IVF Mamas - Can you help me support my sister in law?

[OSUvet]

Hi ladies. My sister in law is 33 and will be having IVF in 3 weeks. I I know I don't need to explain to you all how emotional and difficult this road has been for her. I am here to ask for advice in supporting her. I should have done this earlier but although she is generally a very open person and we get along well, she has been very closed about her struggle, mostly for the obvious reason that it is just really hard for her to talk about. She came out and told the family a couple weeks ago that they would be attempting IVF next month. I love her and I just want to support her in the best and most thoughtful way possible.

To complicate things in some way, I am currently pregnant with #2 and have been very lucky not go through the same struggles. She has been very very wonderful and asks me about my pregnancy, the new baby, and loves playing with her nephew. I try to be conscious of what she is going through, but I'm not sure the right things to say or do - if anything at all. I know how anxious I have been at the beginning of my pregnancies (I have had one mc), and I can only imagine how difficult the next few weeks will be for her with the anticipation, praying for a bfp, and then the uncertainty of early pregnancy. If there is anything I can do to be a supportive and loving sister in law, I will!

I think I am starting to ramble, but I am just hoping that some BTDT mamas or those who can relate will offer their honest advice. TIA!

[deborahbgkelly]

The best thing you can do is tell her that, if she wants to talk about it, you are there for her. Do not pressure her to share though. It is extremely challenging. i am a pretty open person, but not everyone is.

[Cate02]

Everyone is different, but when I was going through IVF, people were supportive, but concerned and worried about me. The nicest thing someone did for me was the receptionist at my dentist's office. When I told her I was concerned about novacaine because I was undergoing IVF treatment, she joyously exclaimed, CONGRATULATIONS! How exciting! I'm so happy for you!"

I thought that was the kindest and sweetest response. My advice is to be upbeat and supportive as well as joyous--because she is probably not going to get that at the IVF office. My clinic was filled with really sad-looking people. The receptionists were all overworked and not happy. It's a very tense environment and that's where I had to go every morning. My husband went with me for my blood tests every morning "for luck" and that's a sweet gesture if you live close by.

There is a huge learning curve with IVF. You learn much more about your reproductive organs than you ever wanted to know. Your SIL may want to talk about her blood tests, her follicle count, the quality of her embryos, and all the research she's doing (my friend did that). I wanted to NOT talk about the IVF when I wasn't at the clinic. Take her lead.

She may want you there for her surgery and embryo transfer--if so, keep her upbeat--and maybe bring her and your brother meals during the first few days. I hope this is helpful. It's wonderful that you want to be there for her. She's very lucky. Message me if you have any other questions. I did IVF twice and was successful the second time. It's not a fun process, but very worth it! Good luck!

[OSUvet]

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate your words and the time taken to reply!

[OSUvet]

Hi Ladies, I just wanted to update that my SIL just got her first + pg test! I am so excited for her and praying for sticky babies!

[deborahbgkelly]

That's wonderful news! Please continue to keep us posted.

[deborahbgkelly]

That's wonderful news! Please continue to keep us posted.

[toothfairy2be]

Congrats to her! She is lucky to ave famly that cares so much!

[OSUvet]

Thanks ladies! She saw one healthy little heart beat at her 6 week ultrasound yesterday. We are thrilled for her and continuing to pray that this little one will be strong and healthy!