What kind of postpartum help do you have? « Back to Group Discussions

[odinsmama]

We just found out that my awesome MIL will be flying in to help out after baby comes. Very excited and happy about this!! She's super laid back and will be happy to play with older kids, make us food, hold the new baby, whatever.
Due date is the 5th and she flies in on the 7th, so hopefully she won't get here before baby does, but even that would be okay. Just don't want to have an environment of "everyone is waiting" which, of course, would cause this to be my only "late" baby.

DH will have a week off work and he's great about getting me what I need while I stay in bed with a new one.

Some time while DH is off we have to go register the birth and do a visit to the pediatrician but otherwise we'll just being relaxing and enjoying new baby smell.

[rachieface]

Yay for help! My MIL in law (who is also great...I feel lucky that way!) is coming from where she lives in Africa from February 2-22. My latest possible due date of several is February 12, so I reallllly hope I go before that. The 5th or 6th would be awesome, ha! But obviously, there are no guarantees. I'm already a little anxious that I'll go "late" this time and miss out on her help, but on the other hand I'd love to have her here for the birth so that care for my toddler is all set up.

My mom will come for a week or so in early March too, so I feel very blessed to have some help since both sets of grandparents have to come from overseas.

[kellybeth]

my MIL will also be around, so will my sister in law and great aunt who live here. my mother is coming out for a week at the end of february. i wanted some time alone for a while, so i figure the end of the month would be a safe bet. 

[Jenny01]

My hubby is taking 1-2 weeks off after the birth, and my mom lives in town so she is just a 10 min drive away and will help out as well.  My best friend is also planning a visit for March sometime I think.  I don't like having a ton of people around anyways so this should be just enough!

[Chloe'sMama]

My mom and MIL will be here for the birth and my mom will stay for 5-7 days straight and then every other day or so for another week or two to help.  She is great about cleaning and cooking and laundry, but not so good about playing with the kids.

MIL says she will do some day duty after that, but we will see how it all plays out.  She is great about playing with the kids, but not so great about cleaning and cooking and laundry.  

DH works from home and has a super flexible boss and will fill in when needed.  He gets super short with the kids though, so by the time mom and mil are not helping anymore, hopefully I will be in the swing of things.  

I want to have 5-7 days in bed with baby and then another week around the house before having to really do anything too strenuous.  I have to be pretty hands on with the girls, so this should be interesting.  Hoping that this baby is easy going and just wants to snuggle.  My girls are really excited about helping with the baby and snuggling with him.  Makes me smile!

[baileyandmikey]

My mom will come up for about a week, she always does  :)  And dh will be able to take some time off work to be with me, I think about a week?

[waywornwanderer]

Very cool that your m-i-l is making the trip!

My husband and I live on the east coast and most of our family is based out of the west coast. Due date is February 13th, but my mom the expert (who is a women's health nurse and who had each of her four children at 37 weeks) is absolutely *convinced* I will go early. She's booked her travel arrangements to be here from February 6th - 20th. I'm a bit nervous she'll end up missing the birth if I go late! My mother-in-law is set to visit directly after my mom leaves. I think she plans on staying two - three weeks, whatever is most helpful. My sister-in-law is a college sophomore and is planning on visiting during her Spring Break in early March. And my current bosses (I'm a full time nanny) have offered their help/babysitting/whatever if I need it.

I don't have a postpartum doula because both moms are coming out, but did end up hiring a labor doula. I feel I've got my support system decently covered. I'm starting to worry a bit that I'll yearn for alone time with just me, husband, and baby... but DH is a medical student with a crazy schedule, so as happy as he'd be to help out with our new baby, he has numerous exams (then boards) to study for and I know it will help him feel less guilty to know that I'm not all by myself with the new baby while he's at the library or rounds.

[josie423]

Tons and tons now that I live with my family! I have 8 younger siblings who live at home still (ages 20-4) who are all extremely helpful, and of course my parents so there will be lots of helping hands. Before I left my DH I would have had zero help. I have a feeling I may have to fight off my family to spend time with the baby, lol!!! This is very much a baby-loving family. 

[etsdtm99]

I will have my mom and DH ..  my mom lives right down the street and will pretty much be around whenever i need her, but she will want to go home..my kids wear her out and she complains a lot.. (luckily i'm use to it and she does WANT to help - she is great with laundry, cleaning and playing with the kids)    DH will probably take off a few days from work, depending on what day of the week i give birth - and then work half days for a few days, last time i needed full time help with the other kids for 10 or 11 days (i tore pretty bad) my mom got a little whiny about why i was in bed all the time and that was with my DH and her splitting the work-load .. i don't think she was expecting it because i bounced back really quickly (within 4-5 days) after my 2nd baby.. so now that she knows what can happen i'm hoping she won't get so frustrated. (i'm REALLY hoping i'll have an easier recovery!). my MIL will be here for the birth and then will go home and usually comes back for one day about a week later (to take newborn pictures) she has a bad back and just can't help much and she always feels like she is imposing by hanging around.. there is no convincing her otherwise.. 
 

[typebug]

We have rather a complicated family system of help arriving. My family followed by my in-laws are covering most of the first three months right up to our move and in fact one set of parents will be doing that 24 hour flight with us and the baby. It's amazing that they are all coming and giving so freely of that much time. I'm a bit worried of course that having that much happening in our home PLUS coordinating another round the world move at the same time is going to totally fry me up. Oh yeah, and I'm going to be looking after a baby... that part too might fry me up. Hopefully I can delegate well and let go when people get in my space too much... might need to take some long walks. ;)

[loveandgarbage]

My mom just moved to my town so she will be my main help! I feel really lucky. It's just such good timing. She's working part-time, so will be available in the afternoons most days and will pick up the kids from school for however long I need her to. DH will be able to take about a week off. My sister is coming in for a long weekend after the baby is born. And my MIL is thinking of coming in a couple weeks after the birth to help out, too. I also have two close girlfriends who will watch my older kids at the drop of a hat. So I feel pretty set!

[buko]

That's wonderful, Josie!

I didn't think of it as "help"-- because there's no way I could imagine doing this alone!-- but DH just had his first day at Buko Enterprises (this is that dual WAHP thing we've been planning).  So he'll be here from now until baby is born until... forever (indefinitely, anyway).  Granted, there are drawbacks to this choice, but I know I am hugely blessed.

So, DH, forever(ish) as my partner at home... though this baby stuff is all new to him, too!  Luckily he did do some helping with his younger brother, is great with kids generally, and has willingly read my EC and parenting books, LOL.

My mom is coming to stay with us starting Feb 26 (I'm due March 1) and is supposed to be here for the birth, which we assume will be at 40-42 weeks.  Then, depending on how "late" I go, she will stay from a few days to a week or so longer.  She's a doctor, so... bonus!

One of my grandmothers lives nearby, and though she is 88, she drives and acts like someone 20 years younger, so... even though I don't want her to knock herself out, she'll probably stop by here and there and be some help (and she definitely wants to help).  She can be a minor PITA (typical Jewish grandmother), but is also pretty awesome, raised 4 kids and was an RN herself.

Past that, I'm sure my BFF will stop by with some food once or twice or something...  You know, we'll have that sort of visitor, but I don't expect they'll be "help" help.  My parents-in-law live in Asia, and can't really travel, and most of DH's siblings will probably visit in late March or April, but again...  not "help" help.

I toyed with hiring a PP doula, but thought I'd skip it... until I saw on a local listserv that a woman I met casually (and liked) is a PP doula in training and needs one more family to help to be certified, will work at greatly reduced rates, etc., so I might at least contact her to find out what those rates are.  

Edit: Geez, does that sound spoiled, or what?  I'm so lucky to have DH, I'll have my mom for about a week and then maybe an occasional visit from my bubbe...  Do I really need a PP doula?  The only thing is, my mom only BFed us for a few weeks, my bubbe didn't BF at all, really, and neither did DH's mom, so I could see the PP doula as being mostly good for help with that.  Plus, she actually runs a cloth diaper and babywearing sort of store, so I guess she could help with those things.  Hm.  

[Brambleberry]

Originally Posted by buko 
...

I didn't think of it as "help"-- because there's no way I could imagine doing this alone!-- but DH just had his first day at Buko Enterprises (this is that dual WAHP thing we've been planning).  So he'll be here from now until baby is born until... forever (indefinitely, anyway).  Granted, there are drawbacks to this choice, but I know I am hugely blessed.

...

DH and I also both WAH (we have grassfed beef cattle, a small plant nursery and I make wooden utensils to sell on etsy).  It is ideal in some ways but also has it's own challenges.  We've found that it is not as easy as we'd thought to get things done while watching DD.  When I'm the one watching her, I figure I've averaged anywhere from 1-3 hours of business work a day in addition to regular household chores.  It varies tremendously with different developmental stages, and you can never predict how needy a particular baby is going to be.  When DH is watching her he has a harder time multi-tasking, and gets much less done.  One thing we've found to be essential, is having it very clear who is responsible for watching DD on any given day.  It makes things a little more fair between the two of us, and as DD's gotten older she really needs the stability of knowing who is watching her.  On days when we have a project that we both have to work on at the same time she gets really anxious.  Working together can also be a big stress on your marriage, so be sure to keep lines of communication open and be clear about who is responsible for what - try to have defined areas that are yours and his so that you're not micro-managing each other's work.  We've worked together since we first got married and that first year was pretty stormy.  But we worked it out and settled into a routine and it works wonderfully now (usually!). Good luck!

[buko]

Ooh, thank you for chiming in, Brambleberry!  We were planning on switching off-- that is, while one parent is handling baby, the other can be working with fewer distractions.  We'd love to be able to say "Okay, you have baby from 9-12, then I have baby from 12-3," or whatever, but know that's especially unrealistic for a newborn, so it will have to be more flexible than that.  Right now, we figure (especially for the first few months), that I will be breastfeeding and he will be doing most of the other childcare, as I have more to do in the business.  Does that make any sense?  Any reasons that won't work out well (enough)?

[joyriders]

I've got my partner and that's it! that's all I want, too. my BFF may come by occasionally but maybe not as she has a baby herself.

my MIL was desperate to come, but we put a no-family restriction in place until late march.

we want to do this ourselves and have as little outside interference as possible. this would probably be different if we had other children to take care of as well, but since this is our first, we just want to be on our own.

[kellybeth]

Originally Posted by joyriders 

I've got my partner and that's it! that's all I want, too. my BFF may come by occasionally but maybe not as she has a baby herself.
my MIL was desperate to come, but we put a no-family restriction in place until late march.
we want to do this ourselves and have as little outside interference as possible. this would probably be different if we had other children to take care of as well, but since this is our first, we just want to be on our own.

i feel the same way, but with this being the very first grandchild on either side, our moms want to see that baby! 

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by buko 

Ooh, thank you for chiming in, Brambleberry!  We were planning on switching off-- that is, while one parent is handling baby, the other can be working with fewer distractions.  We'd love to be able to say "Okay, you have baby from 9-12, then I have baby from 12-3," or whatever, but know that's especially unrealistic for a newborn, so it will have to be more flexible than that.  Right now, we figure (especially for the first few months), that I will be breastfeeding and he will be doing most of the other childcare, as I have more to do in the business.  Does that make any sense?  Any reasons that won't work out well (enough)?

it really depends on the baby... with my first two, especially my first baby, the breastfeeding took up most of the day for months.... they both wanted to nurse every  hour or more around the clock. That said, you can get a lot done with one hand while nursing with the other, and babywearing can be invaluable!

[HouseofPeace]

Originally Posted by buko 

Ooh, thank you for chiming in, Brambleberry!  We were planning on switching off-- that is, while one parent is handling baby, the other can be working with fewer distractions.  We'd love to be able to say "Okay, you have baby from 9-12, then I have baby from 12-3," or whatever, but know that's especially unrealistic for a newborn, so it will have to be more flexible than that.  Right now, we figure (especially for the first few months), that I will be breastfeeding and he will be doing most of the other childcare, as I have more to do in the business.  Does that make any sense?  Any reasons that won't work out well (enough)?

depends on the child!!!

my first we were both in grad school and figured we'd do this.  HA.  he (DS1) was having NONE OF THAT.  it was mama, all the time.  he was nursing or being held by me at all hours.  husband would come home between school and his night shift at the restaurant, and i'd throw the baby at him and use that 1/2 hour to cook food and shower!  when he got a little older, he would doze off for 2 30 minute naps in his swing, but that was it.  I had 2 easy kids next, and then anther needy one.  Each child is different, so while switching off childcare SEEMS rational, babies, unfortunately, are not always so accommadating!!!  but here's wishing you the best on it.  as long as you're prepared for things to be constantly shifting, it won't be too hard to adjust.

we just got a text from the in-laws asking if they can come out to help 8 days after the due date for a week or so.  i've had my MIL come out for the week after the due date and totally miss the baby.  and i don't want anyone here until AFTER the birth.  we don't have space (they'd be living in the labor room) or desire to share that time.  Husband is taking charge of communicating w/ people on this.  He totally let calendars and people's wishes affect the first 3 births, and learned that i'm a bit of a pushover and don't want to be picky or argue, and is NOT interested in doing that again!  

so, other than in-laws for a few weeks after the birth (and both of them so they can spell each other on the 4 tiny dictators), we don't have any planned support.  Hoping some local friends can pitch in, but they're all students and no one can really make plans yet.  Hubby is self-employed, so he'll be making the first 2 weeks a priority, then i'm on my own.  we'll be transferring our homeschool group to my house for that season too, or if the baby goes too late, for a while before as well.  

[buko]

We are trying our hardest to be realistic about the whole thing-- we don't think it will be a cakewalk!  Or predictable-- what a laugh!

I do find myself wondering how it has worked for people who have DHs or or DWs or DPs who are there from Day 1 on as much as needed, indefinitely... and who love baby care, are pretty competent at it (at least for first-time parents), etc.  It's pretty rare to have that-- I mean, more the ever-presence than the "competence" or "love," which I know most people have. 

I know babies (some more than others) can want Mama all the time, and some of that is surely instinctual (not to mention, boob/smell-related)...  but then I do wonder if-- big IF!-- it makes a difference when Dad/other parent is there for the baby at least as much as Mama.  Maybe it doesn't matter at all!  Hoping it does, though...

Especially if I have one of those 24/7-and-30-minutes-of-every-hour nursers, I am planning on handing baby off as soon as s/he is done at the boob...  don't know if that's realistic or not?  But figure if DH is burping, rocking, changing/ECing, etc., it might get me a few minutes here and there...  If not, I'll have to become a super-NAKer!  

[loveandgarbage]

My kids were both constant nursers but I handed them off to DH for diaper changes and also for naps if they had fallen asleep after the boob. After a couple of months DH could get them to sleep while wearing them, or just bouncing them on his chest after a good feeding. DS1 would've happily been with dad during non-feed times, but DS2 very much preferred me for a long time. 

With my first I also didn't want a lot of people around. Part of it was that I was recovering from a c-section and just wasn't up to hosting a lot of company even if they were helpful.