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Need ideas. And sleep.

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

With one child, cosleeping worked well for a while.  Eventually she took up too much space in the bed, pushing her father and I to the edges of the bed, her toes in our hair, in our bellybuttons. We put a futon on the floor in our room, problem solved.  At 3 we moved out of the room into "her" room which she had never slept in and after a few minutes of whimpering the first night she slept well every night thereafter and is still fine years later.

I have a stepson with sensory processing and anxiety issues who sometimes has bouts of sleeping well and sometimes has night terrors or wakes in the night and has trouble getting back to sleep.  His mood is greatly affected by missing sleep.

Now my situation is more complicated and I have no idea what to do.  I cosleep with my two year old twins (they stopped nursing in the last couple of months) and it is often less than comfortable for me. I thought it was hard with the one!  I lie down with them to fall asleep and they protest. After our night routine it still takes them 30 minutes to an hour most nights.  Tired overtired or not, they do not go to sleep easily.  Sometimes one of them does but never both.  I often fall asleep with them, although I long for a little evening time with my husband. They squish me between them, pushing me with their feet and faces.  I end up sore and contorted sometimes. There are certainly times when it is sweet and cozy, but it often causes me pain and discomfort.  If I don't lay between them they move toward each other and wake each other up with squirming, feet in the face and such.

 

One or both of them wakes up crying nearly every night, sometimes more than once, sometimes both of them more than once.  One can be comforted but often not before waking up everyone else in the house.  The other will not be comforted by anything, the only way to get him to stop screaming is to threaten to move him downstairs to a "playpen" we keep for threat purposes.  I greatly dislike this practice but have found no alternative.  he doesn't want cuddles or backrubs or anything.  It is more angry crying than sad or scared.  I am laying right there with him, yet he has plenty of room, I don't know what he is crying about.

I am now expecting a new baby and have no idea what to do, we have no other room to put them in, not to mention the new baby.  What will I do?  I only have two sides, and from previous pregnancies I know I will need to move around frequently in the night to be comfortable, yet turning over often wakes the tricky twin and triggers a screaming fit.

My husband could sleep with them, (he sleeps in the room with us but on a "real" bed while we are on a mattress on the floor.  I wish I could sleep with him, I really like him:)but as I am home with them during the day and he has to go to work at a demanding job to support us, I hesitate to do this.  Also, he often works late and is not there when we go to bed so it just isn't practical on a regular basis.

I do so need advice, but I also ask that people who advocate cosleeping remember that it doesn't work for everyone and please don't judge those who can't.

post #2 of 3
Oh big hugs mama! I have one 20 month old and expecting in July and I'm having a hard time with just the one! One thing that's true of my DD and it may or may not be true of your kiddos is that she sleeps better alone than with me. She's in her own room on her crib mattress on the floor with a couple of big flat couch cushions pushed up against it for me. I lay down with her and nurse her down (after about 30 min to an hour of monkey business eyesroll.gif ) and once she's out, I get up and go to bed with the baby monitor right next to me. I'm not sure if that would work with twins - they might get together and wake each other up - but it could be worth a try. If you need to keep them separated, a pool noodle or rolled up towel/blanket might help. At two I think it would be safe.
As for the monkey business at the beginning of the night, we have a glowing seahorse plush toy that plays soft lullabies (I think it's fisher price). Now it's not a magical cure but at least she focuses on it and plays with it for a while and she's not climbing all over me. I also have a ladybug that projects stars but it needs batteries. She likes little light up things (not the noisy daytime stuff) to look at and wind down. White noise, blackout drapes with a dim nightlight work for us.
That's all I can think of for now. It's amazing that you're keeping up with twins while expecting. I wish you lots of sleepy success and hope you'll keep in touch
post #3 of 3
Thread Starter 

Update- the family bed is a crummy place to have the stomach bug.  I was thrown up on multiple many times, and so was my favorite pillow, the blankets, uncounted towels...what a mess and what a pile of laundry.  Plus I got it and it was violent.  bleah. Even now, when the bug seems to have abated, I leap to attention every time someone licks his lips or burps.

 

The goodish thing that came out of this is that I got so very very little sleep for so many days that I just told my husband I needed to sleep in the other bed or I would go insane.  (plus, with the body aches from the flu being kicked and pushed like usual just hurt too much)I told the boys too.  They still woke up in the night, and they cried louder and longer than usual because I wasn't there, but I did wake up in the morning feeling better than usual.  I also found that that mattress feels a lot better than the other that I've been sleeping on with the boys.  So did my husband!  He woke up feeling exhausted and sore.  Maybe he will have compassion for me.

 

So, no answer, and he can't keep doing this and function for work, but at least I had a sort of night's sleep. I can't bear to go back to that bed and be beat up by those vigorously cuddling brutes of mine.  But if I or someone else doesn't sleep between them they will squirm into each other and wake each other up!  If I had a giant wall pillow, that might help, piles of pillows make no difference.

 

Sometimes I think I just can't go on, but I keep surviving.  Almost halfway through this pregnancy, what am I going to do when this baby comes?

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