Wait this is your minister and his wife???
Guess they missed the part about forgiveness huh?
IMO- values/moral shouldn't change depending what hat you are wearing, sadly many do live double lives
with many professions sometimes friendships can't not coexist .......... many a bad hair cut has cost a friendship!
FWIW, I think if you give it a couple of weeks it might not be as big of a deal as it feels right now.
I was not there, so I can't tell tone, but some of the things that have you feeling upset and judged and gossiped about may not be what they seem. The people laughing and knowing about drawing all over the room - it is possible they shared the story. It is sort of funny. I picture people laughing knowingly - understanding that kids do crazy things. My DS feels horrible if people laugh at something he has done, even if it is like that. I don't do it, and people don't do it often, but I don't get upset with them for it. I explain to him later why people would laugh about something like that, but I also empathize with his feelings.
About the kid - well, I'd be sure to hammer it into my kid that they were not to do that if it had happened around them. If my child did that, or their friend, it would have taken a lot of time to draw that much. I would want my child to KNOW they were to stop it and talk to me if anything like that started another time - not just watch and let their friend get into trouble. Also, sometimes kids are terribly rude and repeat things they shouldn't. It's just the way kids talk, though. This other child was likely not trying to shame your DD, and her repeating the "don't write on the walls" thing to your DD doesn't mean she was told it more than once, it just means she is a repeater.
The monitor - possible that the parent was trying to make it EASY for you to watch your DD and be able to stay at the party visiting with the adults? It may have been offered out of consideration for you and how you might feel after something like this (like you would need/want to watch like a hawk).
The crayons - that's the only one that I'm not sure I get. But some people are uptight. Maybe the Dad is just super annoyed about the mess, and didn't want to be worried on NYE, so he took away anything that might cause trouble at all (and wasn't graceful about it). I can see wanting to have the possible issues put away and being annoyed if they weren't. I tend to do a lot of "pre-sorting" when people come to my house. If there are any boisterous kids coming, I put away many things that my kids can play with indoors (because I don't want to be annoyed or upset that some child is booting a ball around my living room, for instance). If I miss something in my pre-sorting, but notice it later, I will make the item disappear as quietly as I can. I can see my DH, on the other hand, telling a kid - no, you can't have that in my house - and just taking it away. He isn't as attuned to small kids as a mom would be.
I hope that helps and that you do step back a bit before you worry too much about the relationship. Sometimes a few weeks needs to pass for things to blow over and be done with and things can be normal again.