I am trying to conceive my second child. I had a miscarriage back in May of this year and have been blindly TTC for the last few months. I thought I had enough information, but now I feel plain dumb that I haven't read all of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" until now. It was so easy for us to conceive the first time around that I guess I was hoping for another easy go round. Not so this time. This month I thought we had sex right when I was ovulating, but no go. Well, actually, I think I just got my period (on day 31), but my period has of late been really light for 3 days or so and then really comes on. I also got my period at 25 days last month when I am normally right on a 28 day schedule, so I am confused and worried. Part of me still wonders if I could be pregnant with spotting, but my miscarriage was full of spotting and I couldn't bear another miscarriage.
I don't talk about it with many people. I have friends who had trouble conceiving but they are home nursing newborns right now, so I don't want to bug them with this. Plus, I feel like I shouldn't really discuss it with anyone... maybe superstitious? Or I want it to happen and then surprise people?? I am thinking about it CONSTANTLY. I barely talk about it with my husband either. I do a little, but he doesn't want it as much as I do, and he doesn't really get it... the longing nor the inner workings of a woman's body.
I go back and forth between being overly confident that I will get pregnant to being completely depressed that I am now 35 (almost 36) and somehow my body is turning on me and I can't have that other child I so desperately want. I feel so blessed for my 3.5 year old daughter, but I am one of many siblings and can't imagine her not having one. She will tell me, "Mommy, I am ready to be a big sister".
I almost broke down at the dentist office today when updating my medical records and adding miscarriage to the records. I would have been due now.
Anyway, I feel awkward talking with others about this all, but I obviously need to. Hoping to find some support here.
Thanks for letting me vent a little...