.  Mostly I let it go.  It makes me feel better when she orders him a kid magazine (which arrives addressed only to his first name and the part of his last name that they share) or whatever to call the company and have them correct it, and it will be an increasing issue when he learns to read.  We will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Additionally, as a PP said, I typically preface explaining my last name (if I am on the phone with a doctor or whomever) by saying "I [or my sons] have a hyphenated last name...[give a couple second's for processing time], which is Smith-Jones." 

 

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by McGucks 

I got very irritated for a couple years with MIL, who refused to acknowledge our little guy's hyphenated last name.  Mostly I let it go.  It makes me feel better when she orders him a kid magazine (which arrives addressed only to his first name and the part of his last name that they share) or whatever to call the company and have them correct it, and it will be an increasing issue when he learns to read.  We will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Oh man!  My FIL (who I mostly adore) always always always spells Augie's name wrong (2 g's) and leaves out my last name.  Drives me crazy!  But to tell the truth, I don't know that dh ever told him exactly what our kids' names are.  I'm sure he's seen the first name spelled out a bunch of times in emails, though.  

[limabean]

Originally Posted by MichelleZB 

I just want to chime in to say that both my parents kept their names, and I have a hyphenated last name: Momslast-Dadslast. My name is pretty long, and somewhat hard to spell. I just really wanted to say that I have never suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. I rather like having a unique last name, and for people who had trouble with it, I just spelled it out slower and we all survived.

When I married, I kept my hyphenated last name because I think it is cool.

There's nothing wrong with hyphenated last names! Go for it.

What last name do your kids have? In these scenarios my mind always goes to imagining two people with hyphenated names getting married, both keeping their names, and both insisting on passing their names along to the baby, resulting in the baby being named John William Smith-Jones-Wilson-Reed.

[McGucks]

I have told my DS1 (hyphenated) that when he turns 18, he can change his last name to either of the last names or whatever he likes, and that if/when he gets married or commits to someone, they certainly have my blessing (not that they need it) to do whatever they like in the last name department.

[IrishWristwatch]

Mine have hyphenated names as well. Mine comes first, as it does in my name (I hyphenated as well). They don't mind and proudly say their full name.

If at some point they want to drop one name, that's fine. I'll even help them do it. But for now I'm happy that they have both of our names.

IF we were to choose one name, Dh and I agree the kids should ahve my name. It's my family they know best and associate with; it's me who does most of the raising and parenting, by the nature of Dh's work he's just not around a lot. Not that they don't love their dad, but he's just not around much. I am. My family is. This is the name they know and are growing up with.

[Neuromancer]

Our first child has my last name as a second (and seldom used) middle name and my husband's last name as his last name. This was a compromise. I wanted him to have my last name, but there is no other baby to carry on the "family name" for my husband's family, and there are several babies in my family line to carry on that name.

But it's been agreed that if we have a second child (regardless of gender) that baby will have my last name. Since my husband and I have different last names, it's clearly not important to us that everyone in the family has the same last name, so we are fine with kids having different last names.

[pek64]

Heads up for those whose children might be dropping one name from a hyphenated name!!

I was told that it's easier to change the child's name before either 18 or 21, not sure which. This is in the US. So, look into the laws. I have to, because I know my son wants to drop his father's name.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by pek64 

Heads up for those whose children might be dropping one name from a hyphenated name!!
I was told that it's easier to change the child's name before either 18 or 21, not sure which. This is in the US. So, look into the laws. I have to, because I know my son wants to drop his father's name.

It's easy to change your name in the states as an adult. I've had a friend go to court and do it twice.

[greenemami]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

It's confusing sometimes because sending Christmas cards is a mind bender.  "The Davis/Garrfeildwebber family".???  <---seriously..I'm asking.. how do I address the cards?  

For both my cards and cards I send to other families with multiple names, I address it either as "The Smith Jones Family" (or Smith-Jones) or Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones and Family.  If there were more than 2 names, I would probably do it the same way, The Smith-Jones-Davis Family. 

[pek64]

Originally Posted by philomom 

It's easy to change your name in the states as an adult. I've had a friend go to court and do it twice.

I was told it's getting more difficult, except for minors. How long ago did your friend do that?

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by pek64 


I was told it's getting more difficult, except for minors. How long ago did your friend do that?

I changed my name 4 years ago - $50 and a quickie court appearance. It's super simple.

[pek64]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom 

I changed my name 4 years ago - $50 and a quickie court appearance. It's super simple.

Thanks for the info! I'll have to ask my friend what she means by "more difficult".

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by pek64 

Heads up for those whose children might be dropping one name from a hyphenated name!!
I was told that it's easier to change the child's name before either 18 or 21, not sure which. This is in the US. So, look into the laws. I have to, because I know my son wants to drop his father's name.

I'm not sure how this works for men (I sure hope it's the same!), but when a woman gets married, she can choose a new last name.  It doesn't have to actually be the new husband's last name, she can choose any name she wants.  I didn't want my husband's name, but I didn't like my family name either (it was an ugly terrible name and I didn't feel any great unity with my family anyway), so I just dropped my last name and wrote my middle name in for my new last.  It was free (well, except it probably cost us something to get the marriage certificate, but nothing extra).  

[McGucks]

The court paperwork was no biggie, but changing the name on a social security card can be a pain.  Depends on how "local" your local social security office is.

[Sharlla]

the kids have just my last name we are happy with that

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by rubidoux 

I'm not sure how this works for men (I sure hope it's the same!), but when a woman gets married, she can choose a new last name.  It doesn't have to actually be the new husband's last name, she can choose any name she wants.  I didn't want my husband's name, but I didn't like my family name either (it was an ugly terrible name and I didn't feel any great unity with my family anyway), so I just dropped my last name and wrote my middle name in for my new last.  It was free (well, except it probably cost us something to get the marriage certificate, but nothing extra).  

pretty sure this applies to first names as well. 

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom 

I changed my name 4 years ago - $50 and a quickie court appearance. It's super simple.

it costs nearly $200 but yeah it was super easy

[silversparrow]

I grew up having a hyphenated name and hated it. I now just use one of them. Like someone else said, my name never fit on forms, and I was always having to explain my name to people. I used to get teased about being married and people at school would call me by my last names as sort of a joke nick-name, which sucked, because I really like my much more unique first name and the nick-name for it. 

For my son, we agreed that he should have my husbands last name because it's much more rare and he has few male cousins to pass it along. My name(s) is(are) quite common and I have lots of siblings and cousins on both sides to carry it(them) on. It would be like having Jones-Brown, or something... I have even met people who are not related to me, but have the same hyphenated name!

I don't really like the whole system of patriliniage, but I see how passing on my fathers or my maternal grandfathers name will change that. Instead, I have chosen my sons middle name to be after the first name of someone I care about, which means a lot more to me anyway. If I have a daughter someday, I will pass on a female family first name that has been passed on for at least 5 generations of women on my mothers side.