7 year old exposed himself

[Veronique]

Last year my son was expelled from school for one day for showing his penis to another boy in the classroom. (He was 6) In another incident he was caught lifting his shirt and showing his belly and dancing around wiggling his butt in the classroom. Once again, this matter was called to my attention by the principal and the teacher.

He had maybe 2 or 3 incidents like this last year and the principal declared my son "sexual".

I changed schools.

I didn`t believe that a few incidents of lifting your shirt or pulling down the trunks was deviant behaviour.

Well, now a year later, he is 7 and yesterday I caught him in the bathroom with his playmate showing each others` bottoms. His friend is 5, by the way...another boy.

My son admitted that it was his own idea and he just wanted to show his butt and see his friends butt.

I was actually mortified at this point. I think he is too old to be doing this stuff and just saw my son in a whole new light.

What is up with this behaviour? What can i do to stop this from happening? How do I know this isn`t happening often at school? Basically, I freaked out at him yesterday when I caught this...I^m very upset. Thanks for any input or how to deal with this...

[Triniity]

Hi, 

I don't know your son, obviously, but I think that this is perfectly normal behaviour, if they all wanted to participate. 

I honestly would talk to a male person. Like his father? I think male people tend to show and see what they have, don't you think? He did it in a private setting, in a bathroom, not out in the open. And he did not force anybody to take part. 

If I would be troubled by it, I'd talk to a child's psychologist, but without him, first to check if there is any problem, without giving him the feeling that there is anything wrong with him. 

Hugs,

[mtiger]

What has your son said when you asked him why he tought this was appropriate behavior?
 

[Tigerchild]

I think it's not the behavior itself that is the concern (even teenage boys can do dumb stuff like that), but the fact that apparently he doesn't get that it's inappropriate.  More than one incident at school, after he was talked to and told that behaving that way was inappropriate?  Cause for concern.  Ditto for doing that again at home, assuming that he's been talked to.  I would not assume that it hasn't happened at school, too, in the bathrooms.

Have you sat down and specifically and concretely told him that he should not do these things.  A lot of times little kids don't get subtlety.  With one of my boys I actually had to go down a very specific laundry list.  Then it wasn't a problem anymore.

You don't have to do it in a shaming way per se, but this behavior is going to get him in trouble, regardless of how 'natural' it might be.  If after specific instructions he's still doing it, I think then you can bring in a therapist or whatever, but I wouldn't go there until you have a very very specific conversation with him.  Not "we don't do that kind of thing at school" but more:  You may not show your penis/butt to other kids.  Your clothing must stay where it's supposed to be at school unless you're in a bathroom stall by yourself.  You may not share a stall with any of the other children at school.  You may not have your friends in our bathroom at the same time you're using it.