using both parents' last names - Page 3

[McGucks]

Changing our son's name was either $40 or $50.

[Pookietooth]

My ds has my dh's last name and my dd has mine. It's a bit odd, but both our last names are two syllables and they don't really sound good hyphenated. I kind of wish we had given ds my last name as a second middle name and dh's last name to dd as a second middle name, but oh well, they will be ok either way. I had a coworker who was born and raised in Sweden who said that there the husband and wife have three choices: both take the husband's name, both take the wife's name, or they start over with a different name altogether -- not sure if they just make it up or choose one from the country they live in.

[mommy68]

I'm not usually a fan of long names and especially two last names placed on a child. They have to go through school and learn how to write all that from a young age. But my stepsister and her partner just had a baby and they gave their child both their last names and it's a really pretty name. :) 

[Oliver'sMom]

I also grew up with a hyphenated name and hated it.

What I disliked most about it was that it made me feel like we weren't really a family.  I know that sounds dramatic, or weird, but as a kid growing up, I would hear people refer to families as the "Smith family", or the "Brown family".  I felt that since we didn't all share the same name, we weren't really a team if that makes any sense.

My last name was super long too and just all around ridiculous.  When I met my husband, one of the things that attracted me to him was his 4 letter, simple to say and spell last name lol.  I couldn't wait to ditch my hyphenated name when we got married!  My husband and I often give each other high fives and say "go team ****!!!"  Cheesy, I know, but it feels really good to me :)

[swede]

That's a strange reason to adopt.

Originally Posted by LittleBlackBug 

DH and I negotiated before having kids. I wanted to pass my last name on and so did he. We agreed to give boys his last name and girls mine. We will be adopting to even out the genders.

[LitMom]

Originally Posted by rubidoux 

I'm not sure how this works for men (I sure hope it's the same!), but when a woman gets married, she can choose a new last name.  It doesn't have to actually be the new husband's last name, she can choose any name she wants.  I didn't want my husband's name, but I didn't like my family name either (it was an ugly terrible name and I didn't feel any great unity with my family anyway), so I just dropped my last name and wrote my middle name in for my new last.  It was free (well, except it probably cost us something to get the marriage certificate, but nothing extra).  

DH and I both changed our names to a hyphenated one when we got married. No big deal, didn't cost anything. It's not a hassle very often, but we do live in a big city with many more unusual names than ours. Even hyphenated, it's 3 syllables and 11 letters, which doesn't seem terribly unwieldy to me. I do tell people its hyphenated before I start spelling. Computer systems that don't take hyphens take it as all one name without an issue, and it fits on most forms and such. My brother and sister in law liked the solution enough that they did it too, which I think is cool. Theirs is 3 syllables and 11 letters too! 

I do like, however, that all our last names match with DH, the kids, and I. We can still be "the Such-NSuches." When the kids get married... it's their problem! No really, we won't be offended whatever they choose to do, so they can work it out for themselves. My hyphenated-maiden-name friend got married and they all chose an entirely new married name for their whole family. They went to a five letter, entirely new last name. 

[VeryLovingMama]

Thanks to everyone for your input.  Update: I went ahead and legally changed my sons last name to include mine.  So now he has 2 last names, mine and his dad's.  I feel much better now that my child and I share a name.  And i think down the road, when he's old enough to understand, he will appreciate it.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by VeryLovingMama 

Thanks to everyone for your input.  Update: I went ahead and legally changed my sons last name to include mine.  So now he has 2 last names, mine and his dad's.  I feel much better now that my child and I share a name.  And i think down the road, when he's old enough to understand, he will appreciate it.

Good update and nice to know you've reached a satisfactory outcome. 

Yesterday, after she answered the phone, DD commented on one very nice advantage we have since I didn't change my name. When someone calls, asking for MRS. Myhusband'slastname, the kids know right away that it's a stranger, likely a telemarketer. She said it's been a tipoff for her since she was very young. (Someone called trying to sell us a wholesale grocery share). 

[WalkingAround]

When I got married to my DH, I kept my last name.  I have no plans on changing it.  When our DD was born, we chose not to hyphenate and gave her my last name only. 

My in laws were furious and even my own parents were uncomfortable with the idea.  When people notice that DD has my last name and not DH's, I get a lot of raised eyebrows.  No one ever says anything in front of DH, but people occasionally pull me aside to ask why.  Out of the few who've asked, I've had mostly positive reactions.  Although some people are weirded out by the whole thing.  What's important is that DH and I are comfortable and happy with the decision. 

[VeryLovingMama]

Originally Posted by WalkingAround 

When I got married to my DH, I kept my last name.  I have no plans on changing it.  When our DD was born, we chose not to hyphenate and gave her my last name only. 

My in laws were furious and even my own parents were uncomfortable with the idea.  When people notice that DD has my last name and not DH's, I get a lot of raised eyebrows.  No one ever says anything in front of DH, but people occasionally pull me aside to ask why.  Out of the few who've asked, I've had mostly positive reactions.  Although some people are weirded out by the whole thing.  What's important is that DH and I are comfortable and happy with the decision. 

Your hubby sounds very cool.  Not many guys would be comfortable with that.  Mine would not have gone for my name only.

[Nimali]

This is something I've been thinking about as well, although I'm thinking about changing the name from a hyphenated to just one. When I got pregnant with my oldest son, my partner and I weren't married, so we hyphenated (mylast-hislast). Now, 5 years and another child later, we have decided to get married after all. I'm going to change my name to his, so it only makes sense that the kids have the same name as their parents. My last name can be a tricky one to have anyway, so that makes that decision even easier. The thing I'm considering though, is to allow my sons to make the decision to change their last name when they're older, and wait until then to legally change it. In the meantime, I want to just use their dad's last name as the name they go by, and only use their hyphenated name for official things.

[ambernichole]

When I got married my husband and I discussed all the different ways to approach the last name issue and in the end we settled on us both keeping our own last names. It saved us the hassle of changing a ton of documents and worked really well for us.

When we started discussing having children, we again discussed all the options and settled on combining our names. We've since had two kids, whose last names are the middle syllable of my last name and the last syllable of my husband's last name. It sounds good, has a piece from each of us, and avoids the hyphen.

Even though we have different last names, we consider our kids' last name our family name, and people do address cards to us that way. It's of course a little confusing for folks because it's unorthodox, and my children aren't old enough to have opinions about it yet, but we're happy with the decision so far.  

[Meagan Palmer]

We decided on my husband's last name simply because his last name is more unique, and went better with our son's first and middle names. Kivig is way better than Palmer and goes better with Eno Valentin ;-). That's how wet choose our son's last name.
Now, if my husband hadn't had such a great last name,I would have wanted us to pick a whole new last name for the family. I've never been one to automatically take my husband's last name. Never understood the idea that women still take their last name in these modern times. We no longer need to do that seeing we're no longer property.

[ahdancesing]

I want to make sure there is a post in this thread that is a strong advocate for babies having momma's last name...in case that is something you are considering.  I have a tough time understanding why we maintain the naming tradition (changing the woman's last name to match the man's last name & giving the children the father's last name).

My daughter has my last name.

My friend's children have her last name.

A local lawyer gave his children his wife's last name because he believes women do more of the rearing so he believes that she should be honored for her contribution.

The list goes on and on.

Good luck!  Naming my daughter was one of the hardest things I did!

[velveeta]

[quote name="Meagan Palmer" url="/community/t/1370349/using-both-parents-last-names/30# Never understood the idea that women still take their last name in these modern times. We no longer need to do that seeing we're no longer property.[/quote]

Is it that hard to understand? I certainly don't consider myself my DH's "property". And I do consider myself modern. My DH, my children and I all share a name because we're all in this together and it feels right for us.

[pek64]

But isn't the reason the changing of the woman's name was originally done because she was her husband's property? I can see that some might be offended by that. I just didn't like my husband's last name, and was slightly uncomfortable with his family, so I kept my name.

[Sharlla]

yep.  dh's last name ends in Dorf lol yeah wasnt taking that
 

[erigeron]

We discussed this way before we married. I tried to talk DH into taking my name or into letting our kids have my name (particularly as I have only 1 male cousin with the name and no brothers, and he has 2 brothers, so his name is more likely to get passed on). He was totally unmovable on the issue--said he would have considered it but didn't like my last name. And this is a man who teaches feminist theory classes.  He liked the idea of combining our names or choosing an entirely new one, but I didn't like either of those ideas. My mom didn't take my dad's name and I didn't like not having the same last name as my mom, so I wanted to have the same last name as my kids. So we went with the cultural default where I took his name and the kids get his name (with the added twist that he take my last name as a middle name... which we never got nailed down legally but he's used socially and I think he forgets that isn't really his legal middle name). All this time later I sort of wish I had gone for the combined/reinvented name after all, but I don't feel like changing it again, and while I sort of wish I'd kept solidarity with the non-name-changers it's not worth it to me at this point to change back to my maiden name. 

We did not give our daughter my maiden name as a middle name, because my mom did that and I hated it and gladly ditched it when I married DH. We also did not hyphenate because that would be 16 letters and both of us have names that nobody can ever seem to spell or pronounce correctly. I think hyphenation is better for Becker-Weavers and Smith-Watsons and such. 

My sister has the same middle name and (obviously) same family background and kept her name. I don't think she's going to have kids, though, so they might not face that naming issue.