*~*Sex And the Third Trimester*~* « Back to Group Discussions

[HouseofPeace]

Since it's become a subject that has hijacked another thread- here's a thread for those mama's who need it!

Talk about pelvic rest, frustrations, problems, questions, and share about what's going on!

[kellybeth]

you know, all the positions that blogs and parenting websites suggest just do not work. spooning/on sides? yeah right. doesn't even work if you slide down to the edge of the bed. i'm worried i'll crush my husband, too, so that's out. and he's worried that he'll crush the baby, so thats out. it's a lot of flailing and awkward movements, reminiscent of a high school go-at-it. 

we're starting to get experimental with our pillows, now. 

[typebug]

I think DH is so overwhelmed by juggling work and looking after me he's lost his mojo. I guess i can't really complain since he's tired because of me! Looking forward to the week off next week and reconnecting. Feeling very lucky to not have family in town for that reason ;)

[Chloe'sMama]

We have a family bed, so almost never have our time together there, so we have learned other spots to go to.....

For those trying to find new and comfortable positions.....

I find on my knees, leaning on the couch with my elbows is still comfortable.  On the edge of the couch with my bottom all the way to the edge and DH on his knees.  Bathroom counters seem to be the perfect height for DH to stand up to with me scooted up to the edge again.  I can still be on my back for a portion of the time then spooning actually works well for us.

I have been so so tired lately and not in the mood... Poor DH.  

[Brambleberry]

O.k., so I'm moving this over here from the symptoms thread, because it's feeling a little urgent right now...  

The last time we dtd, I had a worrisome series of several little contractions one after another for about an hour afterwards.  I told my FPD this at the end of my last prenatal with her, and she thought we should abstain because of how semen ripens the cervix and all, and I'm at risk for PTL (only risk factor being the twins, I went to 41w5d with DD).  Suddenly what seemed like a hassle is getting more and more tempting every day LOL.  I didn't get a chance to ask any follow up questions like, is it o.k. with a condom, or non-penetrative?  Am I not allowed to O at all?  Have any of you been given restrictions and how restrictive are they?

And yes, I'm too shy to call my doctor to ask in between apts. 

[kellybeth]

my hubby is so busy, too. stayed up until 4am the other night working. he works from home, so i get to see him, make him coffee, meals and tea, steal a smooch, but that's it. libido doesn't really exist until he realizes it does, if that makes sense. 

since we just now have the house to ourself, we'll have to try out some edge positions, though we currently have NO window coverings, so couch is a no-go right now... that would be an eyeful. 

[Adaline'sMama]

It's not happening. I have not felt this unsexy in my whole life. Im measuring about 41 weeks, have really dark stretch marks for the first time ever, and I've been suffering from a lingering cough from a cold. (basically, I am peeing on myself all the freakin time). DH and I have cuddled passionately a few times in the past few weeks, but it's been about 4 weeks since we've dtd. We *always* have sex on Christmas eve, it's our tradition. But, Im not even sure about that.

We are both wanting to do it, but it's been really hard to set the mood. I hurt so badly by the end of the day that Im just not up for nighttime sex, and morning sex is hard when a toddler crawls in your bed everyday at 7 am. So, hopefully we'll find a way to be intimate (even if it's just a little) soon.

Brambleberry, I'd start by attempting "O" on your own and seeing if that triggers anything other than BH (I've had BH everytime I O since 2nd trimester). I'd think that you all would be safe with a condom. DH and I are thinking we'll just do lots of foreplay (b/c let's face it, penetration is really only possible from one position anyway) and then just do a slight amount of penetration and he'll pull out right before O. Condoms hadn't even crossed our mind, but I might suggest that we buy some. Im allergic to latex, and have never really found a great non latex one. 

[Michelle Renee]

I miss it. 

I think between the weight gain and being in the home stretch - it is just not happening.   We are pretty creative people with a pretty good arsenal of accessories /liberators (best things ever for getting into better positioning) so we both are missing it.   Even rolling over in bed is uncomfortable - my hips/groin hurt all the time/  I told my husband he needs to build me a Rotisserie to rotate me from left to right...

[HouseofPeace]

O causes sometimes BH that last for minutes.  and ongoing for a while afterwards- it's kinda funny b/c i work so hard for it, then i just moan about the contraction and am totally useless afterwards as they are STRONG and my entire uterus shrinks dramatically, and they last for up to an hour afterwards.  since i've had 4 full-term births after trying sex to induce unsuccessfully, these just don't worry me at all.  i'm not doing twins or having any other troubling signs though.  so just giving personal feedback.  towards 40+ weeks, it could even stimulate a false labor, but it always went away.  

spooning works fine, but doesn't do it for me position-wise.  i find i'll get a position that works to satisfy me (only slightly awkward and we're ALMOST comfortable) and then my right calf and left thigh will cramp, my hip will feel out of joint, and i'm useless again!

as for all your couples trying to balance exhaustion and work- YES!!!  w/ our first it wasn't an issue, but w/ all the other kids, naptime is the preferred time if we can sneak it in, but otherwise, mornings and nights are both really hard to get working!

i'll be honest, i'm prowling and preying on the man right now b/c i don't know how much longer we have.  i'm constantly making suggestive comments and coming onto him and flirting ridiculously all over the house.  we had a week apart, and it's been slow getting warmed back up after total shutdown, and my last pregnancy the last month was too painful (very dilated and baby head down LOW).  so trying to find a balance that will not make the next 4 months totally dry.  even if i'm not enjoying it that much many of the times, it's easier for me to stay warmed up than to try and get anything going.  and i know well the challenge of post-birth relations and how hard that is for him (NOT ME).  

[odinsmama]

I'm the one with the the incredibly increased drive right now, even if we do have to use the same position every time and my hips or sciatic complain after.
We did get a chance to dtd on the couch last night (family bed here, too) because I'd basically been very obvious about what I wanted for the previous 2 days. He was pretty tired but was into it and it was so worth it. I don't know what's up with my drive but I'm going to try and enjoy it now, since I anticipate being pretty wiped out with the new little one. Who knows, though!

I'm just really looking forward to Christmas since DH will have a week off work after and hopefully won't be so stinking tired. I suppose it's too much to hope the kids will be enjoying new toys so much that we'll have long uninterrupted stretches of time during the day...

[josie423]

No sex here for, well, obvious reasons, and I am really feeling it!  We'd had a very active sex life up until I left, so this is tough for me.

[eminvc]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

It's not happening. I have not felt this unsexy in my whole life. Im measuring about 41 weeks, have really dark stretch marks for the first time ever, and I've been suffering from a lingering cough from a cold. (basically, I am peeing on myself all the freakin time). DH and I have cuddled passionately a few times in the past few weeks, but it's been about 4 weeks since we've dtd. We *always* have sex on Christmas eve, it's our tradition. But, Im not even sure about that.

We are both wanting to do it, but it's been really hard to set the mood. I hurt so badly by the end of the day that Im just not up for nighttime sex, and morning sex is hard when a toddler crawls in your bed everyday at 7 am. So, hopefully we'll find a way to be intimate (even if it's just a little) soon.

Brambleberry, I'd start by attempting "O" on your own and seeing if that triggers anything other than BH (I've had BH everytime I O since 2nd trimester). I'd think that you all would be safe with a condom. DH and I are thinking we'll just do lots of foreplay (b/c let's face it, penetration is really only possible from one position anyway) and then just do a slight amount of penetration and he'll pull out right before O. Condoms hadn't even crossed our mind, but I might suggest that we buy some. Im allergic to latex, and have never really found a great non latex one. 

Ditto. My OB banned sex at the 6-month mark for PTL concerns w/ twins, and I did not object. I also hurt at the end of the day, and work during the day so mornings really can't happen...but I think about it a lot. I'm looking forward to it soon!

[rachieface]

We're mostly doing missionary with me slightly tilted with pillows under one side. My back can usually hold out as long as it doesn't take too long. But I've started getting leg cramps during, and that is no fun!

[loveandgarbage]

I haven't been in the mood at all recently. It's funny for me to compare how I've felt with my other pregnancies to this one. With DS1 I wanted it all the time, with DS2 it was on and off but mostly on, and with this one I've had my lowest libido yet. Most positions are still comfortable for me, my body doesn't hurt too much, and I feel attractive... I just don't want to! We actually had sex today (snowday so DH was home in the morning and the kids were watching a movie) and once we started I just wanted to get it over with!

[cortinacolorado]

Originally Posted by Brambleberry 

The last time we dtd, I had a worrisome series of several little contractions one after another for about an hour afterwards.  I told my FPD this at the end of my last prenatal with her, and she thought we should abstain because of how semen ripens the cervix and all, and I'm at risk for PTL (only risk factor being the twins, I went to 41w5d with DD).  Suddenly what seemed like a hassle is getting more and more tempting every day LOL.  I didn't get a chance to ask any follow up questions like, is it o.k. with a condom, or non-penetrative?  Am I not allowed to O at all?  Have any of you been given restrictions and how restrictive are they?

We were put on total restriction at 26.5 wks due to a ptl scare, but a couple of weeks later the sentence was reduced to nothing penetrative. I know the concern wasn't semen ripening my cervix, as my partner's a woman...so I'm not sure whether the condom would help matters. For us, at least, even strong O hasn't led to anything more than BH and I'm now getting to the point where I'm starting to feel confident enough to maybe try a little bit of shallow penetration (nowhere near the cervix). That might be more difficult to manage with a male partner, though!

Honestly, I'd recommend you experiment with masturbation so that you feel free to stop on a moment's notice if need be without any hurt feelings. See how that goes, then if O itself seems comfortable take this opportunity to enjoy all the other creative ways that you and your partner can enjoy sex without actually putting anything inside your vagina. Good luck!

[MnJ3]

I have had mad crazy cravings to make love, but then again the different shifts DH works its really hard to sneak in a great forplay session and wonderful lovemaking....We try the best we can with the wake time he has....The positions well I have never been crazy about him being on top at all I'd rather be on top....He trys to switch and me lay on my back but my big ol' tummy feels like he is smothering it bad...So as long as I can have it my way on top and he don't feel like he is smothered as well guess we will enjoy every moment...I hope everyone finds a way for them and their spouses to enjoy what a special moment it is....No it's not all about making love some can snuggle and be fine, but I'm not that way I start remenising of times we have in the past and that does it for me I'm ready to make love....

[loveandgarbage]

Originally Posted by rachieface 

We're mostly doing missionary with me slightly tilted with pillows under one side. My back can usually hold out as long as it doesn't take too long. But I've started getting leg cramps during, and that is no fun!

Oh god, leg cramps! That totally happened to me today, too.

[HouseofPeace]

Originally Posted by rachieface 

We're mostly doing missionary with me slightly tilted with pillows under one side. My back can usually hold out as long as it doesn't take too long. But I've started getting leg cramps during, and that is no fun!

this is my preferred position, but not his as it's a lot of work to not crush the belly.  and it's usually with the leg cramps.  sooooooo not funny!!!  and yet, so funny.

pillow under hips has helped a lot.  me on top sometimes works, but it's not MY preferred position.  and right now, it's been really ineffective.  grrrrrrrrr....  and still get leg cramps!!!

[Imakcerka]

Can't do it.  I get all achy for a few hours after.  Like my vagina is going to explode.  So sucky.

[buko]

We gave the ramp and wedge another go...  I do find it helps to lean my forearms on the ramp (with the slim part of the angle in front of me), for, er, rear-entry.  The wedge kind of works to prop my hips by itself for something like missionary (rabbit ears?  LOL).  I think I'm a little disappointed so far in the Liberator stuff, but like I said in the other thread, I think it might work better if your partner with the penetrative equipment is taller than my DH, who is only 5'5".  It's a matter of where the penetrator's hips hit.  We will keep giving other positions a try though-- both now and when I don't have this big ol' belly! 

What's been interesting to me...  I had a m/c with my first pregnancy, just before this one.  I tried to O solo to help with the cramps, and each time (twice), it actually caused a big contraction and expulsion of a lot of material (which was good for me-- I knew I was m/c, and this helped it along naturally).  But during this whole pregnancy, neither solo Os nor sex with "prostaglandin application" has done anything.  Not even painless BH, at least not that I can detect.  It seems to lull baby to sleep, though-- probably all the motion and whatnot.    I guess I'm lucky, because that seems pretty textbook, right?  Sex and/or O is supposed to help when you're close to delivery, and not do much when you're not.  Of course, that's not going to be true for everyone, but it's been true for me, anyway.