Helping my dad get comfortable with my homebirth

[LeighPF]

We told my parents a few days ago about the new babe in the oven and our plan to have him/her at home.

My dad suggested the hospital route, come home the next day with baby as a good idea. "No muss, no fuss". I did this last time with Bee at the hospital birth center and while it was good, I think a HB will be better. Hospital still had a muss and fuss for me (damn 20 of monitoring in the tiny room)

It is not a safety thing, I think and he was born at home (actually an aunts house, post war UK, very "Call the Midwife") My mum thinks he just does not want to be around (and I respect that)

My parents would need to fly in and I love having my Mum around. Both my parents are the ideal post partum guests (the cook, they clean, they snuggle baby while I nap and take natural light photos, my dad built a deck last time). I would love my Dad to meet baby once we are tucked in bed and he would be great at watching my older kids.

So I am looking for ideas. How have other peoples dads done well with homebirth?

[MeepyCat]

My dad gets nervous when I eat sushi.  There are lots of adventures that he only hears about when they're over.

I don't know that I would worry so much about talking him around because, when it comes down to it, this is your choice, and extensive discussion seems to me like a way to get into the kind of family argument where someone thinks they have input and they really don't.

[LeighPF]

For me, this is more how do I help him get comfortable being here (but not necessarily in the house) so I can have him here before and after.

[nilatti]

Could he maybe plan to leave the house once things get rolling? Maybe if you made it clear that you don't expect him to participate...I mean, what it sounds like you're saying is he wants you to leave your house and go to the hospital so he won't be near the actual birthing. Maybe *he* could leave instead. Could you plan for him to spend a night at a B&B or take your other kids somewhere?

[kdorrain]

Could he be in charge of the other kidlets?  I know I'm trying to plan for what to do with those pretty needy rascals when it's time.  I'd love for my big kids to be there, but I couldn't even have hyperemesis in peace...as they clustered around the toilet "why are you throwing up mama?  can I have a cookie, mama? mama, why aren't you talking to me?"    Maybe he should plan to coral the other kids and get them settled/away/fed whatever.  Then he can show up with them when the fun is over.

Kristine

[Ma Cactus]

If he is a 'research' type, maybe getting him a copy of some evidence based birthing research would help change his mind about the risks involved?  For a certain type of mind, science is very convincing. 

My own Dad was at my house but not planning to participate, but at the end, he and my husband were the ones lifting me into a squat for every contraction when I no longer had the strength to raise myself.  He would not have missed that for anything, and the recollection of the two of them literally supporting me is a very powerful and dear one. 

[Silverring]

Wow Ma Cactus.  That's a powerful story.  Thanks for sharing it.

If it's just about him not wanting to be there, is there someone nearby he could stay with during the labour?

[LDoulaSteph]

DH's dad told him that "he needs to talk his wife out of this crazy homebirth idea" DH proceeded to tell him all the pro's of homebirth and in the end FIL was totally on the homebirth is better train. If it's not the safety thing then maybe you could get him with the comfort aspect?

[LeighPF]

We talked some more and he has taken the "I don't agree with you, but I love you and will support you" path, which is great. He will have more time off and is talking about coming out for three weeks so I have help when ever I need it. Also coming out in the spring so he can build me things without making a mess near birth time.