I am such a failure as a mom

[Triniity]

Hi, 

I am feeling as if I am loosing it. I am such a failure as a mom. I am not a fun mom at all. I don't have any energy or patience with the kids (anymore). I am just seriously exhausted and want them to be quiet. 

I prefer sitting in front of the computer and reading my kindle to doing anything with them, because they exhaust me. The two eldest have ADHD and the other one is a cute little baby. I do love them. Dearly. 

I am newly diagnose with ADHD myself and on Ritalin. I feel that the Ritalin exhaust me even more because I forget to eat and I try to do all the work as fast as I can. I am not getting anywhere though, as soon as I clean something, somebody makes a mess. Which is normal, I know. 

My husband has Adult ADD - and he is like this Tasmanian Devil in the cartoons. I wrote about him before. 

I feel as if I am really really close to total exhaustion, but my DH is not able or willing to do anything about it. 

In about four weeks I am going back to work again. And I am dreading how exhausted I will be than. 

Sorry for the whining!  I just feel so helpless. 

[stormborn]

Don't be sorry..we've all been there! I can totally relate to just wanting everyone to entertain themselves sometimes so I can read, & it's especially hard when you're tired and feel like crap.

Are your little ones old enough to take to a park so you can chill out on a bench with the kindle? It's winter here so sometimes I end up paying for an indoor playspace but it really does save my sanity. Plus when we get home they're tired out enough to NOT make messes faster than I can clean them.

[mommy68]

Do you have a newborn? Maybe it's PPD. It may still be PPD that hasn't been diagnosed, even if you have a toddler. Hope you feel better soon.

[MrsBone]

Ooh both of you have add as well as your kids?? That's rough. Check out adhdmarriage.com and additidemag.com. It saved my marriage! My husband is adhd and I'm keeping my eyes out on my kids for signs.

[Triniity]

@mommy68 - I have a 12 month old, but have been seen by a psych, she thinks it's more burn-out than post-natal-depression. I got the advice to rest more. ;) 

@mrsbone: it is hard. I am not quite sure about my own diagnosis, since I am quite overwhelmed by my three wild ones, and sometimes thinks I am just mind frazzled. But than I think it's totally adequate. I don't know. Ritalin is not making my hyper though. 

[MrsBone]

I often feel like the one in charge of everyone's mood and well-being. I also am in charge of making things get done. That usually involves talking DH into taking his adderall. Otherwise he has no motivation. It gets exhausting, but I've made it a point to escape the crazy for a bit to go take a long hot bath and unwind. Or go out for coffee and a book for a couple hours. I also have to make sure that things get done. On top of that I feel like I'm constantly counseling DH on how to deal with our 4 year old. I'm hoping its just his age and he'll do better with him when he's older, but until then I usually the one to quell arguments, tantrums and melt downs. Another reason we are done at having 2! I'm afraid having another will push me to the brink emotionally and could do some damage to our relationship. DH has also told me that 2 is all he can handle.

[Springshowers]

I just wanted to say thank you for this thread. It led me to a blog which recommended a book and I feel like I am in a totally different place than I was only yesterday.

[Triniity]

could you share and blog by any chance?

[MrsBone]

We've had a major breakthrough in the past week. We have really stepped up the discipline with both our kids and its so peaceful around here. It was so exhausting and sad listening to DH deal with the kids by yelling and not listening to them. Turns out both of us were horrible with discipline!!! We weren't following through with consequences... Like ever. And if we did, it was an all out meltdown, screaming, hitting, tantruming. We both were exhausted and our kids were sort of in charge. I read just a few chapters of a book and it really opened my eyes to just how lazy we were being!! I'm now working on training DH on how to deal with the kids and earn their respect and get them to listen to him. It's been a little tiring but I know it will pay off! I've also discovered that our son isn't the least bit ADD.. He was just acting out trying to get attention didn't respect us as authority which led to all the ADD signs. If anyone hasn't read it yet... Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk truly changed our life

[MrsBone]

Oh and trinity, I felt as though I might have something going on as well, like adhd or something but I knew I wasn't like this before kids so I knew something had to give. Turns out my kids were simply making me crazy. The reason though was lack of discipline and me not listening to them, which if course as you know means they rarely listened to me. They fought all the time, my daughter was screaming half the day because brother was picking on her, they didn't clean up after themselves, they refused to do anything I say, and it was because I didn't make them!! I let them walk all over me, and so did DH.

[Triniity]

Thank you MrsBone :)

I have to say, I started Methylphenidat a couple of weeks ago, and it did make a big difference. I much calmer and much clearer with my kids. I don't yell anymore (at least for now ;) ) and I feel much better. 

It's as if they're behaviour and screaming and yelling is going through some kind of filter before it reaches me, and I can deal with it in a calm and controlled way. I can actually have fun with them now. 

And now we'll work on their behaviour...