How Long to Breastfeed Discussion - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[1babysmom]

Originally Posted by SplashingPuddle 

Although I completely believe in equal co-parenting, I think it makes sense for me to do a bit more of the nighttime stuff in the beginning since I'll have the milk.

That's kinda how I see it, too.  Usually they need a change when they need to be fed, and since we co-sleep I just do it all at once.  I never get out of bed, I just do it all right there.  And once they get a big older and my supply settles down a bit, nighttime changes are less frequent anyway (and I love not even having to open my eyes to nurse them back down), but in the early weeks I always have a massive oversupply and overactive letdown so I try to sit up to nurse them if possible anyway to prevent them getting air in there and puking it all back up.  So might as well change a diaper while I'm at it.

I can't wait to be changing a tiny little bottom again.  I am seriously stoked.  For a while I thought this wouldn't be happening....

[brooklyn_warbler]

Originally Posted by SplashingPuddle 

With the next one though, I want to do more of the night time care so that my partner will be more awake in the day. Last time we both started being awake at night with our duaghter but then we were both exhausted in the day. Although I completely believe in equal co-parenting, I think it makes sense for me to do a bit more of the nighttime stuff in the beginning since I'll have the milk.

Originally Posted by 1babysmom 

That's kinda how I see it, too.  Usually they need a change when they need to be fed, and since we co-sleep I just do it all at once.  I never get out of bed, I just do it all right there.  And once they get a big older and my supply settles down a bit, nighttime changes are less frequent anyway.

Thirded.  1babysmom, that is how we do it too.  No point (IME) to waking up my husband to change a diaper when I'm already awake to nurse -- it's such a short period that you're even changing diapers at night.  I found it was a much better strategy to let him sleep as much as possible so that he could maybe get up earlier with the baby and let me sleep in an hour or two until the next feed.  My major sleep issue in that first year of parenting (neither of my kids have been great nighttime sleepers until 15-18m) is making sure that once a week (or at the bare minimum once every other week) my husband takes over early in the AM and I sleep in (which becomes increasingly easier when the baby's not nursing constantly, obviously -- in the beginning it's just not possible.  But I find my real sleep deficit kicks in at around 4m and beyond, anyway).  Doing that (i.e. making sure I got one several-hour-long uninterrupted sleep semi-regularly) whether or not I felt I needed it went a LONG way the second time around in protecting me from completely losing my shit (i.e. randomly going on crying jags once in a while) from being overtired.  We really minimized the middle-of-the-night "OMG I might actually die" moments by systemizing that approach.  :)

[firespiritmelody]

For us, it might have something to do with the fact that all of our kids have been heavy night-time wetters and changing often requires getting a whole new outfit, cover, maybe even blankets etc. Even with doublers and what not.

I firmly believe each family needs to figure out what works best for them.

[IronMam]

I think this time we're going to try doing "shift work." For example, I take everything from 9pm-2am, he takes everything from 2am-7am. That way we each get a good solid stretch of sleep, even if it's only 5 hours. That will require me pumping bottles though.

[SplashingPuddle]

When we finally switched to me doing most of the nights (around 1 month), I would be on until 5am and then pump. Then my partner would have our daughter for a few hours every morning. Usually, the main factor would be that my breasts would get so large and painful that it would wake me up. So even pumping only gave me a couple hours. Then around 6 months we switched to me being on until 2am and then my partner's turn for the rest of the night. If our daughter needed breastmilk, she would wake me up and I stopped pumping. I am curious to see how it will evolve this time. 

[1babysmom]

I should say that IF my hubby didn't work hours that made me know he needs sleep more than I do, I would probably ask him for more help in the night. :)

[brooklyn_warbler]

Originally Posted by firespiritmelody 

For us, it might have something to do with the fact that all of our kids have been heavy night-time wetters and changing often requires getting a whole new outfit, cover, maybe even blankets etc. Even with doublers and what not.

I firmly believe each family needs to figure out what works best for them.

Totally!  I added my thoughts to show the plethora of ways it works for each family.  If changing was such a production I definitely would have to wake my hubs up.  So far it hasn't been.  He woke up as a matter of course with our daughter for moral support (LOL) but then I realized, like some others on here, that it was actually more helpful if he got some rest so he could pick up morning shifts.

Knowing to be more proactive about protecting a few decent shifts of sleep here and there would have made my daughter's baby hood a lot easier though, so although it is somewhat tangential to this thread I wanted to mention it because it's not something anyone ever mentioned to me as a primip (beyond "nap when baby naps" which never worked for me because I'm a terrible napper!).

[IronMam]

Originally Posted by brooklyn_warbler 

 the plethora of ways it works for each family. 

[firespiritmelody]

Totally agree! I think my post may have come across as a bit snarky, and I didn't mean it that way!! Getting any and all extra sleep in the beginning is sooooo important!!
 

[MichelleZB]

OP, you might get more responses to your question if you posted in the Breastfeeding section of this website!

I am currently nursing my 12-month-old. It's very possible that, at 6 months when you introduce solids, weaning the baby will seem like way too much work for your husband, and he'll have seen 6 months of a healthy breastfeeding relationship and be more on board. However, it's definitely good to plant brainworms about breastfeeding now so he can mull them over.

[swmboa]

FWIW, my husband and I said the same thing as your hubby before I had my first (if they could ask they were too old to bf). Then I proceeded to nurse her until she went on strike/self-weaned at 18 1/2 months. I nursed my second until he was 2 1/2. He has never had anything. Even a sniffle. I am currently nursing my 20 month old DD in tandem with my newborn (2 weeks). She's never had anything either. My first had vaccines and many illnesses including having to be put on steroid inhalers twice for respiratory infections, multiple ear infections, bedwetting until 6, and 2 UTIs. I attribute these illnesses to both shorter time bf-ing, and having gotten vaccines (none of the others have has any vaccines). Her illnesses may not all be because of these things, but there's no way that some of the illnesses weren't related to the vaccines and shorter bf-ing.

At any rate, until your DH sees the baby and how good the bf-ing relationship is, his protests are uninformed, just as were mine and my DH's before our first was born. Also, I think you should inform him that the all major world health authorities (AAP, WHO, other countries, etc.) recommend nursing for at least a year. So in no event should your baby be stopped from nursing when they start solids at ~6 mos. Hopefully he'll come to realize the irreplaceable health and emotional benefits for you and your baby of extended bf-ing. Plus, you could always print out information and leave it laying around if he won't talk to you about it. Hopefully he'll read some of it and between that and actually seeing the baby in your arms, he'll soften his stance.

P.S. I'm not due in Apr 2013, since I just had a baby. But I really wanted to comment on this thread. I hope I'm not breaking the rules too egregiously!

[Lisanne]

I'm sorry he's being that way about it. I agree that once baby is here and you are breastfeeding he will probably slowly change his mind. I'm sure my husband never thought I would nurse our babies as long as I did. Our first stopped on her own at 19 months, but our second nursed until after her third birthday. I like to just leave it up to the baby when it's time to stop. 

[KateHNM]

I think he feels this way because of what other people say and because he gets creeped out by older children breastfeeding which I wasn't planning on doing anyway I was expecting my son to be done by 2 or so at the latest.  But he brought it up while visiting his father for christmas and his father said the same thing as him.  "When they start eating real food that's it for the bottle."  So maybe he got the idea from him or something I don't know.  But oh well I'm not going to let him bully me into cutting off my child from breast milk early.  He'll just have to deal.  Theres not really anything he could do about it after all, right?  But hopefully he will come around and we won't have to argue about it. Such a silly thing to be against.  Oh haha, the other day he goes "Well what if the baby can't tolerate breast milk?"  I laughed.  I was like, it's made to be the best food for a newborn baby I really don't think that's something we have to worry about.  If he has a problem digesting it I'm sure I could just change my diet and it would be fine.  I've never heard of babies not being able to drink breast milk have you?

Anyway thanks for all the replies I appreciate the support and information.

[1babysmom]

Originally Posted by KateHNM 
I've never heard of babies not being able to drink breast milk have you?

I've definitely heard this said a number of times, some friends have been told their babies have "allergies" to their breastmilk or something.  IMO, it's an uneducated doctor who doesn't know anything about elimination diets or working with breastfed babies, period.  I'm sure it's possible that there are a few very rare cases out there where babies just simply have trouble with their mother's milk, but I have yet to hear of one that doesn't seem like there were rocks left unturned,

[firespiritmelody]

I have a girl friend who is legitimately allergic to all meat proteins. Eating any meat or animal product, at all, makes her violently ill. This included breast milk when she was a baby. They didn't figure out what was actually causing the problem until she was nearly a teen and she had a rough childhood because of it. Now that she's been on a completely vegan diet for her adult life, she's totally healthy and has no other food issues.

Other than that, I think that some babies do have issues with MOM'S diet but that doesn't make them allergic to breastmilk. Avoiding foods that baby is sensitive too isn't that hard once you figure out what they are.

[omphaloskepsis]

My last baby had a terrible time with my breastmilk (he loved nursing, it just hurt his tummy and made him scream bloody murder for several hours every night!), UNTIL - dundunDUN - I gave up every speck of dairy in my diet. It took a couple of weeks to get entirely out of my system, and after that he was totally fine and nursed until around 18-19 months (I got pregnant and he got frustrated with the lack of milk, lol). So yeah, in a lot of cases it's an issue with mom's diet, which is easy enough to fix. :) But ooohhhhh how I missed cheese! lol...Still, it was definitely worth it!

[brooklyn_warbler]

Originally Posted by 1babysmom 

I've definitely heard this said a number of times, some friends have been told their babies have "allergies" to their breastmilk or something.  IMO, it's an uneducated doctor who doesn't know anything about elimination diets or working with breastfed babies, period.  I'm sure it's possible that there are a few very rare cases out there where babies just simply have trouble with their mother's milk, but I have yet to hear of one that doesn't seem like there were rocks left unturned,

I agree wholeheartedly.  The majority of babies will tolerate breastmilk without any problems, a small amount will have a sensitivity to something in mom's diet (for example, my first reacted to cow -- but not goat -- dairy), and a seriously miniscule fraction (I'm talking about a very, very, very tiny amount) will have problems like firespiritmelody brings up. 

[Cali2SC]

Before I had children, I though kids with teeth bfing was too old.  I am currently nursing our 3 year old.    I think that it totally changes when it is your own child and not just some theory you picked up from a largely non-bfing society.  As time goes on what is right for your family will become clear.  You may have a baby that elects to self-wean early, or you may have a child that will want to nurse for a more "full-term" length of time.  Either way, I would do what your heart says as long as both you and baby are on board.  Besides, your hubby will probably be sold the first time nursing diffuses one of the "terrible twos" tantrums, or makes his life easier in sooooooo many ways (easing bedtime and waking transitions, soothing boo-boos, calming an angry toddler, letting him sleep longer, better health, and the list goes on.)  I agree with previous posters that said it will seem less weird to him once he sees daily and how it benefits your family.  Best of luck!