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Just venting

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

We're visiting my parents in another city; my BIL and SIL were over here for Christmas dinner with their newborn baby (12 weeks old). SIL is nursing her on a schedule!

 

I am still nursing my 12-month-old and so kept letting down because the baby was hunger crying all the time, being walked up and down the hallway by BIL to distract her because it wasn't "time" to eat yet.

 

WTF WTF WTF WTF where is she getting these wacky ideas?

 

I just locked myself in a room and said I was tired. Not sure how to deal with this, quite frankly. My heart was breaking for the little newborn girl. I forgot they cried when they were hungry like that. My body was still physically responding. I wanted to take the baby and feed her myself.

 

I guess I just need hugs? Ugh.

post #2 of 4

you never know, she may have never heard anything else about feeding, you might give her the benefit of the doubt and see if maybe she is just getting ll her info from a bad doc or another family member.  i think most folks are distressed when their babies are  and she may love to hear  that is it totally ok to tend to her child in a different way.

 

the other thing is what kind of schedule it is? its one thing to want to be on a strict schedule, as long as it is frequent enough than at least its ok in some sort of way, but if she also has strange notions as to how long to go between feeding then she is failing to meet the nutritional needs of her baby and the baby will have artificially induced "failure to thrive" and then she will get told to supplement and and and.... i have seen 2 cases of this personally in the past 2 years that i have feed my twins, both mothers were beyond distraught when i explained to them that they could have just fed ever 90 min because that is how fast bm is digested. they had been told and had no reason to know it was wrong, that the baby should be able to go 3 hours!!

post #3 of 4
It's tough being a new mom. I recall all sorts of people telling me what I should and shouldn't do. It's overwhelming when you're trying to do what you're supposed to do, but don't even really know what that is. It sounds like an awful situation for everyone, new mom and dad, baby, and you.
In your situation I would have had to speak up, and really try to talk with and support new mum. I'd have definitely spoken up about my own breastfeeding relationship, and how I fed far more frequently, because of how quickly bm is digested. Maybe point her toward mothering as a source of info...
It's possible I'd have offended everyone involved, but I tend to be a rabblerouser and accept the consequences.
post #4 of 4

My thoughts are with you. My heart breaks when I hear that crying, it is instinct to put baby to the breast. Western culture though is so wrought with medical advice and 'experts' who do what they can to minimize feedings. Where as in traditonal cultures, babies cry for less than ten minutes per day. Mother, aunt, even grandma on occasion, has put baby to the breast (but primarily mother). I am sorry that you are going through this. I would imagine mom's heart is breaking too, so sad that advice of others often trumps maternal instinct. Mammals who carry (versus cache) their young, average 4 feeds per hour,  2 times in the very least. Breastmilk composition just does not support infrequent feeds. The fat/protein/carb ratio of carrying mammals is so different of those who cache their young for hours.

Hugs, I know your heart must be breaking.

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