Proposing to boyfriend --- « Back to Group Discussions

[cynthiamoon]

Has anyone been both pregnant and engaged at once? 

I need advice on some radical moves I'm getting ready to lay down over here, and I'd love the perspective of some other women who've been engaged and pregnant before.

So, our little babe was a surprise, and although telling my BF went over incredibly well, the saddest thing to me was when he said that he had been thinking about proposing and of us getting married next year. It was sad because I could tell that now he feared that people would think it was because I got pregnant. I told him I'd been feeling ready to say "yes" if he did propose, and that I was feeling disappointed about sharing baby news instead of engagement news over the holidays.

We know both of our families and friends are just waiting for our engagement.

They love us and each other and it's just "what's next" in all our minds. 

Flash forward a month, and well, keep in mind that I don't want a ring and my BF is less than theatrical, so I never expected a big scenic engagement moment, but I also didn't expect all this middling non-comittal talk about it.

After a few conversations about telling people we're expecting and engaged in the same moment, we haven't talked about it, and I have no reason to believe he is planning on proposing before we tell family and friends over Christmas. And for a series of reasons, we do need to tell them soon, even though I'm not 12wks 'till the end of Jan. 

Personally, I want to announce this baby alongside our announcement of committing to each other as a family-- as husband and wife. I'm traditional enough to want that, but progressive enough to get it by proposing myself. I just don't think it's really fair that men get to set the timeline for this when we don't even believe he should be the "head of the household" anyway. 

So what do you think? Should I do it? Will he take me seriously as the "asker"? IS THIS GENIUS OR MADNESS? 

Oh, and additional details of relevance:

We're 25 and 27, financially healthy, together 2 years and living together for 6 months, and DEEPLY, SERIOUSLY in love. 

And I already have my proposal speech written out... I can post it for the curious!! 

[heyitskalista]

My husband proposed to me just after we had our first baby. So technically I wasn't engaged and pregnant. But I started planning our wedding while pregnant since we had decided we were going to get married well before he actually gave me a ring. I don't know if he planned on actually proposing until I told him I really wanted him to make it official, you know. He did it and it was simple and perfect! I think when you talk about it and agree its the next step, they sometimes feel like they're off the hook for the big proposal thing.

I think if you want to propose, you should! I think it's cool! How do you think he would take it?

[rainbownurse]

my older sister got engaged after she got pregnant and nobody thought it was because of the baby. They got married after the baby was born. 
I know my husband would have been a bit upset if I had proposed to him, but he had it all planned out, so I'm not sure. I guess it depends how well you know your guy, you know him better than I do. If your family and close friends love you and know that you want to be together, and they not its not "because of the baby" who cares what other people think? you guys will know that you want to spend your lives together, and although you are doing it in a bit different order, you're already well on your way to starting that life. 

[InLove2009]

My husband proposed to me when we graduated High School. I asked him what he would have thought if I would have proposed. He said he would have been happy not to have to worry about how to propose and how to ask lol. He would have not been upset. If you want tp get married, ask! I would. I think it doesn't have to be the man to propose anymore. 

[howeberry]

Not speaking from personal experience here, but I do have a friend who became pregnant, engaged shortly after, and through together an awesome wedding in 6 weeks or so. Their family's opinion was "it's about time!" They paid for the wedding themselves, so it wasn't a lavish event, but it was cozy, fun and completely them. She's due in May. If you have your mind made up, ask him!

I didn't ask my husband to marry me, but I did ask him out. In my experience, it takes forever to get men to do many things on their own ;)

[Ruheling]

I'm not in your boots, but this is DEFINITELY a conversation I'd have with your boyfriend. Maybe even ask him to read what you wrote, since it seems very well thought out and articulate. I know my now-husband would have been hurt if he hadn't gotten to propose. I actually hadn't thought he was ready to get engaged when we did, but he'd had a plan for months and the timing of it was important to him.

Given the people in my area/experience, I honestly figure that if someone gets pregnant, then engaged/married, it's just that pregnancy drove the timing, not that they're worried about scandal or something and weren't interested in marriage. And even if they think that, what's the harm there? You two know where you are, who you are, and what your relationship means to you.

Regardless what you decide, best of luck to you!

[NorthernFamily]

Well we were engaged prior to getting pregnant with DD (born in 8/10) and just got married, legally, this last summer. 

I say do what's best for you and him! If it doesn't bother you to propose, and you don't think it would bother him too terribly much, I say go for it lady.

Much love to you all!

[cynthiamoon]

We ended up having a big blended conversation/proposal scenario that will be impossible to sum up for all those in our lives who ask "So how did he propose?" LOL! 

I actually wish I HAD just formally proposed like I had envisioned, but I chickened out and ended up with that mess instead. Oh well. 

What really matters is that we are on the same page on where our relationship is going, and know our families all know how we feel too! It feels great. 

[Ruheling]

@Cynthiamoon. Many congratulations! Nothing wrong with a conversation like that. In fact, I suspect that most folks had a conversation like that at some point during the process (goodness knows I did --similar to most of my friends).

[dayiscoming2006]

Congrats. I was wondering how that worked out for ya. :)