Infertility ONE Thread Graduates - Winter 2012/2013 - Page 3

[deborahbgkelly]

I guess I forgot to update. The first ultrasound was marked right at 6w5d, so babe was only 2 days behind then. I had another ultrasound at 8w5d on Thursday. Babe looked great and is now only 1 day behind! HB 180 and very active.

[wissa19]

Plane -I'm so sorry.  I hope you get some answers.  I know it must be heartbreaking.

Deborah - I'm so glad to get some more good news from you! I cant wait until you post a picture of your little on his/her Birthday!  

Gozal - I hope all is well with the twins.

kparker - How are things going? Is little guy still doing well?  

[deborahbgkelly]

Wissa19- Thanks! I can't wait either. I'm already reading to and singing to baby. I think it's around week 10 that babe can start hearing me, so I'm getting in the habit now. Started filling out the pregnancy journal. Outside of some nausea and a skin infection from the PIO shots, things are going petty well right now.

[deborahbgkelly]

Baby passed. There was no heartbeat this morning.

[wissa19]

Deborah - -No! I can't believe that...  I just want to give you a giant hug.  My heart hurts for you. Some things just aren't fair.  I wish there more I could say or do. I'm so so sorry. 

[deborahbgkelly]

Thank you Wissa.

[monkeyscience]

Oh, no! There are really no words for this, Deborah. I am crying for you.

[deborahbgkelly]

Thanks Monkey.

[chicajones]

Deborah, was just reading your previous post about filling out your journal, etc, last night and was so excited. I'm so sorry for this loss. We are all thinking of you.

[deborahbgkelly]

Thanks Chica. I will finish the entries for as long as baby lived when I feel up for it. Still waiting to pass the baby.

[jenger]

Hello!

I am very, very nervously posting in the graduates thread.  I haven't posted on the infertility ONE for over a year (I am listed as MIA!).  I had to stop all posting, 'cause I needed to move on with life.

After 3 1/2 years of "trying" for our second, we had given up.  We had begun to plan for a life with one child, not the 2 -3 that we hoped for. I have started working nearly full time, as our child is in school now.  I started selling the cloth diapers, the gear, the car seat - it was haunting me me in the garage.  

A week ago, I started my period, but it was weird - very light, spotty.  I have had a "missed" miscarriage before, so I know what was happening. I took pregnancy tests, and sure enough, despite the bleeding, the tests were positive.  Except this time the bleeding has stopped.  I still have very low HCG, but it did double.  (From 25 on Monday to 60 on Wednesday. I'll get another test on Friday.) I am happy to hear stories with low HCG and spotting resulting in a viable pregnancy... 

I am really scared to allow myself to imagine it, as infertility has been so incredibly painful - And this pregnancy seems pretty questionable... I don't want to get too excited if it's going to end soon...

I recognize a couple of names - but I was on here (the infertility ONE) so long ago, that the people that I was active with probably have 2 year olds!

[wissa19]

Hi Jenger - Welcome to the graduates!  Unfortunately there aren't too may expecting graduates over here.  I hope your pregnancy goes well and the HCG goes up and there are no more spotting episodes.

I finally got pregnant with #2 after 2.5 years of trying, so I understand what you mean about the baby stuff haunting you.  I woke up one morning crying because I was planning on putting all of my DS's stuff in consignment.  After crying for hours I finally took a pregnancy test and it was positive...the reason I was so emotional!  (It was a medicated cycle, I just didn't think it would work like all the other times)

Deborah - Thinking about you..I saw where you are looking into adoption.  I'm sure you will be an excellent mother no how you become one.  

Monkey, Chica, Kparker, Gozal - What's going on?

AFM - Baby Girl is almost 4 months...I'm sure guys won't believe it, but we are still mostly breastfeeding!  She gets one bottle of formula a day...going to start her on solids soon as she grabs at food in my hand and attempts to get it to her mouth!  

[deborahbgkelly]

Today has been a harder day emotionally and I had a lot of physical pain this evening. I really need to be better about staying on top of the pain.  Wissa. Thank you. Yes, we just don't think we can go through all the treatments again with a high chance of losing another baby. An agency I'm very interested in specializes in transitioning infertile couples from treatments to adoption.  They also don't take more than 20 couples a year, so placement happens pretty quickly. The nurse who did my D&C adopted 2 kids from there and she said she was taking a baby home in 9 months. That is a phenomenal wait time and I feel like the universe sent her to me. I'm organizing my house in preparation for when we have a home study and I'm finding it incredibly therapeutic. I have a spatial learning disability so it's a challenge for me and sometimes overwhelming. However, I think having a goal is really helping. I also think someone else has taken over my brain and my body. LOL.

[jenger]

Thanks for the welcome, Wissa!

After another HCG, I am feeling a bit more confident.

Deborah, my heart aches for you.  I am so sorry for you loss.

[toothfairy2be]

Hi all my IF graduate friends. We got a heartbeat today. 137bpm. Still guarded because baby is measuring 5 days behind but trying to be hopeful and send lots of love and growing energy to our little B. We go for another u/s next week because our doctor isn't comfortable moving us to an OB just yet. My EDD is 9/24 and I'm hoping so hard to be spending the next 8 or so months back with all of you!

[jenger]

Oh ladies, the first trimester is crazy and hard enough, add to it the anxiety of conceiving after years of infertility - I'm a mess.  I want to be hopeful, but I need to get a safety net.  I have been spending the past year and a half working toward moving on from the pain and grief and loss of infertility, accepting it as a part of who I am now, but moving on to embracing the things that are great in my life.  I don't know where to go with the feeling - the indescribable conflict of emotion that includes glee, fear, anxiety, and exhilaration all in one little packet...

Tips on making it through the next 7 weeks? (And that's assuming I can make it, and that I will be less anxious after week 12...)

[toothfairy2be]

Jenger- I'm in the same boat, every milestone an immediate relief followed by sheer terror of what could happen next. I don't have any words of wisdom to offer since I think I'm only due a few days before you. We will survive this. Even after 12 weeks there's still so much to worry about!

[wissa19]

Deborah - It does sound like that nurse was some how meant to be there for you that day.  I'm so glad to hear you working on healing, yet still keeping your babies in your heart.  The adoption agency sounds wonderful and I can imagine having something to work on does help.  I always like to feel like I'm moving forward!

Jenger - Glad to hear the HCg is sounding reassuring.  It sounds like you just have a flood of emotions. It is quiet the shift to go from accepting no more children to the hope of new little one.  

TF2B - I so hope you get spend the next 8 or so months over here! Love that the HB is good!!  Even though everything looked good for me I didn't go to my OB until 12 weeks...I think they like to keep you at the RE for as long as they can.  I think mine kept me until I was off the progesterone. 

Jenger & TF2B - These first weeks are very difficult and the only advice I have to take it one day at time.  I was very nervous about the first few, but I also had this inner voice telling everything was fine.  I don't know why I just always felt like it was going to be okay...probably because I just have problems getting babies in and getting babies out, but I thus far I've grow them just fine.

I think the key is just to take one day at time...and be happy to pregnant for that day.  The worry never goes away. I worry about DS and DD everyday!! 

[monkeyscience]

Just stopping by for a second to say yes, still alive, and reading along occasionally. Dealing with the busyness of work and a teething (we think) baby, and a lot of other things. Hopefully I can update more sometime soon!

[deborahbgkelly]

Thanks Jenger and Wissa. DH made me smile yesterday. I bought some shelves to help with the organizing process and as he was putting them together he read the part about small parts that could be hazardous to small children. I said, we don't have small children and he said, but we will. I love that he finally made it clear to me that we are truly on the same page. I was having a hard time reading him.