Queer Conceptions: January 2013 - Page 3

[lizbian]

Hey ladies,

mrsandmrs congratulations that's fantastic news & I hope it all goes well for you.

KWPX2 & Lindsey welcome & hope you enjoy your (hopefully short) time here.

Just wondering if anyone knows what the minimum motility for donor sperm is using IVF? I'm waiting for a third blood test to tell my progesterone levels as not looking like I'm ovulating. It seems as though if we go to a Danish IVF clinic the cost will be £2,400 instead of £6,000 which is a pretty big difference so we're looking into that now. My surgeon's appointment for my knee is in 2 weeks so hoping to have Op some time early Feb and then will be go, go, go!

Very excited about this year for everyone.

[chortles]

SanDiego - I'm so terribly sorry.

[Twomommyfamily]

Sandiego: I'm so so sorry for your loss. That's awful. I hope your doctor can determine why this is happening.

Fmorris: I am amazed at your ability to function in frigid temps. It's 21 degrees here in Boston right now and I can barely run from the heated house to the heated car. It's bone chilling. But I'm a wimp in this kind of cold. I thought by law, all rented residences had to provide heat. That may be state by state. I hope your landlord steps up!

[fmorris28]

Twomommy, I am amazed myself! I'm a summer baby! Born the end of June, so anything under 78 degrees is cool to meeh! It was awful! I've got a bad back already and the cold only makes it hurt even more! I have no idea what mye landlord is thinking about!? I'll just have to keep harrassing her, by the time its properly fixed it'll be spring already! I'll check into the law on that because it doesnt seem right to have to keep paying mye full rent and i'm without heat and air! Plus DP has a chronic illness to where she cannot be cold or she'll end up in hospital! Boy i hope things get together ASAP or we'll be looking like this !!

[JustAnotherJenny]

New England folks -- any reason why you didn't opt to use http://www.necryogenic.com/ ?  Is there something I should know about them?

[sotohana]

I'm so, so sorry SanDiego. I have no words, but please know we are all sending you both so much love right now. 

[merstone]

SanDiego- I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss, and I wish you quick answers and resolution to whatever is happening.

Sotohana- yes, I'm temping daily during the tww. Right now I'm at a plateau, which concerns me but at this point it hasn't dropped so I'm still hopeful.

Tomorrow is dpo13, which was the day I got my bfp with my daughter three years ago. I've tested too much already and want to wait for the weekend when af is due, but we'll see if I last.

[Friederike]

SanDiego - I am so sorry. Take care of yourself and your partner

[lizbian]

SanDiego meant to say really sorry to hear that & that DW doesn't have the support of her family which makes it much more difficult. Hope you get a resolution/good news soon.

[cordelia15]

thread crashing. .

san diego. . so sorry, I do hope they find out what is wrong soon and this is your last heartache.  . .

lizbian, I know for IVF motility can be pretty low, I remember on one bank they sad MOT5  (or maybe 10?) was fine for IVF which kind of shocked me since it is rated up to 30+ but I guess since they are getting it so close, it doesn't matter as much.   

to everyone else. . following your stories and wishing you all good luck!  

[lizbian]

thanks Cordelia - yep just had confirmation of that from the sperm bank - MOT5 for IUI ready or MOT10 for ICI - much cheaper!

Good luck with your No. 2

[outdoorsy]

Jenny - I used them. They were fine. Pretty business-like, not very warm and fuzzy, but on important stuff, they seem to have been fine so far. We liked that they were local, so we didn't have to worry about shipping sperm. They said all donations are made at their local facility -- there was a possible problem reported many years ago with sperm from an out-of-state bank they bought out, but they no longer use sperm from that bank. They have ID release donors and they told me (though it wasn't in writing) that they limit births to 10 per donor. If you have any specific questions, I will try to answer.

edited to add... also, once we started insemming with a midwife, it was one of three or four places her office gave us brochures for, so that made me feel good that they were basically endorsing it.

[Sphinxy]

SanDiego - What an awful situation. I'm so sorry. 

fmorris - Sending you some very warm thoughts - take care of yourselves! Healing wishes to your mum!

Jenny - We looked at NECC and liked them well enough, but we're far enough away that we still would have needed to do shipments, and we just weren't finding the right fit for a donor. I have an acquaintance who used them when her DW was trying to get pregnant. She speaks highly of NECC but told me that in the end her DW was not able to get pregnant so they switched banks at the same time when they switched who was going to carry. Sorry that's not a lot to go on. 

merstone - 

Afm, my new year started off great yesterday with a big promotion at work! Very exciting... and also makes me nervous. I can't always say this IRL because I was not at all raised in a "stay at home" environment, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what happens when a baby arrives. I always assumed that I would try to stay home for a few years or cut my hours, and DW has been supportive of that idea. But now I'm feeling like it would be dumb to walk away from this opportunity so soon. One step at a time, I guess. 

[esenbee2]

sphinxy -Congrats on your promotion!!!!  I am also having a hard time figuring out what happens when a baby arrives.  Our family is 50% dependent on my income, so if I didn't work, we would not make it.  My mother has taken care of DD from the time I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old.  She has already said that she is getting too old and her health will not allow her to take care of another baby.  She also said that she is done with  raising kids and she wants to spend some time with my dad who has worked out of town for the last 12 & 1/2 years.  Her heart has had enough of being away from him and wants to follow him wherever, to the places where he gets contracts.  It's understandable, but leaves me to figure out what to do for childcare.  With my job now, I would be able to do most of my work from home, but I wouldn't be able to handle the faxes that I need to, or the phones.  There is another employee who can do that aspect of my job, but I am not sure if the boss would go for that.  And I am not sure if he would be willing to pay wages for times that I am at home, but no work is coming in.  I could propose to do part time wages, but then I would need to find a way to compensate for the rest.  I would LOVE to stay home for at least 6 mo. to a year, but not sure how we would do financially.  I have been putting off writing my novel for 3 months now...  Life just gets too busy!  Winning the Lottery just seems like the simplest of solutions..  to be a stay at home mom, hey Lottery gods,  does that sound like a noble enough reason to let me win???

[lizbian]

congrats Spinxy that's great news. I guess childcare v's work debate is apt no matter your situation. I only work part time anyway but we don't have the option of family childminding. the plan is that once we each have a child we'll move back home to Australia which should mean we can both work part time & not have to worry about childcare but that's years in the future. Everyone's different as to means, beliefs etc so whatever suits at the time I guess!

[scorpioma]

SanDiego, thank you for sharing with us, we are all happy to listen and be here- and I wish you comfort. This is so incredibly hard. I wish you could be with DW- not a good time to go- can she come home early?

Sphinxy, YAY! Congrats! That is so great... Moving back to MA soon? 

I am glad you mentioned about staying home after the baby comes. I understand totally, I am in law school and must continue with my studies after a semester (a few months) of maternity leave which we are saving for. We have great childcare options, but also my DP is going to stay at home most of the time (writing his dissertation) so we will be okay for a bit. It is hard to think I will go back to school then work but DP and I talked about me working part time after school for a bit if I need to be home more. I suppose it is really common for women/female bodied gestational parents to want to stay home and also have to work, and we have to trust that it will unfold as we go if we do our best, or else we could never have kids.

merstone, hi! nice to meet you and wow, you are close to finding out, have you tested since your last post?!

Friederike, glad you have found a financial source, and I totally get (as everyone else does here) the tension around that, but so good it is since queer people should not have to pay for sperm... Glad you have decided to allow it. What a stress relief!

Regarding all this talk of donors, it's amazing what we go through... I used frozen for two months and had a really hard time emotionally with the aspect of someone I had never met being the donor, whereas my DP was very comfortable with that. I am much happier with a KD and my DP struggles sometimes with it. Every one of us has different needs, I guess. There are truly pros and cons to both set ups.

[lizbian]

isn't the whole KD/frozen conversation interesting. My DW absolutely refuses to even consider the notion & I completely get why - it's good everyone's different or the world would be a boring place!

[granite]

Congrats on the promotion, sphinxy! So great!

I too struggle with how I'll balance my career and my parenting plans... At work, my bosses have made it clear that they see me as a future leader in the company, and speak often of what things will look like in another 2 years (once I'm fully qualified).  They have no idea that I'm TTC, obviously, and that it'll likely take longer than 2 years for me to finish my requirements.

Here in Canada, I'll get 15 weeks of maternal leave (which is for someone who has given birth or is about to), and then there's an additional 35 weeks of leave which I can divvy up with DP if I want (it's for any new parents, including those who adopt). For both leaves, I'll receive 55% of my pay. DP's union provides an extra top-up if she takes parental leave (90% of her pay, I think), so it could be financially better for us to have her take over baby-care while I go back to work instead of taking the whole 50 weeks myself... But then I think of breastfeeding, and pumping during the workday, and I gotta say: There is no way in hell I'm gonna be expressing milk on my break at a construction site!

Who knows, though... Maybe the kid'll be done daytime feedings by then... Or maybe DP will get a promotion and it make more sense for her to work full time while I take care of the kid for a couple years... Or maybe when I'm on leave, and while the baby sleeps, I become so successful at marketing DP's art that she can quit her job and support all of us simply by painting... Yeah, this woman dreams. I'm also looking to those lottery gods, esenbee.

I'm glad you had a nice trip, scorpioma!

FX for you in your TWW, merstone, and here's some baby-dust...

Lizbian, I'm glad you've found a more affordable option in the Danish clinic. That's quite a difference in price!

Sorry to hear about your mom, fmorris. What difficult timing. Are you able to visit her in the hospital if she's still there, or would you need to travel?

I looked at your FF chart, sotohana, and I don't think you've O'ed yet... I know what you mean about that creamy-but-some-EW-stretchiness CM, I get it too and never know how exactly to interpret it. Glad to hear your delivery arrived safe and sound.

Hurrah for being ready to get started, twomommyfamily! I hope your RE follow-up goes well.

Friederike, I am so delighted that your mom wants to buy sperm for you. I just love it. It seriously thrills me that she would be so supportive. My parents are totally on board with DP and I's baby-making plans, but the closest they've come to offering financial help is that my dad and stepmom are excited to create an education savings plan when we actually have a child. It's very sweet of them, of course, but sometimes I wanna say, "Hey, why don't you help me get pregnant in the first place, and then I'LL pay to educate the kid?"

[fmorris28]

Sphinxy, Thanks for the thoughts. Hopefully the docs will figure out whats causing the prob. congrats on the promotion. Thats always wonderful. I understand about not sure what to do since you've gotten this great opportunity. You want to be able to support the fam and the promotion will definately help, but then again you want to be at home and not miss one second of baby's first years. You've actually got meeh thinking about what I should do!

Lizbian, You're absolutely right, that donor convo is always interesting. DP slightly wavers about a KD but in the end she always comes back to frozen after more thinking. I prefer frozen pop because thats all we need, we're taking care of everything else. Plus, I like how easy it is to order and get everything to you from the banks with little to no hassle.

Granite, Yes its horrible timing..ugh! I went to see her when they admitted her luckily the hospital is about 10 minutes (if that) from mye house. Shes still there now, we're waiting on the test results to see whats going on. If its nothing she can come home, but they sure do take all day to tell you if its nothing or not!

AFM, somehow still diligently temping and hoping the new year gets off to a better start than I've been having! Nd i found a new sperm bank that somehow slipped by mye relentless searching and its even cheaper than MWSB (which i used last time) $200 a vial + $155 shipping fees + $50 handling fees for a grand total of $405. Thats about a 50% discount of what we payed for the first set of swimmers. There's always a bright side :)

[granite]

Sphinxy, can I please be moved back to Waiting To O?

I was just putting today's data into FF and realized that my clinic's open again after their holiday break, and I still haven't O'd, which means that I may be able to insem this cycle after all. Granted, I'm now on CD29 and may just be stuck in hormonal limbo-land, which would mean I'd need to either wait to O on my own (which could happen momentarily, or could take weeks), or kick-start a new cycle by taking a week of progesterone... I wish my OPKs would arrive in the mail. My RE said that eggs produced from longer cycles aren't as high-quality as those from shorter (or normal length) ones, so maybe it wouldn't be good to insem even if I did suddenly O in the next week or so. Grrr. I just don't know.

For those of you into chart analysis:

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/granite

Glad to hear about the cheaper swimmers, fmorris! Excellent news!