Queer Conceptions: January 2013 - Page 2

[esenbee2]

I am 4 DPO. Feeling normal... and since most early pregnancy symptoms are normal in a non-pregnancy luteal phase, I am trying my best to save my sanity and save myself from disappointment and not search for symptoms, lol. Also, if I obsess over it too much, my mind will imagine symptoms! Just trying to keep my cool, however, I do have a weird since of calm that AF just isn't coming and I don't need to be worried, anxious, on edge about her arrival. Again, I'm not trying to psych myself out over that feeling though! When I got pregnant with DD, I KNEW that morning after conception.. I just had this feeling of the future when finding out. But that very well could have been that I knew what I had just participated in could VERY POSSIBLY cause something I was not prepared for and would change my life forever. I had an idea of where I was in my cycle, but was not tracking. Back then I knew enough about conception that I could have been fertile at that point, especially after counting the days since my new cycle started. But still, I HAD THAT FEELING that went past knowledge and information. Who really knows, though?....

[outdoorsy]

Hi everyone. Visiting from QP&P (almost 4 mos along) to wish everyone a very pregnant New Year! Good luck esenbee!

[SanDiego78]

I hope everyone had a nice new years!

lindsey - good luck! yes, spotting after iui is totally normal

esenbee - I haven't heard about the blue dye issue..we actually tested again this morning w/ a blue dye stick and again got a bfp (got our first faint bfp approx. 5 days ago w/ a pink dye stick)

twomommy  - the third beta came back and #s more than doubled, we are so confused, but trying to stay positive.  levels are low, but they're going in the right direction.

this emotional rollercoaster/in limbo phase is insane...right now we're in the cautiously optimistic boat of this being a viable pregnancy....DW has not had any bleeding for the past few days, and we'll get another blood test on 1/8 (DW is headed out of town for a few days) ...we're holding onto that shred of hope that this was not another chemical pregnancy, and rather 1 stuck around? we had almost 4 mature follicles time of iui, maybe we just lost a few?... more to come, trying to stay positive!!

[Sphinxy]

SanDiego - Sending you so much hope! C'mon little bean, you can do it! 

[fillefantome]

Sandiego for a sticky, sticky bean!

[LindseyW]

Wow SanDiego, my fingers are crossed too! I can only imagine what an emotional roller coaster this must be for you and your DW! So happy to hear there is still hope. With no bleeding and an increasing beta, that sounds really positive!

Fillefantome, I see you are in VT too. Mind if I ask where-ish? We are in Brattleboro. 

[chortles]

*nervously waves hello* 

Hi everyone, so lovely to "meet" you, and very excited to be part of this community!  My wife (34) and I (38) have just recently begun charting and tracking in earnest, we've had our pre-conception meetings with our doctor, and our first IUI is planned for end of February. Gulp.  I didn't see an intro thread, so hope it is ok to jump on in here.  I was also looking for some sort of a "things I wish I'd known" thread - while I realize that everyone' situation is very individual, we were interested to read comments about (e.g.) "I would have done an u/s + trigger".   I'm obviously on the older side, so we want to make sure every one of these counts!

What is your name? chortles ;)

What are the names/pronouns of your partner and children (if you have any)? She/She. Our dog is a he.

What method are you using to get pregnant this next cycle? WTBK donor via IUI 

What do you and/or your partner do for work? We're both science nerds involved in biotechnology

What state/province do you live? California

What is the most exciting part about this TTC time for you? That we're almost ready to start! 

What is the most difficult part? The challenge of not knowing if it will work, and if not - why. DW and I are biologically savvy, but even with that it feels like there's so much of it beyond our control.  And also I feel like I can't possibly read everything that I should have in order to prepare for this and because of that I'll screw something up and waste previous time, money, and stress!

[granite]

chortles! Happy to meet you... Yes, there's no active intro thread 'round these parts at the moment, but everyone's friendly, I promise! Will it be you or your DP carrying? Or are you both going to try?

Sandiego, FX for you!!! I am so full of hope for you and your DP!

[scorpioma]

Welcome, chortles! February is right around the corner, so exciting!

I'm flying home tomorrow. Can't wait to be home and get geared up for insem.!

sandiego sending you sticky thoughts! So hopeful for you two!

[merstone]

Hi all, and Happy 2013!

Sphinxy - will you please add me to the 2WW? Thank you!

Lindsey - congrats on the insem! 

Tomorrow will be 12DPO and I've already tested twice over the past few days. Both negative, or course. I'm trying hard to wait to day 14 or even 15 to test again. Every twitch and pinch has me convinced I'm pregnant. Unfortunately I also came down with a bad cold so almost all of the symptoms could be attributed to that (except for some pretty serious cramping early on). Who knows - I think I must have blocked out how nuts this process can make me...so one of my new goals is to find a way to take care of myself even for a short while every day.

Wishing everyone a fantastic year ahead!

[Friederike]

SanDiego, Oh my, I can't imagine how stressed out you must be. I really hope this is it for you and your wife *sticky baby wishes*. Maybe you had two or more eggs and lost one of those and the other is a sticky, it sounds like a logical explanation. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Hello and Welcome Chortles. You don't have to be nervous, everybody is super-nice here. Good luck with preparing for the february babymaking! Are you doing anything in advance besides the charting?

Oh and, just start a new thread, people will certainly participate. I tried to think of sth. that I should have know before TTC and came up with two things. One medical, (which is a very controversial topic at MDC) is the issue of vacinating. I personally decided to use vacinations for a number of illnesses, partly due to my work related travels into far off regions of this world, and I realized that I am not up-to-date on two that I want to have before my next trip to Egypt, but now I can't get them because it isn't recommended up to 3 months before conception. The second thing that I wish I had known in advance has to deal with the legalities of a second-parent adoption here. I didn't know that the court takes into account how long you have been married in how quickly they grant the adoption. We don't want to get married until two months or so before a baby is born. Or more precisely, we don't really want to marry at all until we get the complete 100% equal rights, but will do it for the babe, old fashioned as we are. So I guess we'll have to elope as soon as I am preggers.

afm - just made the appointment for the trigger ultrasound on friday. Just a couple more days till the swim team meet. And my mom and DP ganged up on me, and now my mom is paying a part of our TTC bills. I felt really strange about that at first (I can't let my MOM buy me sperm!!, yikes), but who knows how long it is going to take. The more money left over in the budget the better, eh.

[Twomommyfamily]

Welcome Chortles! Waving hello to you! I just don't have access to smileys on my phone. February will be here before you know it! My first try is coming up here in a couple weeks, but I joined in November. Time truly flies and this is a wonderful community to be a part of. Also you mentioned ultrasound monitoring and triggering, which I definitely will be doing. We are doing IUI in the RE clinic so I want to do everything we can to nail the timing. I'm sure there are many "things I wish I'd known" out there from the ladies who have graduated on over to QP&P and I would love to see what they have to say!

SanDiego- my fingers are crossed for you!!! Third beta with double #s is very promising!

Friederike- my mom would buy us sperm. She is so excited for us ttc that she would probably start asking the younger/cuter doctors she works with at the hospital to donate sperm for us to use if we let her.

Afu, we leave this New England winter wonderland tomorrow to head home to warm CA and Friday we have the f/u appt with RE reviewing all the tests/hsg. It's an amazing feeling to think that we have been anticipating January for a year or longer and now it's finally here!
Edited by Twomommyfamily - 1/2/13 at 5:13am

[rs11]

Mrs2: Congratulations! What a great New Year's gift!

Fmorris: Your December matched mine. Here's hoping this month is better for both of us.

San Diego: I'm so sorry for both of you. I really hope you have a sticky bean in there, and I've got my fingers crossed for good news from the next test.

Chortles: Welcome! I hope your stay is short and sweet!

Frederieke: It sounds like Mom really, really wants a grandchild!

AFM: Nothing much to report here. We have to pick out a donor by the end of this month. Getting DW to sit down and do that is going to be an issue. It's a really, really big deal to her; last time it took her three months to decide. Hand me a list of donors that match my criteria and I'll pretty much throw a dart. Then again, I could just want to get it over with.

Regarding the blue dye test issue, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FALSE POSITIVE. Period. End of story. The only way you can get a false positive is a) you dig the test out of the trash after the 10-minute window and see the evaporation line or b) you are taking drugs that include hCG (in which case you shouldn't be taking a home pregnancy test). Other than that, they don't happen. Most of the women who complain about false positives fall into one of these two categories; the rest were pregnant and miscarried. That's not easy to hear, but it's the truth.

The blue dye tests are a lot more sensitive than the pink dye tests, so they are more likely to pick up a chemical pregnancy or an early miscarriage. When I was pregnant last year, my first beta was a whopping 10, but the blue dye test picked it up and the pink one didn't. The only reason to avoid a blue dye test is if you want to avoid knowing about a chemical pregnancy; the beta in most of them doesn't climb high enough to trigger the pink dye test.

[Sphinxy]

chortles - Welcome!  It's nice to have you here, I hope your stay is short and sweet! You pose a great question that I would be happy to answer here, and I think you could also consider posting it in a new thread on the Queer Parenting page to get some of our graduated mamas to add their thoughts.

Things I wish I had known before I started...

• Well, for starters, I think you are in good shape having the support here before you start trying. I joined in a panic the morning of my first IUI and never knew this space existed during my planning stages. In hindsight, I can see how this would have been super helpful back then!
• Though it's hard for me to phrase things as regrets (because I really don't have any - it's all learning), I suppose it would have been easier had I started charting more things sooner. For example, there are a lot of things I didn't chart or check during my prep cycles, just once I started trying. That made for an anxious first-OPK experience and didn't give me a lot of data to look back on in later months. Now, I chart nearly everything to help me identify the right insemination timing.
• It's OK not to temp your BBT once you've confirmed your ovulation day each month. I know some people like to temp to help them identify whether or not they are pregnant, but I don't really enjoy temping, so taking a break during the TWW helps me stay sane. 
• My first IUI was with a midwife who I really liked for her prenatal and birthing care philosophies, but who didn't seem to have much experience working with queer people or people TTC. This goes back to my planning. Ever since that first try, we've inseminated at home instead. We considered finding a different midwife, but this seemed like a better fit for us. The combination of the people on this board and the book written by Stephanie Brill, The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth, have done way more for me than my midwife did. We aren't using any medical interventions at this point.

Lastly, chortles, a matter of housekeeping - we keep the list of our members always in the first post for each thread, and start a new thread each month. We take turns as threadkeeper, and this month I'm doing it. So, if you want to be placed in one of the categories, just let me know by putting it in bold in when you make your next post. I might suggest either "Waiting to be Ready" since you aren't trying until February, or "Waiting to O" since you're only one cycle away. It's up to you, you don't have to be listed, and you can change categories at anytime. 

scorpio - Smooth travels, friend! 

merstone - All set. Ugh, those last few days are the worst. I'm sending you some zen vibes. Take good care of yourself! 

Friederike - I totally get how it can feel weird to have your mom buying sperm for you. Here's how I see it (or would at least try to see it if I were you):  Lots of parents (who are able) help out their adult children financially with all kinds of things - downpayment on a first house, sending grandkids to private schools or starting college funds, etc. Sperm is just the thing that is most useful for you right now. If your kid is ever in your position in the future, would you want to help them buy some sperm? 

Twomommyfamily - Your mom and mine sound a lot alike! 

rs11 - It took me months to pick a donor. DW was the quick one, but I really struggled. The things that finally helped me were 1) digging through my emotional concerns to figure out what I truly wanted in a donor, and what didn't matter to me and 2) DW offered to use my criteria to do the first round of searching on her own. She then came to me with three she liked that met my must haves/can't haves and we decided together on the one that we purchased. 

[sotohana]

Sphinxy- No problem! I always give better advice than I take. Lol J Probably why I work in social services.

Rs11- I’m right there with you as far as picking out a donor. It used to be hugely important to me to find a Native American donor, but I looked and looked and couldn’t find any that were more than 1/64^th or some small percentage like that. After I came to terms with that, my options expanded quite dramatically. Ultimately we ended up picking an anonymous WTBK donor who identifies as Hispanic. He’s pretty cute too! J

Twomommyfamily- Good vibes coming your way for a smooth and enlightening meeting with the RE. So exciting how close this is getting for you two!

Friederike- I think the best part about your Mom paying for your swim meet is that you feel close enough to your Mom to even talk about all of this. That is the true gift. Fingers crossed for a perfectly timed insem this month!

Merstone- Tons of sticky baby dust coming your way! Are you temping during the TWW?

Scorpioma- I’ve been meaning to log on here for a few days now and ask where you got your massage in Santa Fe. DW and I love going there. She’s from Albuquerque, so we go home to NM often. When we are in Santa Fe we visit a spa called Ten Thousand Waves that is really relaxing and nice. We actually went there for our honeymoon for a few days. It gets expensive fast, but even one treatment there is worth it because they pamper you like nothing else. The best was sitting outside in the hot tub while it snowed. Nothing else in this world like the mountains of Santa Fe in winter <3

Chortles- Welcome to this awesome group! We are happy to have you ‘round these parts!

LindseyW- It sounds like you had excellent timing. Lots of good luck vibes coming your way! I have heard that its easier/ faster to conceive a second child, but I don’t know if you were the one to carry your first or not. Either way- I’ll be pulling for you!

SanDiego- I’ve been thinking of you a lot these past few days and hoping for good news for you and your partner. Sending you lots of love.

Esenbee- What you said about a feeling that goes past knowledge is, I think, your gut speaking to you. Whether or not it turns out that you are preggo (I hope you are!), it is such a good thing to practice the habit of going with your gut- in my humble opinion, which you didn’t ask for. J All my best to you with this TWW!

FMorris- Five days snowed in without heat or electricity?! You are survivors! I hope you get your heat fixed fast so that you can be a lot more comfortable.

Jenny- Here’s to February! May your periods continue to be totally predictable and may February bring you the best Valentine’s gift ever!

AFU- The goods arrived today! Someone signed for them in our condo office, so I’ll go pick them up after work. Not sure if they arrived in a brown box or if it’s just the dewar. Either way, I emailed the guy in the office this morning to give him a heads up and ask him to keep the shipment upright. My chart has been really confusing me these past few days. First FF told me I ovulated on CD8. Not likely since I had no cm at all and that would have been hella early. Then my temp spiked yesterday and dove today. Yesterday the monitor read high fertility, but my cervix seemed low. It did look open and there was a tiny bit of what seemed like fertile cm. DW said it seemed creamy rather than Ew, but I touched it and it was stretchy. Soo….I’m not totally sure if I’m ovulating or not. OPKs are also still negative. What do y’all think? Here’s my chart:

[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3ee97f/][img]http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3ee97f//thumb.png[/img]
My Ovulation Chart[/url]

[SanDiego78]

we lost it again ;( DW is currently on a plane to visit her family, and I just spoke to our doctor...she doesn't even know the news yet.  Her HCG is decreasing... next step is to work closely with our group of doctors to find out why this constantly happening... crushed   such terrible timing for her to leave...the worst part of it all is, she can't talk about this with her family as they do not approve, so upset

[SanDiego78]

also -thank you for all of your support ladies, it means A LOT to me

[JustAnotherJenny]

Oh, SanDiego, what an impossible situation.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope the time passes quickly and you and DW can cuddle and figure out where to go from here.  Thinking of you both. <3

[outdoorsy]

Chortles - since you asked -- the example you gave of u/s + trigger is *precisely* what I wish I had known. That is, I wish I had known it would work so much faster than everything else, so I could have pushed to do it sooner. But to get the u/s + trigger, I had to go to a pricey RE, and if I had gone earlier, my insurance probably wouldn't have covered it. There's the rub.

SanDiego - I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you get some answers soon.

[fmorris28]

Sandiego, Im so sorry for you two to go through this again. Hopefully the doctors will pinpoint what the problem is and get it taken care of asap.

Chortles,  Glad you jumped in. We have a new thread each month so you're in the right place. I understand about the things you wish you would have known, I've learned a lot from the board and have gotten great tips and insight. I wish I would have been a bit more diligent in mye temping. I started but wasnt consistent. I also wish I would have found the less expensive sperm banks that I've come across in the months of searching.

Merstone, boy do i know the feeling your going through. twinges here and there strange things happening. Don't count yourself out just yet. I read on one board that the lady ttc got her bfp 22dpo!

Friederike, I'm with you on the eloping train. Mye state has no second parent adoption available, but we just want to be a family. We'll go somewhere and make it official. Best of luck with you. Its nice that your mum is helping like that tho.

RS11, Agreeable. Unfortunately mye mum was admitted to the hospital this morning. Hoping things are ok but i sure am tired of all these monkey wrenches getiing thrown at us! Dp and I actually talked about donors this morning nd she brought it up. I usually do all the picking and shipping and all. Its nice that shes getting more involved :)

Soto, It was crazy. We hiked a couple of miles in the 5 inch (9 inches some of the way) snow to a friends to ride out the rest of the storm which made it a little easier. But when we got power back it was still freezing! It sucks trying to heat the house with the stove everyday bc mye landlord seems to not comprehend NO HEAT in 20 degree weather! Sad thing is i'm not even getting ANY type of discount on mye rent for going without! I looked at your chart and i agree with you about CD8, your temp dropped but the surge wasnt detected with your Opk. Maybe your cycle is just running a little off i would think you'd still be around the CD17 area.

AFM, DP brought up donors this morning out of the blue. This is out of the ordinary bc usually I handle everything and then she comes along for the ride and the support lol. We'll see how that goes. After that talk I got a call and mye mum had just been admitted to hospital with heart issues :( Im trying to stay positive, but it sure puts a whole nother burden on mye shoulders. *Sigh*

Edited by fmorris28 - 1/2/13 at 6:55pm