Originally Posted by MyDaughtersMom
I know a "good" mom will suck it up to prove her love, so maybe it makes me a bad mom, but I can't handle the pain anymore. I've reached my limit. I'm going to snap.
No. A "good mom" takes care of herself and teaches limits and boundaries about hurting others. Not that it isn't hard, I completely empathize, I just don't think you should feel bad. My son is 2 and even though I have never allowed him to do the pinching of the other nipple, he still tries every day! I also live in a small apartment and we struggle with bedtime almost every night. We get into patterns where he won't sleep and we have to drive every night.
I recently night weaned and that helped for us. He's been going down for my husband and sleeping longer periods. It might not work for you, but its worth a try. I f you haven't already, read the The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. What I learned mostly from the book is to decide what your goals are, pick a routine/ system and stick to it. We had to do it a few times, but I find that you have a few really hard nights and then every gets used to it. Our new plan starts with regular bedtime stuff (snack, bath, etc) then I nurse him in the living room with dim lights, then he goes to bed to read with daddy until head starts to droop and then lights out and daddy sings him to sleep. It doesn't always work, so our back up plan is that after about 45 minutes, if he's not close to sleeping I will either try to nurse or we go for a drive.
A little more thought on pinching... he has been learning a lot about ownership lately (and by that I mean he came from daycare with "mine mine mine" about 6 weeks ago) and so we have either confirming "yes, that IS yours" or "sorry, that is Mommy's/ Daddy's but you can use it if you are gentle". He is also learning about ownership of body parts, so when he say "my baboos, my milk" I say, "sorry, those are mommy's but you can have milk if you are gentle" and if he pinches or bites I get up and walk away tell him ouch and that he hurt me. Sometimes he gets upset but over all it seems to be working. I know with autism disorders these types of things can more difficult, they have trouble with empathy and interaction, but maybe it will help you. Another thing that helps me is to put a toy between us for him to pinch and fiddle with, where a necklace or clothing that has little pieces he can grab, or let him play with my fingers in the same way. I feel very strongly that it is not ok for him to learn to hurt someone else including me, for his pleasure/ comfort. My motto is, "it's his milk, but they are my breasts".
You have a right to not be hurt, to have some time to yourself, and to sleep. My advice to you right now would be to do everything you can to get her to sleep without nursing: walk in the stroller, drive in the car, read her favourite book over and over until she passes out, or even television. So maybe she will stay up all night, can you and your partner take turns getting sleep and watching her until she gives up and just passes out? In our family it started out easier for my husband to get to bed if I wasn't here, because then he wouldn't expect to nurse... so maybe if you just disappeared for one night? I know it feels cruel to let her cry, but it's not the same as leaving her alone in a dark room, if she has parent to give comfort, she is not alone. You don't HAVE to give her exactly as she demands as long as you provide clear boundaries and offer comfort and alternatives. You need to do something before you lose your sanity. You can't take of your family until you take of your self.