How to introduce child to school the AP way?

[MiddleRiverMama]

Hi all,

Hoping for some advice here.... My 2.5 year old starts at a small montessori preschool on Jan 8 for the first time. It's just two and a half hours a day, three days a week. Up until now, he's been home alone with a nanny or a family member, so this will be his first time "alone" in a group setting with other kids. He loves kids and is not shy at all, so I think he will do great once he adjusts. However, I do think it will be a really big adjustment for him in the beginning. I'd like to make the transition as gradual and gentle as possible for him. The school gets it and even said I could stay on the first day while he gets to know everyone, and maybe do abbreviated sessions on the next couple days.

I was just hoping to get the thoughts of others as to the best way to ease a child into school gently and hopefully without tears? Do others like the idea of me staying at the school on the first day? Any other suggestions?

Thanks!

[transylvania_mom]

I also put both my dk in preschool at 2.5-3 y/o. What I did was getting them excited about school, letting them wear their backpack at home, role-playing about how I was going to say bye-bye and they were going to play with their schoolmates. I also told them I wasn't allowed to stay with them and the school was only for them and their friends.

I would recommend you don't stay the first day, otherwise he will get the impression you can stay with him all the time. I would just give dd a quick hug and told her I'll be back soon, and was out of there as quick as possible. If he sees you cheerful and excited about it, he will be too. If the teachers are experienced and you trust them, they will know how to entertain him. Most kids are doing fine at preschool or daycare; saying good-bye to the parents is the hardest part, so I would make it as short as possible.
 

[Peony]

I have done the very gradual into to preschool, staying with them, long drop offs, gradual goodbyes, etc... I don't recommend it. It is actually counterproductive to everything you believe. When you go to drop off, do just that, drop off quickly and leave. Hanging out can built up the anxiety that my mom is going to leave but when, you are just prolonging it. If they never realize that mom can stay, I won't say that it won't stop separation anxiety because it probably doesn't but reasoning at 2.5 is impossible. They don't understand why you stayed yesterday but not today. Remember that generally the tears are brief and it is very common for them to cry at drop off and then again at pick up when they have been fine the entire time in between. I keep drop offs to 5 minutes or less and this is going from someone who used to spend HOURS upon hours hanging out at the preschool for my second child. I'd hang out at drop off and come early, or randomly pop in to check on her. It majorly back fired on me and we dealt with months of severe separation anxiety to the point where I ended up having to pull her out and try again several month laters where then I adapted the short and sweet motto. Go in, put stuff away, put them at an activity, say good bye and walk out. It did this stating at day 1 with #3 and of course he is a different kid but he still doesn't know that I can stay any longer then that and we've never experienced the agony that we did with DD2. He tells me to go away if he happens to see me during the day at school when it is not regular pick up time! With the program only being 2.5 hours long, I wouldn't do any shorter days then that either. 

[JudiAU]

Having done it twice, I honestly think prolonged transitions are worse for many kids and are usually for the parents. Do what you say, have confidence in the place your children go, talk opening about what will happen, and leave. If you don't trust the staff to help with transitions how will your daughter?

[MiddleRiverMama]

Thanks so much for all the advice! The fast transition is making a lot of sense.

[JessieBird]

I agree that drawn-out transitions are confusing and difficult. I think that shorter days/weeks could be okay in the beginning, but not long good-byes or staying on the first day. I'm actually surprised that the school would suggest this. You could ask his teacher(s) what they have observed as the most successful way to get started, they will have seen it over and over and may have tips that are particular to how they organize the day. Whatever your drop off routine and daily schedule becomes, you should be decisive and consistent from day 1 (open to change if it really doesn't go well of course). 

Once your child is comfortable at school and confident on his own, you both may like it if there are opportunities for you to help out around school, thus bridging home/school/work life. My DS1 goes to a part time nursery school that requires parents to "take a shift" once every 8 weeks or so, and welcomes additional parent and sibling volunteer involvement. Not all schools allow this but it was an important reason I chose this preschool. Though it was a little weird for him at first, DS1 soon understood that mummy (with DS2 in tow) is there to work to help everyone at school and not to hang out with him in particular. We do our own things (he is building with blocks, while I am cleaning toilets down the hall ) but I don't shy away from giving him a squeeze from time to time, or doing other little things to let him know that I'm there and that we are connected. I really like that we can make school a family affair, that school/home/community are all integrated, and hope that I can find ways to carry this through as he goes on to "bigger kid school" in two years (a Montessori that is also cooperative in nature). It feels like a very natural extension of our AP approaches at home with the added benefit that it will make the transition easier for DS2 when it is his turn.

I hope all goes well next week! It will probably be easier for him than for you!

[milk monster]

Haven't started DS at school yet, but the short am sweet advice sounds very wise to me. Remember, a few tears at separation are normal, and show that your DK is securely attached and sad to see you go. It doesn't mean DK won't enjoy preschool--and maybe even be sad to leave beloved friends and teachers at the end of the day!

When I see the difference in social skills btw two-year-olds who go to daycare or preschool and two-year-olds who don't, I have to think that, at a loving and secure place, preschool is really good for them.

[bellyfruit]

I agree with the previous posters.  Your child will be reading you for how to act in a new situation.  Confidence, trust and an easy-going demeanor help show that this is a safe, fun place and you are comfortable with him there.  I nursed my first child's reluctance too much and learned that what she needed from me was to show her how to transition- not to prolong her uncertainty with my own!  If you researched your school and like it, they will probably be more than able to help your child adjust.

[MiddleRiverMama]

I love all this advice!  Thank you so much!

[LLsMama]

My 21 month old just started a new Mothers Day out in December, she goes two days a week for 5 hours.  I was really worried because I work from home and she has either been with me in my home,  with a nanny in our home or at my best friends house.  My BF and I started our kids the same week so we went and visited the schools together so that our kids would have a friend with them the first time they saw their classrooms.  Then I went back with my daughter once or twice by myself and let her explore the classroom and play in the romper room.  By the time school started she was very excited to be there.  She cried for a few mins the first day and has since walked herself into her classroom and waved good bye to me.  Good luck!  I know you both will do great!