Any tips on effectively communicating with hubby when hormonal..?? « Back to Group Discussions

[AnahataChakra]

Ok so this has happened every pregnancy.  At the end when my hormones go crazy and I am wanting him to help me or in some cases just do something on my list before baby comes, we get into a huge fight.  This weekend I was feeling like I really wanted to get some things done and he was really feeling like he wanted to relax and I felt like I was going to attack him and of course I did when he said no to a couple things..huge fight.  We are over it and he did end up doing it but it was ugly and I just don't want our lead up to baby to be like this.  Any ideas?  Also why I am I nesting so hard core I am only 36 weeks this weekend!  

[rudhaen]

That is tough!  It's so hard not to get emotional about needing things done before the baby.  Would he respond well to a list at the beginning of the weekend and then a little grace period to relax before you remind him of what needs to be done?  I have to prep my husband several times before he actually gets into gear to do anything he doesn't want to do, and sometimes it STILL doesn't get done, so I certainly don't have this figured out.  But I know I feel less stressed out when I've made my expectations/desires clear, whether or not he gets on it in a timely manner.

[ella'smommy]

I'm also 36 weeks and feeling the time crunch, I am scheduled for a repeat c-section in 9 days. I have been biting my tongue a lot lately to not bite his head off too for the same reasons you listed. Stuff needs to get done, and at this point he needs to do it! I think I am going to take the previous posters advice and make a list and hand it to him. Tonight after dinner (most of which I cooked, grrrr) and it was time for my DD to take a bath I was at the end of my rope and told him that I have 9 days left and I am taking vacation time so it's his turn to take over around the house! (At least I felt better saying it ). Now I am going to make that list.
 

[AnahataChakra]

I lost it at bath time a couple nights ago too when I had to beg him to do it and wash their hair...my god the drama!

Yes good advice about the list!  I am going to make one too.

[Anilia]

My husband and I have a little trigger phrase (which evolved naturally, but you could always make one up) that lets us know the other one is being unreasonable.  It is best if it is something silly, over the top.  You'd have to talk it out before using it.  It sounds like you might be able to say something like, "I know I've asked you 600 gazillion times, but..." and then go into it.  That way he knows you are tired of asking but you know you couldn't have asked that many times.  The trick is to say it nicely with a big smile.  It is the way to say- "this is important to me, even if it isn't to you.  I am important to you, so I know you will handle it."  And then thank him for doing whatever right after asking for it, as if it is already done.  Then thank him again afterwards, even if you feel like it took forever or you shouldn't have too.

My husband and I use the phrase, "I stayed up all night trying to figure out what would piss you off and this is what I came up with-"  Clearly, no one puts that much effort in to angering their partner.  They just also don't put that much effort into making their partner happy. :)    We now almost always dissolve into giggles when we have to pull this phrase out.  

Also, I am seeing an acupuncturist and chinese medicine person who makes me a nicer person to my son, who is three and just doesn't get when to back off.  :) So drugs and needles help too. :)

[Tbutton]

I totally understand the dilemma. I try to be honest and look for his sympathy rather than trying to convince him to see things my way. In other words, if I really want something done, I wouldn't dare start out with a tone or words that insinuate he should have been doing it already or an I'm right- you're wrong kind of situation. Instead I just tell him I'm very emotional/ hormonal- I'm nesting hardcore- and I just can't shake how important this is to me. So do you think you could think of some way to help me get this done within such and such amount of time. And I try to remain honestly open to him helping by either doing it himself or facilitating a way for me to do it that's easier than normal (helping with DD while I get stuff done, etc). Or even letting him tell me it's okay to let it go! Telling him how important it is to me moves him way more than me insinuating he doesn't care enough, doesn't help enough, etc. (which would be easy for me to think at times). I also try to remember that he honestly is more rational than I am and it's okay to take his lead on what things are okay to let go. So yeah, I just try to make it about me when we talk and not about him! And to be fair, he never demands or insinuates that I should do more, and I can't say I'd respond well if he did, so it seems fair that I don't go there either. It's so hard to keep these hormones in check, though!!