Queer Conceptions: January 2013 - Page 7

[DarcySD]

Esenbee!!! How exciting - will be back tomorrow to respond to the last couple of pages.

[merstone]

Just caught up on several pages and felt compelled to check in..

Lindsey - Great song, I'll never hear it again without thinking of the tww!

Esenbee - that's a line!! !!!

A note on family (p.s. I really appreciate hearing so many stories) - my DP is from a large right-wing mormon family, and most of his immediate family doesn't see us as a legit couple, even ten years in. What was surprising was how those relationships changed when our DD was born. Some got much worse (we also got much less tolerant of their slurs), but his dad, who didn't speak to me or say my name out loud for at least four years, now knows his grandchild and very clearly adores her, and enjoys talking with us (mostly about football and computers, but it's pleasant and respectful). We only see him 1-2 times a year, but it's actually quality time for the first time ever.

That said, I also loved what you said, Sphinxy - "...I feel no obligation to be polite." While I appreciate the new relationship DP has with his dad, there's a part of me that seriously resents that this man supports a church that has worked tirelessly to keep queers in the closet. How can any of us accept others and their beliefs, when those beliefs are meant to harm and shame us or anyone else? I  think for me it will always be a challenge to find balance but what I do know is that we need to stay honest and true to who we are as individuals and as a family, no matter who we piss off.

Afm, AF showed up yesterday. I swear I still feel all of the twinges, and am still a bit queasy and dizzy. Turns out it was all just a bad cold and some ovulation cramps. (Can I be moved to Waiting to O?). I knew a few days ago but the confirmation still stung a bit. I feel OK, ready to move on to January, although I should O around the 21st and my brother moves in with us on the 20th! He'll be there about a month. Hopefully it won't put a wrench in our January plans.  

[lizbian]

esenbee good luck!

merstone very true what you say and I'm glad for the sake of DD that things have improved somewhat. I'm sure in my situation a grandchild will hopefully strengthen things. My mum is so homophobic but is trying so hard not to be. I have to appreciate that she is making the effort to fight against things that have been ingrained in her from a young age, and be thankful that things are much different with our generation. We do generally have a good relationship & she loves my DP which is a step in the right direction. Good luck with the bro staying with you! 

AFM waiting for a reply from my mum to my email back to her. I was happy to be able to get some things off my chest & it probably seems a little odd to have these conversations over email but she lives in a different hemisphere & we've never had a 'talking' relationship in that respect, given she needs plenty of time to process new information.

I'm waiting for a blood test in 10 days to tell whether or not I'm ovulating as it's looking unlikely at the moment.

[Friederike]

Esenbee I am so excited, I really hope this is IT for you 

Merstone - sorry for AF, but the best of luck for the next try to you!

[rs11]

Good luck essenbee!

[esenbee2]

POAS w/ FMU results, 11 DPO: another evap line? Tests are from different lots. I have one digital left from last year and one $ Tree left. I am saving the digital to confirm a slightly clearer positive on the $ Tree test. Guess we'll see tomorrow....
Edited by esenbee2 - 1/8/13 at 6:48am

[Sphinxy]

merstone - Oh, I so agree with you. Well said! And sorry to hear about AF. And I know what you mean that the confirmation of not being pregnant can sting (a lot) even when you're already pretty sure of the result.  Does your brother know you are TTC? I don't recall - are you doing your insems at home? That could make for an interesting conversation with him!

lizbian - I absolutely believe that people, of any age, are capable of changing in big ways if they are willing to do the hard work. Sounds like your mom already has some good motivation and a grandbaby will hopefully only strengthen that. Hold onto that hope. I will never forget what my dad said to me when I came out (actually, he guessed and asked my mom to confirm, and then we talked a few days later). He grew up in the Catholic church and pretty conservative in general. He wasn't outwardly mean or disrespectful, but he definitely saw homosexuality as something that happens to other people, and he had a lot of misconceptions and prejudices. But when we talked that day he said, "I'm 50 years old, and if I have to change every last thing about how I see the world, then so be it. You're my daughter, and that trumps everything else I know." While this might sound all cheerful I promise, there were a lot of bumps and troubles along the way. But I always knew he was willing to do the work, and ten years later I'm proud of how far he's come. 

esenbee - I've peed on my fair share of pregnancy test sticks, and never seen an evap line. So I'm just going to throw out there the idea that two evap lines in a row is maybe not an evap line at all?  Keep us posted, fingers crossed!

scorpio - Yep, the tank arrives on Friday. 

Afm, I'm definitely starting to feel some pre-insem anxiety coming on, and just trying to fight back with exercise, healthy food, and sleep. My chart is looking normal so far, but my O date has varied in the past anywhere from CD16 to CD23, which can make for a long week of waiting and guessing. I'm considering taping up some index cards with mantras about patience around the house to help me stay strong. 

[KWPX2]

Hello to all! DW and I have been watching the thread for a few days without being able to check in (but feeling the urge to for sure). We are very new to this group but feel a lot of concern from and for others here. It is so nice to feel all the support even if it isn't particularly pertaining to our specifics sometimes. Certainly at one point or another we have felt some of the same feelings in these familiar situations.

We want to express our sadness for SanDiego's news. We have yet to experience something like this yet realize it is heart breaking.

Esenbee We are very happy to hear your news. We agree, a line is a line!

Regarding the family discussion...Wow! What an incredible group of people here! So much empathy and encouraging words. Families are so fickle. What more can really be said? They are strange and unpredictable creatures. Personally, I have had many, many lessons on how to I need to look out for my feelings first. I cannot say I have mastered this by any means but I am getting better. Sometimes it is best for me to love certain people from afar. Thankfully my parents and my DW's parents have been nothing but supportive of us. Mine didn't begin being so supportive but they weren't far from understanding what they really wanted was my happiness. I am incredibly blessed that they were open to change. Lizbian - I wish for you the same blessing.

AFM,

We are planning to have a swim meet next week. Very excited, for sure! We have run into a little puzzle though and could use some wisdom. The donor we selected only has 2 vials of IVF prepared samples available. The rest is in Q until late spring as he took a donation vacation and has restarted recently. We initiated our order but now are wondering if this is wise. We have until tomorrow (Wednesday) am to change our minds. My concerns are that (as I understand it) IVF prepared samples have fewer swimmers and according to the bank they make no guarantees on motility for IVF samples.The customer service guy said we could expect about 6 million swimmers. We will be doing an IUI in the doctor's office. She wasn't crazy about the idea but wasn't suggesting we change our plan either. I am 42 years young and have been taking metformin for PCOS for a month and a half. All my labwork looks good. And we have discussed IUI with our RE as a viable choice. DW and I are now questioning our donor choice. I suppose my question for all of you (especially for those of you who have had successful swim meets and children) how important is all the extraneous information in the donor selection? Does it really matter what his views on the world are as opposed to whether his father had a significant illness in his early years? Does any of that matter at all if he has never actually gotten anyone pregnant? What sort of weight does hair and eye color really carry? Personally I am having a difficult time detatching from the things like his essay and focusing on getting sperm that will get me pregnant. Any advice?

Baby dust for all!

[lizbian]

Sphinxy you're absolutely right and it's nice when despite people's pre conceived ideas they do make the effort as their love for you is stronger than what has been ingrained in them. Good luck for the insem!

[Sphinxy]

Some great questions about donor selection, KWPX2. I would start by saying that I totally understand why you are now questioning your previous donor selection. I would be concerned about going through with an IUI if I had no motility guarantees and such low counts. I think most of my IUI and raw samples have had at least 5 times (sometimes 10 times) as many swimmers. As far as eye color and hair color/texture and writing samples and views on the world - how important is that to you? I say that because before we started TTC, I emailed with some queer friends-of-a-family-member who have one child and one on the way with frozen sperm, and they were pretty laid back about their donor selection. They kept telling me to stop sweating it so hard, because it doesn't matter. Well, in the end I had to realize that what might not be important to them was important to me and my DW. I know others on this board have very different personal views on selecting a donor and I totally respect that. We all have to make whatever choices feel right to us. Speaking only for me, I couldn't put sperm into my body that came from someone with whom I had strong disagreements on world views. I had to feel OK with who they were as a person if I was going to join my genetic material with theirs. With regards to medical history, DW and I decided to rule out anyone with significant hereditary illnesses in their family, but we also had to keep in mind that our own families sometimes wouldn't pass those tests. So we looked for someone who was generally healthy and had good general family history, knowing that it is impossible for any family to have no health problems at all. Lastly, I left the hair/eye color stuff up to DW. Since my genetic material was already coming to the party, I was comfortable with her making those calls. She decided to go with a general similarity to her appearance, with some flexibility. 

[lizbian]

KWPX2 Welcome & good luck with TTC. Also ta for kind words about family - it's a long distance race not a sprint, to be sure.

I'm going through issues with PCOS etc at the moment so hope it goes well for you. Re your donor question we've chosen but haven't started TTC yet as I need to wait for a knee op first. We both decided we wanted an anonymous donor but also wanted to know some information about family history etc. Our criteria were as follows: had to have same colour eyes as us (blue), have had a child either of their own or through donation & no hereditary issues, allergies etc. Re family history we tried to get a donor whose grandparents didn't die too young and whose parents were still alive. I'm not sure that was essential but as we had to narrow it down somehow that's what we decided was most important compared to some of the other stuff. As for the other information, it helped choose our favourite but wasn't a 'must have'.

I think as with everything else it's a personal decision and you have to feel comfortable wiith what you choose. I just want the little one to resemble us slightly, esp as we're hoping to both have a child through the same donor so would be nice if there was a family likeness.

[pokeyAC]

esenbee-- I thought evap lines only showed up if you let the test sit for more than 10 minutes and then you see something.  I would say if you see something within the normal testing time, you are pregnant!  Look forward to hearing the next results.

[carmen358]

esenbee, I agree that evaps are rare and only after the time limit. Get a digital!

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by lizbian 

KWPX2 Welcome & good luck with TTC. Also ta for kind words about family - it's a long distance race not a sprint, to be sure.

I'm going through issues with PCOS etc at the moment so hope it goes well for you. Re your donor question we've chosen but haven't started TTC yet as I need to wait for a knee op first. We both decided we wanted an anonymous donor but also wanted to know some information about family history etc. Our criteria were as follows: had to have same colour eyes as us (blue), have had a child either of their own or through donation & no hereditary issues, allergies etc. Re family history we tried to get a donor whose grandparents didn't die too young and whose parents were still alive. I'm not sure that was essential but as we had to narrow it down somehow that's what we decided was most important compared to some of the other stuff. As for the other information, it helped choose our favourite but wasn't a 'must have'.
I think as with everything else it's a personal decision and you have to feel comfortable wiith what you choose. I just want the little one to resemble us slightly, esp as we're hoping to both have a child through the same donor so would be nice if there was a family likeness.

Thread crashing....even with your own genes there is no guarantee that your little one will look like you! My DD is the spitting image of her donor (except for eye colour from me) so you just never know

[scorpioma]

so I might be inseminating this month after all- we had a conversation with KD about timing with school and how this month is ideal, and he is going to make it work... we need to get a speedy STI/HIV test back since he was visiting with his partner in CA! It's possible we won't get the info back and then we will have to skip, but I am still glad...

O date is estimated at Monday the 14th, although with my longer cycles it could be a little after. I am going to start taking OPKs later today, which is CD16.

It is so interesting to read everyone's thoughts on genetic material/donors/sperm! We all have such different relationships to it all. My views and thoughts have completely changed now that I am using a KD- it became much more about learning and appreciating the uniqueness of our KD (who we love) and thinking about how to talk to our future baby about what a "donor" is and some of the national/ethnic heritage differences between us and KD.

Alright esenbee- we are rooting for you!  

[esenbee2]

well, peeonastick.com has an evap line described as: 7. What's an evaporation line? Evaporation ("evap") lines result with the test's antibody strip just looks slightly different than the space around it. There is a line of antibodies (usually made from mouse cells) in the Control and Test section. The Control line binds with any liquid and turns pink (or blue, in tests using blue dye.) The Test/Result line turns pink only if pregnancy hormone is detected. If not, the moisture passes over this strip and does not turn pink. It may, however, become more visible when the light hits the moisture on the strip-- it may appear gray, colorless, like a "dent" in the test, or like a "ghost line." It may appear at any time-- as soon as the urine hits it, after a few minutes as the test absorbs the moisture, or after the 10-minute time limit. It may appear when the test is drying, or after it has dried. It may disappear as the test is drying, or after the test has dried, or not disappear at all.

The simple fact is that there is always "something there" that is slightly visible-- it's simply the antibodies on the test that would turn pink in the presence of hCG. When the test becomes wet, or as it dries, or after it dries, the antibody strip may become more visible. Therefore, all tests may have them. It is not a defect; it's just how tests are made.

A real positive is identified by its color (pink or blue, whatever the color of the test's dye is) and its appearance within 10 minutes of urinating on the stick. A line that appears after 10 minutes, regardless of color, must be considered an evap line and is caused by the test's chemicals changing. HPT's are rapid assay diagnostics, which means any results appearing after the "rapid" time limit of 10 minutes are invalid.

So, I am still not gonna get all wildly excited.  DSp has convinced me to use the digital I have, tonight.  (At least I think it's a digital.  It's a name brand test, but I've ditched the box, kept the instructions and haven't looked at the instructions lately.)  I had planned to wait, but DSp said he was going to buy 7 different tests tonight after he got off work....  I'd rather just use the one I already have and then go from there and try to calm DSp's horses if there isn't a better positive..

scorpioma -yay for the possible insem!

[KWPX2]

Esenbee- sounds promising. We've got our fingers crossed!

Thank you all for the great insight. We hope that when we are done baby making we will have each had an opportunity to have had been the pregnant one, so appearance is not critical (ideally we would use the same donor for all future children). We are definitely drawn to the profiles of those we feel that we would connect with, but recognize that there may also be great opportunities to round out our family with genes and possibly traits neither of us possess. I guess it feels inpersonal to make seletions about these things based on solely objective information but really, what else is there? It is important to us to use a WBKD so it feelsd right to use someone we think would be good to our child(ren) should they seek him out. Oh the old nature v. nurture debate...

We were all ready to go until the availability issue (which seems like a fairly common occurence) First IUI should occur the middle of next week, so I'd say we have both panicked a little! We've been calmly and confidently excited through these planning months but now that the insemnation is drawing so close it's starting to feel very real! It feels like we've not been discussing this for years :-).

It sounds like several of us will be inseminating in the next week or two- good luck to all!

[esenbee2]

DSp is totally freaking about wanting to KNOW!  I am relatively quite calm.  Though, I did make a visit to USA Baby while out on my lunch, returning my embarrassing shipping dewar to FedEx.  Why does that store have be so close to my work?!  I took like 4 pictures of cute boy bedding and sent them to DSp... Couldn't help it!

[lizbian]

carmen358 - very true, recessive genes & all that but luckily two blue eyed people will always make a blue/green eyed baby

scorp - good luck I hope you get all the results in time.

[mrsandmrs]

esen - i think digitals are less sensitive. i would try with a FRER if you're not going to use FMU? if your sweetheart is buying a bunch, though, maybe it doesnt matter. you're still really early, but it doesn't sound like an evap line!