wantingt to UC, DH not.....

[Precious333]

Helo everyone. I am pregnant with our fourth baby. I would really like to UC this itme. I loved having a midwife with out last two births, but we just can't afford it and I had a really bad hospital experienced birth with our first.  If anyone has any great info or anything to help convinced my DH, please share! He was so great at the other births, quick to think on his feet and very proactive, that I think he wil be great.  I think the problem is that our first birth shook him up a bit that he is scared that something may happen. I barely got our first homebirth because of it.  If anyone has any info, please share :)

[MeepyCat]

In the event that there is an emergency at your next birth, if you're unassisted, your husband is the guy who has to cope with it.  He'd have to keep it together, and somehow do whatever was necessary for both of you, possibly while dealing with the already external kids, and calling for help.  If he's saying he's not comfortable in that role, I think you have to respect that he has that limit.  Some people can get past that kind of thing with training (and some can get past it, with training, so long as they're not emotionally involved), and some genuinely can't.  

[Devaskyla]

Sorry, after my hospital birth resulted in an unnecessary cesarean and a year long physical recovery (even longer  emotionally), dh was willing to go along with whatever I wanted for birth. I had actually wanted a UC with our first, but he wanted to be in a hospital since it was our first. He might have compromised with a midwife at home, but none were within a 5 hour drive. Anyway, I was"lucky" that our hospital experience was so bad that it pushed him into being willing to do whatever I needed. He's still terrified every time, though.

[Precious333]

Our birth did not end up in a C-sec, but I did have to go to the OR because my uterus was inverted and my son had to go to NICU because he was not breathing and his heart rate dropped. The OB used a vacuum and then manually removed my placenta.

As far as a UC goes, I would not expect him to handle me and all the kids at once. WE would either have my mom watch the kids or something like that, and I was thinking we could have a friend come over maybe to help, if anyone was willing....not sure yet about all the details. I think if we did have to go to the hospital I may just show up pushing lol.

[salr]

Ideas:  If you've had two uncomplicated births with homebirth midwives since the first scary experience, maybe focus on that?  How far are you from a hospital in case of emergency?  Make a list of all the support that you do have (like you did above).  Talk to him about what your expectations for him would be.  Are there any UC friendly doulas/midwives/parents you and your husband could talk to?

It sounds like you think he'd be a great candidate for being a UC dad, but that the main problem is just one bad experience.  How can you best address that?  Look up what to do in an emergency, maybe?