What kind of postpartum help do you have? - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[HouseofPeace]

Originally Posted by loveandgarbage 

With my first I also didn't want a lot of people around. Part of it was that I was recovering from a c-section and just wasn't up to hosting a lot of company even if they were helpful.

TOTALLY.  i feel that way much of the time, which irritates do-gooders, but since i am almost constantly topless for a few weeks, it's even harder.

and yes- you can hand off for most things.  i always joke that i'm a two-trick pony.  if the baby doesn't need one boob or the other, then Daddy is the solution!!!  it was easier w/ the 3rd and 4th as daddy was around more and more available, and he was great at working w/ the baby in the bouncy chair and his foot going to knock them out.  the first 2 months are crazy, then things shift, and then shift again.  really, as long as both of your are communicating well and getting some rest, i think it's a fun challenge.

[LadyCatherine185]

my DS1 would nurse for hours at a time in the beginning. Like, 7 hours at a time. I would hand him off to DH when I thought he was "done" so I could run to pee really quickly and by the time I got back (you know, 3 minutes later) DS1 was ready to nurse again. He also refused a binky or finger, etc.... DH was always there to help, whatever I needed, and loved holding the babies.. but they cried and cried unless it was MAMA. It was only like this the first few months with DS1 though... DS2 (2 yo) is JUST now starting to let Daddy do things for him.

Just my experience! I know there are babes out there who only nurse every 2-3 hours and who sleep in between.. I just haven't had one of those yet. ;)

Luckily, you will have your DH there to help YOU, hold baby while you use the bathroom or shower, get food for you, etc. :) There were many times when DH got home from work that he had to hold a screaming baby so I could shower for the first time in several days....

[buko]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185 

Luckily, you will have your DH there to help YOU, hold baby while you use the bathroom or shower, get food for you, etc. :) There were many times when DH got home from work that he had to hold a screaming baby so I could shower for the first time in several days....

Oh, I know!  I can't believe how lucky I am.  Probably why I'm a bit clingy with DH lately-- "Don't ever leeeeeave me!!!"  Even the little things-- like, I am completely willing to buy/use a bouncer/swing/etc. and may do so, but I am also really lucky that if I do need to pee (etc.), I may be able to hand Buko off to a real, live "bouncer."

Glad to hear that even though it's the luck of the draw in terms of kid preference, there's at least half a chance of our crazy plan working.

[LadyCatherine185]

neither of mine would tolerate a bouncer/swing either, lol! with DS2, I literally could not put him down longer than 2-3 minutes at a time (and only a couple times a day) for the first 5 months. Even when he was asleep! He cried through my showers and potty "breaks"... but you gotta do what you gotta do!

How wonderful to have your DH with you.. I bet having him there all the time will make a difference, especially being your first baby! Once we had our second, my DH was taking care of DS1 so didn't get as much baby time with DS2, so maybe that is why DS2 took so much longer to warm up to him. It is such a blessing to have husbands that want to share in the parenting!! :)

[Brambleberry]

Originally Posted by buko 

We are trying our hardest to be realistic about the whole thing-- we don't think it will be a cakewalk!  Or predictable-- what a laugh!

I do find myself wondering how it has worked for people who have DHs or or DWs or DPs who are there from Day 1 on as much as needed, indefinitely... and who love baby care, are pretty competent at it (at least for first-time parents), etc.  It's pretty rare to have that-- I mean, more the ever-presence than the "competence" or "love," which I know most people have. 

I know babies (some more than others) can want Mama all the time, and some of that is surely instinctual (not to mention, boob/smell-related)...  but then I do wonder if-- big IF!-- it makes a difference when Dad/other parent is there for the baby at least as much as Mama.  Maybe it doesn't matter at all!  Hoping it does, though...

Especially if I have one of those 24/7-and-30-minutes-of-every-hour nursers, I am planning on handing baby off as soon as s/he is done at the boob...  don't know if that's realistic or not?  But figure if DH is burping, rocking, changing/ECing, etc., it might get me a few minutes here and there...  If not, I'll have to become a super-NAKer!  

for the first half year or so DD was perfectly content to have DH care for her unless she was hungry of course.  He was actually much better at getting her to sleep than I was!  When she hit the separation anxiety stage around 7 or 9 months she suddenly had much more of an opinion in terms of wanting Mama.  She stopped taking a pacifier at that point too because she realized it was a mama's nipple substitute.  We still worked things out so that I could work every other day, but I ended up nursing her down for her naps every day until she was probably 2 1/2.  I have lofty goals of helping these babies learn to go to sleep without nursing, but we'll see.  I think it's realistic for you to plan on handing baby off to DH as soon as s/he's done nursing, but I wouldn't count on having a lot of time in between nursing sessions until baby's at least 6 weeks old.  You'll need that time to recover from birth anyway - give yourself a decent maternity leave!  And just be ready to go with the flow.  Have some contingency plans in place.

[buko]

Oh, yeah-- 6 weeks!  That's definitely in our plan, bare minimum.  The first 2 weeks we will have COMPLETELY off, with a vacation message for our customers, etc.  We are also trying to get the bulk of the "heavy lifting" (in terms of listing things for sale and launching our second website) done before the baby comes, so that most of what we have to do in the first 6 total weeks (4 after the first 2 off) is shipping items out (DH)-- which should be 1-2 hours/day-- and customer service (me)-- which should be about 15-30 minutes/day.  I mean, good luck to us, but God willing and all that.

Thanks so much for your insight-- it's SO helpful to me, as I know basically no one who has ever tried anything like this.

[katiesophie]

I go back a forth between wanting people around and wanting time alone as a family.  It is our first baby so I'm not sure how much help we'll need, DH is not convinced that we ANY help.

DH is self-employed and planning on being home for 2-3 weeks and then starting back part time.  My mom is coming from Chicago and will stay as long (or short) as we want.  I am due Feb 25th and still deciding when it would be ideal for her to be here.  DH and my mom get along well but he thinks we will be fine on our own.  I know we could do it, but...I want my mommy :)  

HIs family is in California and will wait to visit until we give the OK, his parents probably in the end of March/early April and his sisters during the summer.  

We have a community of wonderful neighbors who have offered to help: walk the dog, run to the store, make meals, etc.