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Am I wrong to want my boyfriend to be more involved in my sons life? - Page 2

post #21 of 30

Yes he did sign up for that. 'In sickness and in health....'    

Quote:
Originally Posted by pek64 View Post
  She ended up having to arrange for her grown son to go to her house every day to help her get out of bed, because her husband "hadn't signed up for that" when he married her. 
post #22 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by contactmaya View Post

Yes he did sign up for that. 'In sickness and in health....'    


I agree. Those were his words, though. They're separated now, no real surprise.
post #23 of 30

I think its too soon at 5 months for your son to be alone with a boyfriend. So, truthfully, I'm kinda relieved that he said no. Your son doesnt need to feel like a liability to anyone and he probably would've sensed from your BF that he wasnt really welcomed that day anyway.

 

From your post though, it sounds like you're coming to his place every weekend, making life completely easy for him. He sounds pretty self-centered, which is not at all a good sign. He also has made it pretty clear that there's an expiration date on this relationship unless you're willing to solo parent permanently. I also think with guys, it has to be on their terms or they can feel as if you're forcing them into a certain role. The right guy will offer to do things with your son and it will melt your heart.

 

That said, I think you have to be careful about exposing your son to the men you date within the first 3-6 months because this is usually around the time when a person's true character is coming out. Anyone can be amazing over a 3 month period. My mom is an amazing mother who divorced when I was 8 and my sister and I have met quite a few men over that period. My mom was a serial monogamist (so was my dad, actually). It really caused my sister issues as she tended to attach to these guys, unbeknownst to any of us. I went the other way and didn't allow anyone in because in my mind, these were temporary relationships anyway. I'm not saying you're like my parents of course, as this is probably the only guy he's met. I'm just putting it out there, is all!

post #24 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by DCMama01 View Post

That said, I think you have to be careful about exposing your son to the men you date within the first 3-6 months because this is usually around the time when a person's true character is coming out. Anyone can be amazing over a 3 month period. My mom is an amazing mother who divorced when I was 8 and my sister and I have met quite a few men over that period. My mom was a serial monogamist (so was my dad, actually). It really caused my sister issues as she tended to attach to these guys, unbeknownst to any of us. I went the other way and didn't allow anyone in because in my mind, these were temporary relationships anyway. I'm not saying you're like my parents of course, as this is probably the only guy he's met. I'm just putting it out there, is all!

This is really helpful to me. I wondered why other single moms said not to introduce boyfriends to kids right away, and you explain why really well here. Thanks! 

post #25 of 30

If he really cares about your family, he would get involved the fact your in a relationship with him means he should, its give and take
 

post #26 of 30

You are not wrong to want a man who will be involved with your whole family.

 

This one is telling you very clearly that he is not that man.

post #27 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain optimism View Post

This is really helpful to me. I wondered why other single moms said not to introduce boyfriends to kids right away, and you explain why really well here. Thanks! 

 

Np, I'm just relieved that you werent offended as it wasnt my intention. Happy New Years!

post #28 of 30

Others have already said it, I'm sorry but I also agree that your BF is totally a big "NO".

If he can't love your blood and fresh, how can you say he really love you?

Don't worry there are so many guys out there and they would even be so happy to be your "SON's FATHER" and not just your date.

It's his lost, not yours!  joy.gif

post #29 of 30

i too think it would be too soon to for a BF to be alone with your son, honestly I personally would not introduce a new partner at all though before 6 months. Your BF is right though, he is dating you, not you and your son. 5 months is still so early in a relationship. Many guys struggle with raising other peoples children so if this continues to be an issue in that he is not interested in the whole package then I would say it is not a good match. You need to find a different person to rely on in times like these. Can the sitter drop off your son if you are sick? or do you have a friend, neighbor, etc who could do it?

 

I put the morality clause in my divorce decree, to protect my children from xh and myself. My children have no business meeting anyone either me or their father are dating for the first 6 months after our divorce, so I am probably a little biased in that you should be getting to know your BF without your DS around and your DS should be getting most your attention when he is in your care.

post #30 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post

Err, someone who is telling you that he is not interested in raising your son with you should be believed. And you shouldn't expose your son to someone who wants to monopolize your attention and ignore your child. That's not cool.

 

Feel free to ignore me and think I don't know what I'm talking about. But I would walk fast if a guy told me that.

 

 

ditto.

 

But only 5 months of dating and a man who has no children of his own. I can sort of see where he is coming from too. Give it time mabye? But not too much.

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