What Is Your Ex's Visitation Schedule and What Would You Change About It If You Could?

[monkeybum]

I'm working on our Separation Agreement and trying to figure out what to put in for the boys visitation with their dad.  It's unsupervised and he probably won't want them overnight.  They do better 1:1 with him than together, so I was thinking of proposing to him that he take them each individually every Saturday (one for the morning, one for the afternoon - I have 2 boys - that way he could take them to an activity like soccer or something), and then both of them alternate Saturday/Sunday evenings.  Although that will mean I can't take them anywhere for the weekend since he'll have them part of every weekend (and we really like to go and visit my sister for the weekend about 2 hrs away). It will likely be a struggle to get him to committ to taking them at all, and he says he's moving to another city so he likely won't see them through the week, but I do not really want them to just have a dad they see 2x/month (every other weekend) for a few hours.

What is in your separation agreement and does it work?  What would you change if you could?

Thanks! :)

[blessedwithboys]

You are a rare specimen!  :)

If I could change one thing, it would be no visitation.  Ex is bad for ds.  :(

If I may offer this, I have two kids also.  They have different fathers, but when ex and I broke up I had originally planned to send ds2 with him on opposite weekends from when ds1 was with his dad.  That lasted a month and then I realized how badly I wanted some alone time.  Consider yourself in this, too. 

[rubelin]

I'd never separate my boys, even if XH does better one on one. He's their parent, he needs parenting time, not a playdate.

My XH has a house next to mine. He doesn't really live there much anymore since his GF lives 20 miles away but he's comes back when he has the kids. Currently they are with him 2 nights a week from 6pm until 6am the next morning when he leaves for work. They are asleep when he leaves, so they come home when they wake up around 7 - 8am. I'd change it back to when he left for work around 8 so they could have breakfast with him and not have 90% of his overnight visits be while they are sleeping.

They are with him alternating weekends from 8am Sat to monday mornings (same deal as the weekly overnights). He also has them on Sunday afternoons on the other weekends. We used to have every Sunday was Daddy day, but that changed when he started dating so he sees them less now. I'd change that, too.

We set up the original schedule based on when the kids already spent time with him (they were 3 & 7 when he moved out), which was for breakfast every day and on Sundays. We added in the 2 overnights after a few months and at some point added in alternate Saturdays.

[Sunshyn74]

Our agreement says ex gets them every Wednesday evening from 5-8pm, and every other weekend (Friday 5pm-Sunday 6pm). We are supposed to rotate holidays, but so far he has been so busy with various girlfriends that he usually celebrates holidays with our kids before or after the actual holiday. That is great for me, as I get them on the actual holiday. Now that he has settled with one girlfriend, I figure he will want holidays now. Time will tell. He also gets the kids two weeks in the summer, but has only taken them one week in the summer so far.

I don't think I would change anything as far as parenting time, but I would stipulate that I didn't want third parties present at his parental visits. Other than the first month we separated, he has had a girlfriend at every single weekend visit (the girlfriends spend the night) for the past 2 years. Right now, my 6 year old DD actually sleeps with him and his girlfriend while on his visits. Yuck. Sigh.

[justmama]

Like Sunshyn(dear god, your situation is my worst nightmare!  I hurt for you.) I would definitely stipulate that third parties present overnight for visits was not acceptable.  We are in a weird situation in that we were very amicable in the beginning(read: I was stupid in love with him and did anything he wanted essentially) and so our divorce was very basic.  I took no alimony, the basic bare minimum child support, no medical for myself, joint custody, and visitation stated "as parties agree."  *sigh*  SO for the last 3 years since our daughter turned 2 and I allowed overnights, our schedule has been Tuesday 4-7:30, Thursday 4-7:30, and Friday at 4 until Saturday at 4.  It.sucks.bad.  We don't exactly have equal distribution of responsibilities and because I wanted him so badly I pretty much took over all the crap jobs like pedi visits, swim lessons, etc and schedule them during my time so he could have them free and clear for his time.  So I jam in doctors and dentists and orthodontists and lessons and sports into my time iwth them and 3 nights per week he gets to jst enjoy their company and have fun.  They are now 12, 8, and 5 and I am slowly firing back and forcing him to take on some responsibility.  Holidays go as such:  Mother's Day and Father's Day with the appropriate parent if they request it(I always do.  Him notsomuch).  Thanksgiving is his, the weekend closest to 4th of July is open to him for the family party they always have.  I get Christmas morning and Easter morning with them and he gets from noon to dinnertime on both days. Christmas Eve he gets them for church with his family and brings them  home to me at bedtime.

Ideally visitation would be Wednesday 4-7:30pm and every other weekend either Friday night around 5 or 6pm until Sunday around 3 or 4pm.  I'd even be willing to negotiate to 2 week nights as long as he was amenable to doing some doctor's visits or lessons during his time.  I would keep our current holiday schedules because it seems they are working well for us and both of us are fairly happy with it.  The problems I see with our current schedule is that while it DOES keep him in their lives every weekend, it also limits us to socialization because I want to spend time iwth them on Sunday when I see them instead of running them to friends' houses or birthday parties.  I tend to keep taht stuff at bay in order to spend time with them but it doesn't do them any favors socially.  And he won't take those things on.  If I were to do it again, I would insist on both parties being responsible for appts that fall on their day instead of bending over backwards to take the child with the appt to the appt while he spent relaxing enjoyable time ith the others, thereby forfeiting my alone time.  I would also insist on a court-ordered schedule instead of "as parties agree."  I thought it would benefit me because it would give us the room to negotiate over the years as the kids' schedule changed but it just keeps me doing all the work and him getting off scot-free.  "As parties agree" SEEMED beneficial but now I realize that having the need to stick to a legal schedule would have eliminated the fear of "rocking the boat" and arguing about visitation.