12/17 Weekly Thread - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[kel]

purposeful - I think that it is completely natural for you to still be working through these feelings.  I've had negative feelings toward some past birth and midwife experiences that I kind of obsessed about for months afterward - and things I wanted to say to them (but didn't) - issues where I felt that I was, in particular, emotionally let down by them.  In once instance I wrote my last midwife a long letter explaining in full how I felt (that I didn't end up giving to her and wished I had!, but maybe it was for the best that I didn't...)  I think it helped just writing the letter to her - helped me get it completely off my chest and move on.  So, I do feel like I know where you're coming from.  On the other hand, the sooner you can move on - the better for you.  You've been through a lot! - and while it's natural to think about the ways in which things could have turned out better (esp when you and babe are having a hard time because of those circumstances) - at this point it's probably doing you more harm than good.  You can't change what happened, you can only move on.  But if time passes, once you and babe are healed; if you still feel the urge to talk with your friend/midwife - maybe about breaking the waters, specifically, then I think you should.  I often wished that I'd sent that letter to my midwife - so that what I had gone through wouldn't have to happen to someone else.  xox

On another note - it's 2 am here and I'm wide awake.  I accidentally had a chai around dinner time and that always keeps me awake.  On top of that we're having car issues, so I ended up walking downtown to mail some packages (about a 20 min walk through the snow), and my son and I ran errands for an hour or so - so a lot more walking then I've been doing.  Got back home and made curry for dinner, then had some (really lovely) sex and tried to go to sleep, only to start having contractions about every 6 -10 minutes.  I'll be 38 weeks in a day, and have never had a baby before 41 1/2 weeks - so I'm really wondering about this.  If the exertion, plus spicy foods, plus orgasm just kicked it all into gear, or if it's just pre-labor.  Kind of hoping it's just pre-labor because I like it better when this happens during the daytime AND I was expecting a couple more weeks (at least!) to get stuff done. 

Guess I'll do a little laundry:) and see about getting some sleep.

[Wendyesm]

Hi, ladies.  So glad for all of you enjoying your snuggly newborn time, and congrats on all the great milk production!!  :) 

Natalie, I can also totally relate to be spending lots of time trying to work out what happened, and why. It sounds like breaking your water might have helped, but keep in mind that it might not have, either. And many midwives have good reasons for having "no AROM" policies -- like having had a baby suddenly go bad from an occult prolapse (or a frank prolapse), etc.  In my first birth, my midwife did break my water, hoping it would help pick up a stalled labor, and my daughter's heart rate instantly plummeted and set in gear a whole slew of emergency procedures... it was very traumatic, and while I ended up getting her out without a c-section (miraculously), I ended up feeling angry with the midwife for doing the AROM.  :(  My point only being that none of know what is going to end up helpful or harmful, and unfortunately it's impossible in the moment to know whether your choice to intervene, or to sit on your hands, is going to be the problem or the solution. Which does not by any means imply that you should be fine with what happened and "over it" -- just that I think for healing birth trauma, often what helps the most is to visualize what happened and to see each person's actions (or lack thereof) as coming from a place of good intention. Your midwife wanted to be helpful, wanted to avoid doing anything that could harm you, and that was her intention -- however it worked out.  That being said, I hope you are able to process and come to some peace about it. I personally found therapy to be necessary before I could!  

AFM -- I am still waiting on baby to make her appearance.  I had a solid 6 nights of contractions that kept me up, so was getting pretty darn exhausted this week.  Two nights ago they got very painful for an hour or two, enough to remind me what I'm in for (!), but then faded away again.  I'm trying not to be too emotionally overwrought about this, but broke down in tears several times yesterday....  feeling generally scared about going through labor again, particularly since this baby seems to be in a less-than-ideal position. The midwife yesterday said she is ROT with a non-flexed head :( .  I've been doing everything I can to encourage her to get in a good position -- chiro and acupuncture weekly for a couple of months, excellent posture, spinning babies techniques etc. etc.  Birth ball and belly binding now, and hoping for the best. It's hard to walk the line between the acceptance of whatever may come (and knowledge that this baby knows what's going on in there better than I do, and will do the best she can) and being proactive about trying to make the process go smoothly.  In other words, getting to the "everything is as it should be" place while simultaneously trying to make everything perfect!  Ha.  :)   I'm also just generally being an emotional mess, taking everything my partner says over-seriously and being driven crazy really easily by the kids.  I think I've cried six or seven times in the last 24 hours. :)  It being christmas time is making it harder, I think, not knowing whether she'll be with us by then or not.... and all our family is not here, given that we were waiting on the baby we didn't plan to have holidays with family. So it doesn't feel very festive or celebratory.   Maybe if I try to spend the next couple days getting super holiday spirit, I will feel better!  But that also conflicts with the overwhelming desire to nap... :)

Well, hoping for a lovely holiday for all of you with your new babies, and easy smooth labors for those of you still waiting!!

[chicajones]

lulu, that's quite some gaining for your LO! So awesome!

kel, nice to hear your experience with multiple babes. I don't feel too paranoid about having him right next to me, but I do think I'd sleep just a little better if he was more in the middle. I think we'll just wing it though, and let him lead the way. :)

lilac, we've got peeling skin starting over here too. Lotion/oil doesn't seem to do much, so I'm mostly just letting it go. Also, I'm with Tropicana -- I would re-wash. :-/

jackies, love your belly cast, especially with the hands! Too awesome!

purposeful, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of these complex emotions. I'm sure it's extra hard since your midwife is a friend. I guess you just have to ask yourself, if you don't bring it up, will you always harbor some bitterness towards her? On the other hand, if you don't feel like bringing it up will solve anything but will only make your friendship strained, then maybe it's better to let it go and forgive her for not listening. I hope it gets easier!

stegenrae, Charlie is peeling a bunch too. I know lotion doesn't really help but I keep putting it on hoping it will. Also, although my pelvis seems to be okay, my hips and legs are soooo sore when I wake up in the morning (or even just after being in bed for a bit).

violet_lotus, sounds like you're getting close! :)

AFM, feeling more and more normal as the days go by. I'm really enjoying starting to feel whole and healed again--especially being able to sit without it being painful! Put Charlie in his Moby Wrap yesterday for a walk and he loooved it. 

We went back to the hospital to have his billi levels tested again, and thank goodness they were down to 14. They said just to keep feeding him lots (no trouble there) and get him sunlight, but he'll be fine. I'm so glad we didn't have to deal with the blanket or phototherapy, etc.

My sweet sister-in-law came over this morning and did newborn photos, it was so much fun! Now he's conked out in my lap. :) 

Can you guys believe Christmas is next week? We've done nothing, and accepted the fact that "We got you a baby!" is all we can handle as far as presents go this year. I am going to buy a little stuffed zebra from Under the Nile for him, just so he has one present from us. 

[Mamabeakley]

Hi everybody. Chicajones, glad the bili levels are down. With three older kids who expect Christmas to happen that's what I've been focusing on other than baby. I'm a wee bit nervous bc neither of ds2s gifts has arrived yet but otherwise I am almost completely ready!

Wendy here's wishing you a baby in arms ASAP!

Hi, VioletLotus!

AFM, I am kind of struggling emotionally. The thing is that I don't really think its ppd. The only thing that makes sense to me is a sort of PTSD about the pregnancy - it feels like I'm being triggered . . . I *know* I'm doing my best and things are going as well as can be expected but *feeling *ineffective and worthless. I guess because that's how I felt a lot while pregnant . Bah. It would also help if dd2 would sleep for 2.25 hours or so instead of 1.75. But I'm going to bed earlier until she does.

Oh, yes, my mw does the hearing test. Apparently PA put an 'out of hospital provider' program in place, and it was so much easier than trekking to the audiologists office like I had to do with my older 3.
Edited by Mamabeakley - 12/21/12 at 2:26pm

[kaliki_kila]

Re the skin peeling - The newborn photographer who came to do my baby's pictures told me that they all peel and that it is supposed to happen. She said putting anything on it just slows the natural peeling process. She sees a lot of newborns so I guess she would know. He was peeling a lot when he was a week old but now at 3 wks it has stopped and I haven't put any moisturizer on him yet.

[tropicana74]

OH MY GOODNESS! Anyone else's baby doing the every hour feeding schedule? I know they have a growth spurt between 2-3 weeks but this has been going on for a week now. I thought these growth spurts only lasted 2-3 days. Marcus will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. He was born at 8 pounds even and weighs 10-1/2 pounds now! All.he.does.is.eat!!

I am glad he is healthy and happy but I am so, so tired from nursing all night. I wonder when/if he will outgrow this phase!?! I would really love to sleep again one of these days. 

(But on a good note I am burning calories like crazy....6 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight despite all the holiday goodies I am eating)!

[kaliki_kila]

Tropicana - wow 10 1/2 lbs! I thought I had a chunky little 3 wk old at 9 lbs!

[tropicana74]

Yea, my LO's tend to be really big weight gainers in the first 6 months and then slow down. I can't remember all of their weights at certain months but I remember DD1 gaining a pound in her first week of life (I remember the LC laughing when I said I was afraid she wasn't getting enough). And DS1 was 7#11oz at birth and weighed 20 pounds by 4 months. I just don't remember either of them doing this every hour thing!

[tropicana74]

new weekly thread started:

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1370762/12-23-weekly-thread