I've been depressed and anxious for some time now; I've had depression on and off since at least 12. So, I'm still trying to sort out my life and all my little quirks. I'm pretty sure I have ADD, which is pretty depressing for me. I feel broken.
But the thing that is niggling me the most right now is whether I have a sensory processing disorder or not. This is what I experience:
-I cannot deal with my kids talking to me/asking me questions for very long. They can usually be pretty noisy in play (yelling, screaming) and I'm okay with that, but when they demand my attention and interaction it makes me want to jump out of my skin. I get the heebie jeebies.
-Kids whining and crying seems to make more angry more quickly than most of my friends.
-If you have dirty or sticky hands DON'T TOUCH ME!
-I get overwhelmed quickly when the kids want to touch me or sit on my lap. I can't stand them fidgeting or moving on me. When I cosleep my skin crawls when they settle down and squirm to do so. It makes me feel rage-y.
-Once my kids hit a year nursing freaks me out. Not in a, "Oh, this is wrong," sort of way, but a, "It feels like sandpaper or clamps are on my nipples and oh god I can't stand this." I don't like the feeling of how they nurse when my milk lets down. I don't even like feeling my milk let down.
-Crowds drain my energy. Even just one person can do that if I have to sustain interaction for very long. Even when I was a kid playing at my friends' houses I would disappear after a while and read their books. Reading books has always been my way of shutting out the world.
-When my husband touches me it can't be softly. If you're going to touch my skin it has to be firmly or I kinda freak out.
-Even though I have a big family (6 kids growing up in a 960 sq ft home) I still have a bubble when it comes to the more cuddly of my sisters. After a while I just don't want to be touched anymore.
So, does anyone have any insights? I have a hard time analyzing things myself since things like ADHD and autism were seen as character flaws in my family. I never know if I have something really going on with me or if I'm just weak and lazy.
Thanks for your time.