Child support

[chefmommy]

So I get that once we are divorced I can enforce court ordered child support through the CSEA, but, how do I recoup the additional money? He is supposed to supposed to pay more than half of childcare, medical, extracurricular etc...  Is that money lost?

[Findingstrength]

As crummy as it it, I don't think we get everything we have lost back. I guess I don't know. When I said I was done, he said 'oh, we'll I'm done working overtime then.' He always worked overtime to buy crap and trade in cars constantly. We may finally go to court next week! But it looks like I won't get alimony, even though we were married 12 years. Two weeks ago my lawyer filed for a court date and I got an email from him asking to make a pre court deal, make our own child support arrangements so he would not have to pay as much and making me out to be the bad guy cause now he will have to work overtime again. I guess we both don't get all that we wanted. I lost the dream of happily ever after, and he doesn't get his batchlor dream of having every weekend off either.

[Goodmom2008]

Will your state add childcare costs onto child support?  NJ does, which means that I don't have to chase after my ex to pay his share.  Also, some states will collect medical expenses if there is a child support case open with them.  You would just submit your bills to them and then they will send your ex a bill.  You are on your own with collecting extracurricular activities. 

[Goodmom2008]

Originally Posted by Findingstrength 

As crummy as it it, I don't think we get everything we have lost back. I guess I don't know. When I said I was done, he said 'oh, we'll I'm done working overtime then.' He always worked overtime to buy crap and trade in cars constantly. We may finally go to court next week! But it looks like I won't get alimony, even though we were married 12 years. Two weeks ago my lawyer filed for a court date and I got an email from him asking to make a pre court deal, make our own child support arrangements so he would not have to pay as much and making me out to be the bad guy cause now he will have to work overtime again. I guess we both don't get all that we wanted. I lost the dream of happily ever after, and he doesn't get his batchlor dream of having every weekend off either.

If I were you, I would make it clear to your attorney that you will not accept less than state guideline child support.  And I would push to have his OT averaged over the past 3 years and tacked onto his pay.  Because once the child support order is in place, the OT will pick up again. 

[Findingstrength]

Yea, she is pushing for that. I just worry about pushing him too hard and him getting ticked. I don't think he'd hurt the kids or me. But you read this stuff. He is very non confrontational. But this isn't my thread. The lawyer told me not to make any deals with him or talk to him at all except to arrange pick up and drop off of the kids. I guess I feel we all lose a little something with divorce. It sucks.

[blessedwithboys]

OP, I have jus tthat situation.  Our divorce says I give him the bill and he has two weeks to give me half of it back.  So far, it's well over $2k.  In my state, I can send the bills to child support enforcement and they will administratively add it on to his account.  It's nice because I don't have to go to court to have it added.  Of course, he hasn't paid regular support in years, so it's not like I'll see the 50% of medical costs, but at least it all gets added in so that if he ever wins the lotto or something, I'll get it all back.  haha